Just had my breast clinic appointment at hospital

[EvesMama]

posted a while back about the lump i found.
gp reffered me to hospital and had my visit today.
lump has moved, but consultant said my right breast felt 'much lumoier' overall than the right and sent me for ultrasound..this didnt really show anything but was so very painful just examining and using the scanning devise.
went back to first consultant who said he would have to take a selection of cells from the area to determine what he was dealing with.
that part was one of the most painful things ive ever had done baring labour..felt like he was slicing my breast off from the inside

now have to wait 3 week s and go back..same day we move!

Oh honey, thinking about you and have everything crossed for 3 weeks time.

Am wincing for you.

Try not to worry (but of course you will)

what makes it worse is that dp or not so D! and i had a argument sunday night when dd woke up ''again' at 11pm screaming she wanted her dad..he lay in bed(said he didnt want to undermine me by coming in!!) and then came an angryu argument..led into monday..had appointment tuesday(on my own) but the way hes been he'd have been no use.
rang him to tell him what was happening, sounded as symathetic as he could while at work..came home..still in t**t of mood...bought himself lager(on a wednesday??)..bought dd a lolly and didnt so much as look at me!
that hurt the most, realising that i have had to undergo treatment for a lump in my breast and he really doesnt give a shit..am very sad and confused over everything at the moment

it could be as he was always the same when i was upset about my abuse as a child..but i really needed him and he has just been horrible.
im wondering where i go from here..sorry this is off tangent, but i feel so crap, got a huge bruise on my breast and it still feels like the needle is in it, the mark that gp said was a blood blister 4 months ago is still there and because im hesitant to look/feel it, i didnt realise and said it had gone to consultant, so he must think im stupid..and now we have three weeks before moving date and i dont know if i can do it..he just doesnt seem to care or give a dam about me anymore

he's behaving so pathetic at the moment, hed prob tear the card up..i can see whta he does with me, he is now starting to do with dd except hes apologising to her..shes going through a wingy stage(just started nursery school) and one minute hell shout at her the next hell be all lovy dovey, expect he just doesnt bother with me when hes been horrible..i just feel so alone and dont know what to do.

i will ring hosp and leave message as thats praying on my mind.
i cant believe he just isnt interested, he doesnt care..doesnt matter what kind of argumant we'd had if it was him id have got over it and would be supporting him

Have you sat down with him and calmly explained how you feel? Maybe he is finding it hard to cope with. But you really do need his support, especially with the move just around the corner too.

at the minute all i can do is cry.
after i rang him yesterday, i got on with stuf and ran him a bath coming home from work, thinking he would be nice and normal..but he wasnt he was awkward and arsy(with me, fine with dd..almost trying to prove a point?)..we even had someone collecting our old cooker and i went out to move cars away from garage..when they came he said 'the guys here, im not helping him, i doing my tea!'..i went out got the guy to back onto drive and i helped him lift a bloody great oven onto his van..when i walked in i said thanks, ive just been to hospital today having all sorts of tests and stuff done, but yourt ea is more important than getting me to lift a cooker!..he didnt say anything then a few minutes later acting with dd like nothing happend??

rang hosp and bathered my explanation to secretary of consultant, must have sounded loopy

dd started wil diarhea tonight..poor lamb and even that didnt get him communicatining/hellping idle t**t

got letter friday to go back less than two weeks after initial visit for results..am rather scared.
rang dp to tell him he would have to take afternoon off to look after dd, then at home later still nothing.

talking this morning as i knew he would cos we had our house visit to check things out before we move in..he got up and made sausage sandwhiches, played with dd and told me about his shit time at work this week!WTF!!!

took dd dancing, went to house, had lunch, went looking for bedroom furniture, went out for dinner and to soft play..mentioned his ds ringing and turning it round to be about her and how she was 'more' ill when in hosp a few weeks ago and he got mad about her saying shes so selfish like that!...two peas in a pod!
maybe it is his way of 'dealing' with it afterall..but it doesnt help me.

dd(just gone 3) keps asking how my boobs are

Evesmama, I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time of it. Try not to read too much into the "less than 2 weeks" thing. It will depend very much on the surrent caseload- if they have a spare appointment in less than two weeks they wouldn't make you wait a few more days just for the sake of being consistent. Thinking of you xx

thanks Tamum