Councilling:help

[singingmum]

Wanted to know if anyone has had to wait a year before finally seeing someone?
I asked finally to see some one about my agrophobia over a year ago but have only seen someone this week(fri 30th).In the 16months it took to get this help my agrophobia has gone from going out maybe 3 times a year to once in the last 16 months and that almost 6 months ago.I feel a bit angry as it's had a major effect on my family and especially on my own health.The worst thing is when the visit came I felt like hiding.I know I have to desensitise myself but right now it seems so damned hard.I just feel if I'd gotten this help earlier then I wouldn't have become quite so bad.
Also has anyone on here had a good experience with the councilling etc. Is it really likely to help.
Am seriously beginning to feel like I'm going to be trapped in my home forever right now and am fed up of everything.Any thoughts which could help are welcome.

Sorry to hear things are so bad for you singingmum.

Here are my thoughts on it: The problem with counselling is that too many people approach it with a "sort me out then" attitude, as if it were some sort of easy cure for anything. It isn't. Counselling can however be a great help as long as you are prepared to put some work in yourself. Most failure-stories you hear will be from people who didn't do that, so please stay positive about it if you can.

I hope it goes well for you.

Thanks.I know councilling won't solve everything in fact what they want me to do is a stress management thing.I just feel really weird about the whole getting help thing.I have spent my life being the person everyone comes to so that they can ask for help so to be asking instead is hard.
After the woman left the other day I actually felt guilty like I was wasting their time because I am not a complete agrophobic(ie I can go in my garden and even sometimes visit my mil who lives a couple of doors away).I know its stupid but thats how I felt.
I know that councilling is only a first step and that most of the work has to be myself but its easy to say not to do.Hopefully the stress thing will help me to at least learn to manage the panic attacks so that I can go out again.I prob don't make much sense I don't think I made much sense to the councillor.

Singingmum, I'm sure that the councellor is used to people finding it difficut ti get their problems across, it must happen all the time. Admitting and voicing a problem are difficult things to do. I had some councelling, and it helped me a lot. In part it was because the councellor gave me 'permission' to voice my fears and them helped me to deal with them.....but what others have said is true, they will not 'step in' and say 'you need to do x, y, and z to sort out your problems'. It is very much a case of helping you to find the answers yourself.

Hope things improve soon.

Don't feel guilty! It sounds like you need some help to me - maybe think of it as payment in kind for all the times you have helped others?

I know what you mean though - I like to think of myself as the strong one who helps other people out too (though whether I actually help them or not is another thing). But refusing help because of that just makes things worse IME. I know it's not directly comparable but someone once told me that the pain of a mouth absyss is the worst pain you can imagine - when I had an absyss I kept thinking "well, people must have worse pain than this" so put off going to the dentist for weeks. When I did see one he said it was the worst absyss he'd ever seen and I should have seen him sooner.

Anyway I probably don't make much sense either - new baby and fast-recovering dd interfering with my sleep patterns/sanity. You are positively eloquent!

Spot on Seniora. The best thing that the councellor said to me was when I had given her the list of things that had sparked my problem (long and boring so I'm not going into it) she said, 'Well I'm not surprised you are upset and worried, anyone would be'. It gave me 'permission ' to accept that I did have a problem that was real, and not just because I was a wimp. Then I had to learn to change what I could, and accept and deal with the rest.

singingmum, sorry to hear you have such a fear to overcome. I remember you talking about your agrophoblia on another thread. Just off on a slight tangent (and not trying to teach you to suck eggs) but have you looked for help on the internet? discussion groups for fellow sufferers, stories you could read about how other people have overcome this problem? finding internet contacts is something you could do right now, without having to wait for your counselling appointments.

Thanks all.
I actually went for a walk just to the local shop although couldn't go in and felt a bit weird after.The councillor actually said the same kinds of things to me.I have spoken of some probs on here before but lately I just cant seem to stop telling everyone exactly what I think.I seem to have reached a breaking point and if someone asks I answer honestly.My youngest brother recently did not like my reply and is no longer speaking to me which is upsetting as I no longer see my niece at the moment.I didn't mean to upset him but just cracked.I then told my mother what I thought of my whole family going through each one individually.I admit I feel a little better for this maybe it is good to open up sometimes Thankfully I'm actually getting along quite well with my mum lately as we kind of argued most things out.
I have looked at websites with support groups online etc but they seem strange as I'm not as bad as them and sometimes they just kind of say at least you can go in the garden and stuff.I know I'm better off than most .Mumsnet helps I think because I can sound off and not worry.Thank goodness.

sounds like you're making good progress singingmum, it must be really difficult, just wanted to say good luck

i used to go on a couple of online depression forums and i found them really unhelpful - full of people threatening to kill themselves, it just made me feel worse so i know what you mean about the online support groups

singingmum, One of my friends is agrophobic. I think it got worse when she had her ds, it seemed to make her even more house bound. She was like you and never went out.
But she has worked on it and is sooo much better, She still stays in a lot, but is a lot better and even comes down the pub a couple of times a month (which as you know yourself is very hard when you feel like this). I would say that she lives a much more 'normal' life now. There was a waiting list at our sugery to see a counsellor - and in the end she did it on her own with small steps and a lot of support. She also had hypnotherapy.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get better - dont be so hard on yourself.
If you get lonely and feel isolated (I know that being indoors can make you feel very shut off) please e-mail me and we can have a chat. I am in alot myself. good luck xx

singingmum, I've had some agoraphobia on and off over the years, though never been as housebound as you are right now.

You really do need some help and it's awful that you have to wait a year! I can't believe it.

I assume you're a mom as you're posting on mumsnet and I wondered how do you cope with your kids etc? How old are they? I'm asking because I've often wondered how I'd manage with dd if my agoraphobia came back.

Thanks everyone.
Evita I was already HEing when the agrophobia started so had no school runs etc to think about.My dd was born after I'd been agrophobic for a while.My partner and his family take the children out and my parents help when possible.The most difficult thing I find is that I have never done simple things with my dd like building sandcastles on a beach or playing in a park.Little things but I did these with my ds.They are 9 and 3 respectively and my ds knows about the agrophobia and helps.When we all went for the walk he stayed outside with me and we walked about,I started to feel a bit panicky and he suddenly squeezed my hand as he had noticed my breathing quicken.It helped and was so sweet of him I almost cried.I'm supposed to look after him not the other way around.
I have recieved my appointment for stress management its on thursday which I admit I wasn't expecting so soon.Hopefully this will help as I want to join my family on a trip to stay with relatives in the midlands.I have done this before but it seems harder this time as I admit my dp's stepmother(he'd kill if he saw that word as hates it)is a pain.She's never had kids and lectures on how to bring them up.Should be fun

singingmum, poor you, but lucky you to have such a wonderful family.

My MIL is absolutely dreadful too. She's also in the Midlands ... hmmm ... Bromsgrove. She's a German woman and v. harsh speaking (that's not to say all German women are, but just to give you an idea of the accent behind the criticism!) and watches my every move with dd like a hawk. Then when we're on the train home she sends us an email which we receive on arrival which has a list of points of things she thinks we might do better!

How did you cope with your agoraphobia when your kids were very little? Do you have moments when it's easier than others? I suffered very badly when I was at school. It made life incredibly difficult and I'd have panic attacks on and off throughout the day but couldn't tell anyone. I used to dig my nails into my legs in the classrooms when I could feel it coming on. At the weekends and evenings no-one could drag me out anywhere! I still have tendencies towards it and I feel as though if I'm in for a few days in a row, the fear of leaving the flat comes on again.

I really do hope you get some help.

Evita, When my son was young I didn't suffer with this problem.It came on about 5 yrs ago and at first I wasn't that bad just felt I didn't want to go out but as time went on I had a lot of probs in my family and then things got worse.
I should have got help as soon as this started to happen but I have as I said always been the strong one who helps and asking for help wasn't something I did.I'm finding it hard to deal with the thought of my appointment on thursday and I keep cracking up,crying and telling people what I think of them when they speak to me.It's like in the movie Austin Powers when he's unfrozen and loses his inner monologue.I seem to just say what I feel without realising until afterwards.The worst thing is I can't seem to stop,it's become a case of don't ask my advice I just might give it and then not like it.Maybe in the long run it will be good for me I don't know.The worst is I can remember every incident in my life when I should have said or done something and didn't.I just want to see the people who were there and do what I should have done.I even remember thing said and done in school over 10 yrs ago that hurt and still do because I never sorted them out.I feel like I'm going crazy and I keep replaying things in my head and feeling embarressed and angry.I think maybe lack of a social life is causing this.I have only one friend left from before the agrophobia and I don't see her that often as she's busy with her own life.
I'm so angry and hurt I can't seem to get past anything lately that I suppose is why they want me to have stress management.
I just want right now to scream very loudly until I cant do so anymore but I can't.
How did you feel when things were at there worst Because right now I feel as though I'm alone and no one can understand?