My lovely lady wife informed me that you ladies had hinted at an interest in my safety techniques ever since I saved my dear lady wife after her misfortune with the scanner and a glass of Saint Emilion Grand Cru. I am, as ever, delighted to oblige, so here goes:
- Do not attempt to dry your hair with a hairdryer in the bath (my wife never gets the hang of this one, so I've considerately put a socket near the taps for her convenience!)
- Check that the oven is free from small animals before turning it on (my wife still doesn't know the truth about Timmy the Hamster).
- Do not attempt to polish wooden stairs with Mr Sheen, they may look nice and shiny but the catastrophes that follow are usually not worth it.
- Never clean pcs or televisions with soapy water.
- The microwave should never be used as a clothes dryer.
- Putting shampoo in the washing machine to clean it is not generally considered a good idea.
- Do not spray perfume onto lit scented candles to make them smell nicer - the resulting burning flesh smell is not good.
- Generally speaking, creases in wallpaper CANNOT be ironed out using a conventional iron.
- Do not store bleach in used vodka bottles that your wife/partner uses.
I hope these useful tips prove to be of some assistance to you all. If you need any more practical advice, do call a man! Ladies are positively lovely but on a site such as this, I think you'll find men are much better at the practicalities!