ARGH! Just been offered SPINAL SURGERY cancellation...

[PavlovtheCat]

tomorrow! How fucking typical. I wait for 18 months to get this far, fobbed off, minimised, see the consultant 4 weeks ago, on waiting list 2-4 months, and I get a call this morning! I have to make a decision NOW.

It's going to have a be No . It's too short notice, Dh is at work, and can't even get half hour out to talk to me about it, pros, cons, solutions to cons. I never thought for a moment I would get a cancellation either this soon, or with so little notice!

But, yet, I don't want to make the call. Secretary has assured me that if I don't take it, I will be kept on the waiting list, this is not the only opportunity for the surgery, but I'm scared that if I don't take it now, I will be forever kept waiting again.

I feel so tearful, even though I know it's probably not doable tomorrow

fucking typical. Delayed for so long, and the suddenly its all quick!

I'd go for it tomorrow.

Spinal surgery sucks. It truly does. But if you have to have it, you may as well get it out of the way, and get started on recovery.

You could list the pros and cons here?

Surely your surgery is more important than his work. Unless he is a life saving surgeon himself in the middle of a op he can spare half an hour to arrange things?

I would go for it tomorrow. If you say no, the next available date might be difficult as well.

If it is at all possible I'd do it before you get a chance to over think the issues. Do you have anyone on standby to help with dc , or could you contact Red Cross etc ?

Would DH get any leave? Could he take last minute annual leave for the day?

I've had seven spinal surgeries. Six were offered the next day. One was pre-scheduled because I needed a special surgeon and three anaesthetists.

At least it doesn't give you much time to worry about it!

insanely he is a trainee chef and dictated by a fascist boss who doesn't like him. He doesn't get a lunch break, let alone a break to have coffee (thats how they will see it). I don't blame him at all for that, he gets paid hourly and is hanging on by the skin of his teeth as it is due to issues with his boss (as in him walking, not his boss firing him). I don't want this to be ammunition.

ok. Pros:
I need it. I have lived with virtual constant unbearable pain for 18 months. The sooner it is done the better.
If I have it done now, I will be recovered enough to care for the children over the summer holidays, rather than, as is likely, be incapacitated in the holidays.
I need it. I mean, really, that is the only pro. It's the whole reason for the surgery!

Cons:
The house is a shithole. I am going to be fit for nothing for 6 weeks. Sounds stupid, but I wanted the bedroom where I will spend a lot of time recovering, I wanted it organised (working on that). It's a really stupid reason, I know.
Big reasons - it's DHs 40th birthday on 11 June. On 8th June we have a party organised. I won't be able to go. On 10th June we are going away to a Yurt for 4 days. This will have to be cancelled (can I stay in a yurt less than two weeks after surgery?). We have had a tough time relationship wise, and we have been really looking forward to this time as a family, and I expect it will sound selfish of DH, but he will be very upset that his birthday plans are ruined. Ok, yes, I know this surgery is important, but so is both our emotional wellbeing, not to mention financial investment (this was organised before I even saw the neurosurgeon, and I never thought, before seeing him, I would be having surgery less than 4wks after seeing him, or else we would not have booked it).
We have not put in place support from friends - they have offered it, but practically it's not been put in place.
DH has not yet discussed practicals of this surgery with his employers - ie time off. He won't be paid for the time off and he will need to take several weeks off.
My DLA claim, which I put in in January 2013 has still not been completed - this money was going to be used to replace (not in full obviously) his lost income for that period of time, and I expected this to be sorted by now, and it's not. So, if I proceed tomorrow, our income will dip with nothing in place to brace ourselves financially for that hit.
I'm scared - that's not a big reason, I'm always going to be scared!

Also. In the grand scheme of things, I feel better in terms of pain levels than I have felt for 18 months, typically! Still not 100%, but enough for me think I can wait for another month or two without huge problems, but, I know this good phase is not going to last, and before I know it, I will be walloped with pain again and regretting not taking the surgery now.

Shit. I have half hour to make the decision.

kelda I think this has kicked me into thinking, if I don't go for it, I will put all those things in pace that concern me now, so that if it is offered soon again, I will be better set.

I was foolish. I have waited so long, been kept waiting for so long I never thought in a million years it would be this soon.

I think, what I'm saying about my DH's job, if he comes out now, he is walking. Now, to be fair that's not hugely problematic, as his job is not tenable long term, and he will get another one as soon as he can.

He 'accrues' leave. So, from April to now he will have something like 2 days leave, whether he leaves today or not makes little difference, all the other time he needs to take will be unpaid.

caja seven wow. I'm having discectomy on L5/S1 disc. Is it realistic that I will be mobile enough to go yurting? I was so looking forward to this. We have hardly done anything for the last year, certainly no holidays (apart from a yurt!) due to my back problems, and we so need a break. Can I recouperate in a big tent?!!

Pavlov I feel your pain and understand your concerns. I should be having surgery this week- I cancelled it- you haven't got my slot have you

I am planning on holding out to September, because the timing will be better. You must do what is right for you. If you're not ready then so be it. If you've really had enough and can't cope anymore, then all those reasons (excuses?) are by the by.

I've made lots of similar excuses, but that is what is right for me. Good luck and let us know how it goes either way.

Oh god, I know they are excuses downton I probably do have your slot .

I just need DHs 100% backing with this. And I don't know for sure that I will have it before I commit and I can't talk to him about it. He is the one bearing the brunt of the fallout from this and if he resents it as I made the decision without him, that will impact on me, on my recovery, on our relationship. Things have been tough enough this last year to two as it is, I need the support there.

If it were a month ago, the pain was so unbearable I would have happily said yes instantly. But, as I said, it's been better than it has for a long time, and I know this is only a short phase, but I can, for example walk without my crutch at the moment. I need this op, as that is not going to stay that way, but...

Oh fucking hell.

'I just need DHs 100% backing with this.'

But if he sees you are in pain, why wouldn't he want to help and back you up 100%? Will his backing be 100% in a month's time? Or two months? What if he does back you in a few months time but your operation gets cancelled and you have to wait again?

I am sure they will understand that you cannot get childcare etc in place for tomorrow and it will not affect your place on the list.

You are probably high up enough on the list now that you will get offered more cancellations.

If you turn it down you will probably find that you and your DH end up having a long talk about just what kind of short notice you could cope with.

However I think you shouldn't turn it down until you have spoken to your DH

I had a discectomy 2 weeks ago and went on holiday a few days ago (10days after surgery.) Obviously everyone's recovery is different, but in general I think the recovery time can be quite quick if you are otherwise young and fit. Depends how far away the yurt is- you won't want to sit in the car for 6 hours each way.

Pavlov - you are the one bearing the brunt, you are the one in pain and limited in what you can do, not your DH.
I have read various of your threads over the years and you always seem to put him ahead of yourself, and he also puts himself ahead of you - so where does that leave you? Last.

By all means say no to this slot, but do it for the right reasons, not because you think your DH is going to be resentful about it. Surely he wants you to be pain-free and well again as soon as possible? This is not some huge favour you are asking him because you want to do something fun, is it?

OP I've had a dischetomy so can give you a bit of advice about recovery -

You'll be in hospital for about 2-3 days post OP & then you should be discharged. Recovery is 4-6 weeks (but you should be feeling much better after 3). You shouldn't be spending your recovery constantly lying down though - rest is v important obviously, but you must start doing very gently exercise from 24 hrs post OP. walking is brilliant - I gradually built up the distance on a daily basis. Anything which puts strain on your back is a big no (that includes something as simple as lifting a full kettle).

You will need RL for the first few days to a week post OP & then after that you should find things getting better quite quickly.

Make sure you take the pain relief (you'll need it!).

Good luck with the decision making

Yes I'm in the exact same position. It would have been a logistical nightmare for me to have the surgery now. Funnily enough, I'm have a good phase too and that helped me decide, a month ago I was praying for the op, just to get it over with.

What are you swaying towards?

I wouldn't immediately rule out the Yurt, you know...if you can be really, really good at resting for the first week, you may well be well enough to give it a go. Obviously take it easy, but I wouldn't say it'd be impossible.

You may need to break up the car journey a lot, though.

Is there any chance you can talk to DH today? Any way at all?

Do you have any family that could step in so that DH can go to work still? I know that sucks, but it's a big opportunity to get this fixed, so it's worth looking into absolutely everything.

And honestly, you wont' care about the bedroom. I had grand plans about where I'd spend recovery. You really won't care. When you start being annoyed about it, you'll be well enough to tidy it if you want too!

I think I would hold off. Get your party and holiday out of the way and enjoy them. Get your practical plans in place so that you can take any other cancellation that comes up.

How often do cancellations come up do you know? That would impact my decision too.

On the other hand if you had an accident later today and ended up in hospital for a while everything would have to slot into place and DH would have to take time off.

That's probably no help!

I had two L5/S1 discectomys as emergency surgery, so very short notice. This was over ten years ago and they had me up and moving around as soon as the anaesthetic wore off. I stayed in for 2 nights but only because my nerve damage was so bad that I needed a walking stick to walk with.

DH had his planned about 3 years ago - I dropped him off at 10, he had the op at 1 and I brought him home at 6pm. Ok he was groggy and out for the count that night but was up and about moving gently the next day. He couldn't lift anything heavier than a cup of tea but I was astonished at the speed of his recovery.

Re your DPs support - DH had to go back to work the day after I came home from hospital. He left me with snacks etc laid out and a phone in case of problems. If you haven't small DCs to look after you should be fine, just call in any and all help / favours from friends / family you can.

If you have it tomorrow you will feel so much better by Monday

cider this cancellation has been offered after a saw the consultant on 7th May. Had pre-op assessments and so good to go, literally in medical aspects. So, I don't know if they come up a lot, but it seems they might?

I have just spoken to DH at work. He absolutely cannot get time off now to talk but we spoke on the phone. He has said he has in fact spoken to his work and they have said they will support him through from their point of view, but, he said they need more than one day's notice for that. We talked about the yurt - he is categoric that I would not be fit to go and 'live in the wilderness' so soon after the op.

He is also bothered about his birthday and our plans for this. I said he can still go ahead with his celebrations but he doesn't want me not to be there. Yes that's selfish, but, he's human right?

He said he wants us to have notice, a proper date. I said I am not sure that happens! He said we need to get plans in place and childcare support in place. We have no family around us, but do have some close supportive friends who will help us and several parents at school have said they will help with collecting children from school etc, so after a few weeks, DH will be able to return to work to some extent if it's planned.

Ultimately, his view is No. He doesn't want me to take this date. He did say it was my decision and if I chose to go ahead with it of course he will support me and 'deal with the consequences'. He accepts my is important and of course he wants this fixed, but, he is not a man of impulse, and he needs time to think. So I guess I am not surprised that he has not said yes immediately, I am much more of a 'get it over with' type of person and he needs time to think, consider, change his mind a bit etc. This has frightened him I think. He thinks that it won't do any harm to wait for the next date and that not taking it won't jeopardise my place on the list so I should wait.

deaf we have a 3 year old and a 6yr old. If not for not for the children, this wouldn't be an issue as I would be fine with the laptop, some food and the remote control for a few hours while DH worked!

tough that's a very good point, which I had not really considered. I have been thinking that I will be out the next day, as consultant said that is the plan barring complications. I don't want to think about complications so I haven't .

ok. I am going to say no. DH and I are going to talk about the fact that this is very real and IS going to happen now and put measures on place this weekend. I guess, I never thought it was going to happen. I never really thought I was going to be fixed.

I will talk to the secretary and let her know the reasons and to ask that I still be considered for cancellations.