Alcohol habits

[TandemTina]

Hi. I'm a regular here but have name changed for this

My DH 's drinking habits concern me greatly.

Habitually - he starts the evening with a generous g&t and follows this with a bottle of red wine.

Every night.

Never drinks alcohol for breakfast and diesnt hide bottles.

Weekends he often has a beer if two at lunchtimes, but not habitually.

He is 56. Has been following this pattern for as long as I've known him. Well, actually we used to share a bottle if wine whereas now he gets very pissed off if I ask to have just a small glass from his bottle rather than open another bottle. Just for the one drink.

What I would really like here is some advice in what damage he is doing to his body.

Would he be classed as an alcoholic?

I guess many of us (especially if we are working be it out of the home or in the home) are prone to returning home or sitting down with a glass of larger than recommended vino/G&T etc. but it does seem that your DH is drinking more than perhaps is healthy. Not sure what the proper definition of an alcoholic is so I won't start to try and pretend I know, however, for his health it would probably be best if he could cut down. Myself and my DH notice a 'creep' from time to time, and then swop a few nights a week for a pint of squash or fruit juice (which granted is alot less fun!) Maybe now the lighter nights are approaching suggest a walk in the evenings or a bike ride etc. to keep temptation out of the way. In my (our) experience these habits can be broken, I think we all fall into them. If it's worse than it sounds it may require a rethink!

A bottle of wine is 10 units. a single G&T is 1.5 units, but it sounds like you're describing at least a double, so that would be 3 units. A total if 13 units every day.

Drinking like this every night all week is 91 units, so with beers at the weekend you're looking at more like 100.

The safe recommendation for women is 14 units PER WEEK. And for men, a maximum of 21 units PER WEEK.

That, added to the potential drinking that you may not see, plus the fact that he gets crabby when you try to have a single glass rather than opening up another bottle, does suggest there is a problem with alcohol.

Whether that is alcoholism or alcohol dependency is another matter. And I would say they are pretty much cousins, neither being good for your health or your relationship.

You are right to be concerned.

He certainly seems to be a heavy drinker but I think the descent into alcoholism is to do with control.
If he can drink as much as he does and then put it down, it is most certainly unhealthy - but not alcoholic drinking.
When the drinks takes over, that's alcoholism.
There are many definitions but, from what you have posted, I wouldn't necessarily class your husband as an alcoholic. A problem drinker, maybe. Doing damage to himself, probably.
The not wanting to share his drink could be seen as an issue linked to problem drinking.
It's very difficult if it is causing problems between you and he won't talk about it.
I agree with bigmumma. A night or two away from the booze would do you and your relationship good he will agree to it.
It's a tricky one. Good luck

if he will agree to it

One of the crucial factors in identifying alcoholism or dependency is the presence of withdrawal symptoms if you husband was to abstain for a day or two - these include nausea, shakes etc. However these are hard to identify if he doesn't ever have a day off from drinking.

I would echo what has been said up thread - your DH is exceeding the safe weekly limit by four or five times which puts him at increased risk of all sorts of nasty complications like liver problems, heart disease and memory and concentration problems. The difficult issue is in trying to help him to see his drinking as a problem - one of the common indicators of problem drinking is a defensive or angry response to any suggestion of a problem. Google the AUDIT screening tool, it is quite a useful assessment of problem drinking.

Ideally the first step would be for your husband to acknowledge the problem and either cut down or speak to your GP. Good luck OP, it's a tricky situation but having a caring DW like you is very much in his favour