Help - I think my son is possessed!

[Willow2]

DS came down with a nasty cold and ear infection three days ago. I'm sure he is feeling crap - but he is normally not too bad when he is ill and this time he has been frankly satanic to the extent where I'm not sure whether to administer more calpol or call for a priest. Is this normal???
Have horrible feeling that his foul behaviour is a combination of feeling grim and the start of the terrible two's. He threw his first extreme tantrum last week (about taking his shoes off to get into the bath). It lasted for about half an hour and basically involved him screaming at me and flailing around like a pint sized version of Linda Blair. I'm not normally phased but I found it really unsettling. He repeated this on Monday, he had been with his grandparents and we were giving him a bath before setting off for home - again it was the shoes that did it - this time he screamed for about 45 minutes. By Wednesday morning he was obviously ill and since then he has been horrendous (although slightly better today) - essentially lengthy screaming fits (not crying, infact not like any noise he normally makes)about anything and everything (and taking his shoes off) and if I try and hold him and calm him down he whacks me.
Now either this new behaviour is all linked to his ear infection, which admittedly could have been brewing since last week, or someone has swapped my beautiful son for a monster. Any ideas?
Also, how the hell do you get them in to the bath without taking their shoes off? Or more importantly, how do you get their shoes off without them going berserk to such an extent that it then becomes impossible to put them in the bath anyway? Answers on a postcare please before I lose the plot completely.

I know I go mad with pain if I have earache, so I'd go to the doctor and get him checked.

Willow2, it's a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase (I think it was Mollipops on another thread who said this). I have just spent time in the company of a normally even-tempered little boy who has a bad cold and he was monstrous too, if it is any consolation. I can just imagine your bath-time - with us it was cutting up his sausages into too large pieces. That was easier to resolve than shoes and bathtubs - I just cut them into smaller pieces and retired to the next room with a bar of chocolate until I felt I could be calm and pleasant again.
It is such a shock when this terrible yowling and flailing comes at you out of nowhere, isn't it.
Ours was a poppet until just after two, has had his moments for the past six months, and is getting much better now he has turned two and a half. We can now laugh him out of most tantrums - I'd call his bluff and stick him in the bath, shoes and all, if you can bear to. And, although I have felt very angry with him on occasions, I have found the best results for us have when I have told him I'm sad we're not getting on, and left him to it for a few minutes. Then I come back, or he follows me, we have a few real tears (as opposed to screeching) and we make it up. We've also found it really helps to encourage him to develop a vocabulary about feelings. It's hit and miss what a small child comes out with, but sometimes, having thought what a little he was, his attempts to explain things have been very touching.
You don't say how old he is? Is he chatting much yet? I hope his ears feel better soon.

Ah, shoes, yes! That's a trigger for my son to have a tantrum too. Perhaps the combination of shoe removal and having a bath is too much for the young mind? Now we use variations of the "We've converted to Islam" or "My Aunty Iris" technique (all people who don't wear shoes beyond the front door!!) Basically, if small son is pleased to be home, remove the shoes immediately so that he can get on with something else, eg. "let's take our shoes off so we're ready for dinner"...Try and break the link between shoes and bath.

Otherwise, pick a moment when he's absorbed in something else, TV etc, and whip the shoes off then. We find combination of velcro fasteners and lace-up trainers a ½ size too big make for swift removal...

I can also testify to the link between ear infections and tantrums. My son had one ear infection every six weeks up to the age of 2 when he had grommets inserted, and his tantrums were always worse around the time of the infections.

And my son hits too. First technique is to let him tantrum on the floor away from hard objects and ignore him till he calms down. If he hits you could try and use 'time out'. Put him in a particular place for a certain length of time so he learns he's done wrong. Some people suggest the bottom of the stairs or putting the child in his/her bedroom, but for us having to sit in any chair for 5 minutes (hitting a person) or 2 minutes (throwing or damaging an object) has worked really well. It would probably be better to implement time out some time after he gets the ignoring message.

Yes, I admit we have the ritual off shoes off by the door, hands washed and then get the biscuits out! This is when we get in from the school run.

Kia - done the doctor thing on Wednesday after 4am wake up call and horrendous temperature, so are anti-biotic'ed up. Marina, he's twenty two months and chatting well.He's been better spirited this morning (saturday) until I refused to let him have the biscuit tin (I had given him a biscuit so wasn't prepared to let him eat the whole packet) - Satan promptly reared his ugly head so I went and sat in the other room and read the paper until he stopped. He then came and had a cuddle and promptly fell asleep (something he hasn't done in the mornings for months and months)- so maybe tantrums do have their benefits! Oh, to top it all Sky digital has now packed up, I have a horrendous cold too and feel like death, I also have a massive legal meeting on Tuesday in London to prepare for - and there is a train strike so have no idea how I'll get into town; and have just realised that, for the first time ever, I didn't buy a lottery ticket for last Wednesday and would have won £50 with my usual numbers. Does life get any better? aaargh...

why do it to yourself - poorly kids dont need a bath do they? especially an ear infection. let it pass for a few days have an extra story before bed time instead.

Be careful with the anitbiotics in the colour sense! I can recall with chilling clarity my son howling like a beast and stood rigid in the bath when he first had antibiotics. I phoned the doc to let him have a listen too, and we agreed to stop giving him them till the following day when he gave me tablets to be crushed without the colour yellow/red in them. It was an awful experience and neither he nor I wanted to visit that place again!!

How well does your son talk? Mine is 2 1/2 and I find the lack of language skills frustrating as it is often difficult to understand what is wrong. I really don't know if he is in pain or what he wants. I'd say the screaming and thrashing about is just his way of saying 'I am not very happy' because he can't actually verbalise it.

My boy has had a cold recently and he's been pretty horrendous at times. Also we are going through the obsessive bit where if you do something in the wrong way he throws a wobbler. Going into another room and just doing something completely different helps or in extreme moments I get old boobie out and let him have that and 5 mins later - he is calm. but not everyone would still want to be b/f at age 2 1/2.

Have you asked him to take his own shoes off - often they prefer to do things themselves. Otherwise take the shoes off long before the bath so the two aren't associated. I usually have a problem with keeping shoes on. Hope his ear infection clears up soon.

Willow2, I'm sure you can blame earache for a lot of this right now.

However, I have a theory about tantrumming two year olds, based solely on my older son, so this is really IMO and IME.

Brace yourself. The two year old tantrums are simply there to prepare you for the full blown three year old tantrums, which are there to prepare you for who knows what - probably adolescence. Havn't got there yet, so I can't confirm this last bit. In other words, it gets worse before it gets better - sometime around four years old.

But remember, you get more used to the wobblies, too, so by the time your angel is rising four, you're simply stepping over them and ignoring the pleas, yawning in boredom or automaticlly hauling them away for some time out etc, when the screaming and flailing on the floor begins.

As Marina says, once they can talk well, it also becomes quite heartrending to hear their side of the story, when things have calmed down and the lines of communication reopen.

Honestly, your beautiful son is still there, it's just that he's a bit more full on.

Marina, cutting up sausages is a minefield of toddler ettiquette in our house too! I just swop his helping for mine when it gets too complicated. Another one is:

Me: Do you want custard on your pie?
Child: Yes
(I pour custard)
Child: No! I didn't want custard!

We have a problem keeping shoes on too, sometimes I end up putting 10 shoes on three children, not counting my own, before we manage to get out of the door - and then they promptly take them off as soon as they get into the car, so when we get to the shops, it's Mummy put my shoes on! again. I blame velcro, they wouldn't bother if it was buckles!!

If I had Willow2's shoe taking/bath off problem, I think I'd try saying, right, you can keep your shoes on then, and take off all his other clothes, pick him up, and hold him over the bath ... at this point, my toddlers might start telling me I'm doing things all wrong, and they shouldn't be getting in the bath with their shoes on. Or they might call my bluff and innocently stick to their point of view, but they find it hilarious when I back down, and will often have a rethink! As others have said, anything to break the routine of I won't/You will has to be a good thing.