Partner with cricifying,permanent pain

[tyedye]

Does anyone else have a partner in constant pain?

Not sever pain, but yes dh is in constant pain in many joints - he suffers from arthritis (due to psoriasis).

how much strain does it put on you as a family?

A fair bit mainly in terms of what he can/can't do with the children, some days his toes/heels play up and even walking is painful - also it affects his mood - he can be downright miserable (can't really blame him).

what does that do to you?,im having a tough time.

CHICAGOMUM,sorry,i am on another thread where we are all baring our souls at present,i will have come across a bit intense and i apologise.

Hi tyedye

Sometimes its tough adjusting your thoughts to cope with a partner who is having health problems .. its like grief .. you have to go through the process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance each time it hits you that you're not having the 'normal' family life you expected

.. what is wrong with your partner (male / female?)? is s/he under medication?

Chronic Back pain,BBL twiglett,thank you!

has he talked to GP about pain management .. there are clinics that deal with pain management covering the psychological as well as the physical ..

have they found a cause for the back pain? has he medication?

actually what am I doing .. this isn't about him is it? its about how you are managing with it

its difficult I know .. you need an outlet .. because you have to live with it .. and live with the guilt of resenting it / him .. do you have a support network

am happy to chat to you as I have some experience in the cycles of coping / not coping .. but I'm afraid I'm going out in 5 mins

My dh suffers from chronic pain, it makes our life extremely difficult, to be honest. If your dp hasn't seen the pain team he certainly should do, and he might benefit from some hypnotherapy or other complementary therapy like acupuncture.

I,apparently,walk all over him,i dont go out other than grocery shopping etc,i will check back with you when i can,your responses mean everything to me as i need to leave him now.

That post sounded really selfish
DP is now unfit,mentally to parent due to pain and depression.

tyedye, it sounds like you're really desperate. I assume that because of his pain, you are basically having to do everything (aka "walking all over him") and I know what an incredible strain that can be - for you, and for your marriage.

Please keep in touch, it sounds like you both need some time to talk things through. You say he is unfit to parent, what effect is he having on your little one(s)?

He is stepparent to my teens,we have 2 little ones together,he refuses to adapt to life with teens,expects them to remain "kiddys",but they are thirteen and fifteen,he is destroying his relationship with them and me.

Oh I sympathise, I have lived it and it's hell. DH has "bad times" when the pain overwhelms him and it is literally living with a bear with a sore head. He is seeing an osteopath now with mixed results and having acupuncture. He had an accident 9 years ago (hit and run crossing road), smashed leg, limped for years hence back alignment problems = constant pain + leg pain too + migraines which I think is related.

Sometimes I wish he would just wake up and be breezy but instead something always hurts and sometimes I could run out the door.

Here to empathise if you need me.

thank you kbear,empathy much needed,i will log on later,baby grizzly and tired.it would be interesting to hear how you cope,we have an osteo"also.

I cope by alternately gushing sympathy, being practical (I bullied him into seeing the osteopath) and ignoring! Ooh, that sounds harsh but I'm sure you know what I mean. There are only so many times when you can say all the right things to someone in pain.

Frustation can make you act harshly,i have bullied dp into all the help we have had so far,back to gps next week,its like i am beating my head against the wall,he wants to grimly struggle through,says he is "fine"when hes grey with pain,it does strange things to his personality.But i have 4 kids and i cant always be strong for him too.
I get EXTREMELY depressed at times and drink far too much(as i am admitting on another thread at the moment!)I need to do schoolruns now,BBLxx

hi, here's a link to a radio programme on \link{http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/science/casenotes_20060124.shtml\back pain}

also - one of the links at the bottom, Pete Moore is a former back pain sufferer who set up his own pain management programme (after going on the one at Guy's hospital) and is now a trainer on the govt's expert patient programme. i found him completely inspirational.

thanks bundle.

tyedye - does your dp know what causes his back pain? did he have an accident or illness?

I know very well that "grey with pain" look. DH is doing well at the moment but at one point we were out shopping and he nearly passed out with pain. I'd never be able to stop him keeling over either, that worried me. It was then we went back to osteopathy. He will live with this all his life I imagine, with good periods of time and bad. I've got him swimming now, and he goes to the gym and uses the treadmill etc. Exercise seems to help but it doesn't take much before he's in agony and we can't work out what's gone wrong. We're going on a long car journey at the end of this month - THAT won't help I'm sure.

Hi all,DP pensioned off from fire service,18 years ago with major,muscular injury,tried anipulation under a general anaesthetic,etc........life sentence for all of us{sad]

I know that feeling, tyedye, like it's a life sentence for all of you. As I've said elsewhere, the medical profession isn't really geared up for chronic, difficult-to-pin-down, probably cross-discipline disorders, but getting help from the local pain team is essential. Your GP cannot help, in my opinion, other than to refer you on.

If you can do a bit of research online into your local hospitals, you may be able to steer your GP in the direction you want him/her to go. Arthritis charities are pretty good for general chronic pain conditions, I will see what I can dig up.

thanks tribpot,kbear,my dp greyed out in morrisons yesterday,he doesnt sleep well,thrashes around and shouts with pain in his sleep,so not take much sleep for me either.He goes nuts if my nocturnal teens disturb him,recently chucked laptop across the room!
I cant take much more.

I really appreciate all your practical suggestions,thank you!!gp recommended physio"and non-steroidal anti-inflams"but that didnt work so he has given up.I havent,not quite.His children adore him so i have to try.