Mastectomy - some advice

[monkeysmama]

My mum is having a mastectomy in 2 weeks. She is having a lymph node biopsy at the same time but no reconstruction.

I'm not sure what to expect. Macmillan have been fantastic but I want to know what things I will be able to do to make her more comfortable.

She has the option of going home (she lives alone), to my sisters (she will be at work all day) or to mine (I'm home with a 9mo and 5yo but have a bigger house / can cook etc) Not sure what makes most sense.

Is there anything she will need? Food / clothing / luxuries etc?

Thank you very much in advance.

Hi monkey'smama, I've had a mastectomy - am happy to answer any questions you have I had my lymph nodes removed separately afterwards (so not exactly the same as your mum)

I was in hospital overnight, - but she may stay on for a few days it varies between hospital. If she comes out early, she may well come out of hospital with a drain (a tube from her wound into a bottle to catch the fluid) and this will be removed probably by a district nurse once she stops producing fluid. The drain is a bit of a nuisance as it gets in the way and you have to carry it around.

She will be fairly sore for 2-3 weeks, and won't be able to lift things or drive.
The lymph node surgery can leave you pretty bruised and with a certain amount of nerve damage, - the hospital will give her exercises and she needs to do them religiously several times a day to get back the full movement in her arm. She will always have to be careful about lifting heavy stuff with that arm.
She will also have to use gloves for gardening, cleaning etc. because with no lymph nodes if you get a cut its much more prone to infection. (But actually I haven't had to many difficulties in that area - its just something you have to be aware of)

She's probably already got a breast care nurse, she will give her a 'softie' which is a spongy soft artificial breast she can fit inside a pocketed bra (or safety pin into an ordinary bra). Once her wound has healed well she will be offered a proper prosthesis - which is shaped and more weighty so like a real breast.

I'd say if possible it would be better if she was with someone for a few days rather than on her own, because she'll feel very tired and won't feel up to getting herself meals etc. It is quite likely she will be under a district nurse for about a week if she is only in hospital overnight - they will check and change her dressing and check/remove her drain, so there will be a daily nurse visit to factor in.

If she does go home on her own, - a few freezer meals she can just shove in the oven would be useful.
Any little treats and sweets would be nice
I found baby wipes useful - you can't have a proper shower or bath with the dressing on, so its nice to be able to refresh yourself with a wipe.
For hospital she will need PJ's or a nighty that buttons down the front so it is easy to undo for medics to examine her.
Loose clothing for when she is up and dressed again - button up shirts are easier to get a sore arm in and out of.

I wish her all the luck in the world for her treatment and recovery.
I've probably left lots of stuff out so please just ask away and I'll do my best to answer questions. Also I post frequently on the Tamoxifen thread here in health - lots of us on there have had breast cancer and mastectomies, you'd be very welcome if you wanted to pop in and ask for helpful tips

Thank you very much KurriKurri. I really appreciate it.

We looked at the softie and the more skin like artificial breast with her MacMillian nurse earlier this week.

They said she should expect to be in hospital overnight.

I am sure I will have more questions soon and thank you again for your help. It's a major shock and big decisions have to be made so suddenly. It really does help to be able to get clear answers from someone who has been through something similar.

You're very welcome monkeysmama, - it is a big shock for all of you - so much information to take in, it can be very scary and bewildering.
Anything you think I can help with just shout.
Love to you both x

monkey, I've had mastectomies too (waving to Kurri ). Can't add much to what Kurri's said, but tell your mum to take a shoulder bag for the drain. By which I mean something she can wear on good shoulder, across her body - should hang just below waist level and can hold drain (sports bottle sized). The tube will come out from under her pyjamas, so if she has the bottle in a bag no-body can see it and also will leave her hands free. Hope that makes sense - nobody told me and the hospital's best offer was a plastic bag!

I'd load up an iPod with audiobooks or podcasts for her too while she's in hospital. She probably won't want to read, but she might want to block out the ward noise.

Thank you so much for these suggestions and the support.

We've spent the past few weeks sorting all the things we can - respite care in a home for my gm, money stuff, fixing things in my mum's house.

She's doing really well. She has decided to have just the mastectomy and lymph node biopsy and to wait for reconstruction. It doesn't feel real at all to her and I suppose now we have organised all the practical stuff, we need to spend some time thinking about how she will cope emotionally.

I am going shopping to get her some new pyjamas tomorrow and a few nice bits. The bag was a very useful tip - thank you. Any others gratefully received.

Thank you again for your replies and support. I really do appreciate it.

I should add that they moved the operation date back at her request to give her more time to get organised.

I've been amazed by the Macmillan team. It is life affirming to meet people like that.

Me too monkey nothing to add either but lots of love.
If it helps mine was twenty years ago when I was a young woman and I've loved a very fulfilling life since.
I can do most things apart from press ups and am very busy and active.
Wish your mum all the best from me xx

Also if you are buying pjs for hospital , make sure she gets ones that button up the front .
Docs and nurses are forever coming round for a post op gawp , so they need easy access !

And slippers that she can just slip her feet into. No bending required.