Asthma - DH in denial

[Wuldric]

DD (15) has asthma. 100% she has asthma. She had eczema as a baby (an indicator), there is a family history of asthma on my side of the family (another indicator), she suffers from hay fever (another indicator), she has all the symptoms of asthma (a clear indicator) and finally, she has been MEDICALLY FUCKING WELL DIAGNOSED with asthma. She wakes up 5 times a night breathless and wheezing. It's triggered by pollen, as it was with my father.

So tell me, why does DH persist in telling me and her that she doesn't have asthma? Why does he do this? Does he not realise the implications? I hear statements like "I have never known such a thing" "No-one in my family ever had asthma" "I don't believe she has asthma". His attitude is driving me mental. He thinks I am making too much of it, and making a fuss. He refuses to take her to a doctor for her inhalers, because she doesn't have asthma. I mean, WTF. I will of course, but still this attitude that I've got the equivalent of Munchausen's syndrome by proxy simply because I want DD to get the treatment she needs is doing my head in.

WWYD? I feel like punching him right now.

He's behaving like a nob. As to what to do - LTB doesn't seem too extreme given he is minimising a serious potentially life threatening condition

It's just so ridiculous though - he is otherwise a rational and intelligent man. I cannot understand why he won't admit she has asthma.

Wuldric Oh dear - I feel your pain but in my case the person who refused to believe my DD had asthma was my MIL. DD (17) has had asthma since she was a baby, all the symptoms, asthma is on DHs side of the family - her family (!), DD coughed so much as a toddler she often vomited and had done this in front of MIL, she has had inhalers all her life, and she still has it now.

I think for MIL it was another example of me being over-protective towards DD. MIL just wouldn't have it and on the odd occasion that she would grudgingly admit that DD did wheeze a lot, MIL would bluster around saying 'Well, she will have grown out of it by the time she's 7', so in other words 'You can stop fussing about it then'.

We had serious words when DD was about 5 - we were at a bonfire party and DD was affected by the smoke so I had to give her her inhaler. MIL was tutting and rolling her eyes. I was embarrassed by MIL's behaviour but most of all I was furious. I snarled at her 'You may not like the fact that DD needs her inhaler but I don't like the fact that she cant breathe and has a life-threatening illness'. That did the trick, she rarely mentioned it after that.

I'm sorry but don't know what to suggest with regards to your DH though.

Unfuckingbelievable. I'm afraid I have no advice apart from trying to talk to him, but I'm sure you've tried that several million times.

I had this when i was diagnosed asthmatic as an adult.

I am not sure what else you can say? Being a total knob!

If she is waking 5 times a night it is not well controlled and she needs to have an asthma review. Is she on a preventer? If not it sounds like she needs one as well as the ventolin. If so then it might be she needs the dose of the preventer doubled for now.

If that isn't working then she might be switched on to a different one, or given a tablet such as singulair. does she take antihistamines as well?

Isn't that neglect?

If dd is 15 can she talk to him about it?

Also I suppose she is getting to the stage where she needs to take personal responsibility anyway.

He is being a complete knob though as asthma is a lifethreatening condition.

Does your DD have an asthma nurse. Could you arrange for your DH to have a conversatio with her about the potential implications if her asthma is not managed?

I cannot understand why he won't admit she has asthma.

He doesn't want to admit to himself that his little girl has a life long illness, that way he doesn't have to think about the implications - otherwise known as ostrich syndrome.

(I ended up in the ICU after a family member thought I was being melodramatic about an allergy; that person never questioned it again, but it's really not the safest way to handle the matter.)

Your dd needs a review promptly as her asthma should be better controlled than that.

When my dh has 'played up' over things being wrong with our children (I know with him, apart from inherent gormlessness, it's a kind of fear of the unknown that leads to denial. Two occasions I recall - one was DS4's ?autism/aspergers's - I made sure he came with us to diagnosis appt. Another was a problem over dental work and I made sure the dentist spoke directly to DH. Both times DH took on board what the professionals said where he wouldn't accept what I said. Phew!

Re-asthma, as well as going to a review with DD (perhaps you can have a secret word beforehand with relevant HCP making sure they know about dh's denial), some written material/leaflets on asthma could be helpful. There is a UK charity to support people with asthma - they have some very good info. (have forgotten name, sorry) It may be getting your dh to read it at a time that suits him would help inform him. Drip, drip, drip!

What does he think asthma is? What are his reasons for thinking it's not asthma?

Does he prevent her getting treatment?

Would he refuse to take her for medical help if you weren't there and she said she needed it?

This is so dangerous. People still die from uncontrolled asthma. He is putting her life at risk by not being prepared to get her inhalers.

Thanks all - sorry slow back to the thread - went away for an evening.

Yes I thoroughly agree she needs an asthma review, which is how the subject came up. She does take antihistamines as well and I wanted to ask them about an ionizer for her bedroom,

I hope he would not refuse her medical treatment if I weren't there, but I can see I need to get that possibility properly covered off.

He is behaving like a complete bell-end, and I have no idea why.

What are his reasons for thinking it's not asthma?

1. Medical diagnosis should be challenged, they all have no idea
2. No-one in my family has ever had asthma so I don't believe DD has it
3. I have never known such a thing

There is nothing that points towards her not having asthma if that is what you mean. There is everything that points towards her having asthma.

At 15 l don't know if they'd even insist an adult went to the GP with her.

DD1 has decided for herself whether to take her inhaler, nasal spray etc since she was about 10 (she knows when she feels yuck, I don't).