my bl**dy dad, what am i to do

[nailpolish]

dad was a first class pr*ck when i was little, poor mum had a nightmare life til she found balls and left him. he was ok with me (probably cos i left home at 16) but he was dreadful to my little brother, and i almost hate him for it (my dad)

he lives quite close to me, as does mum, but brother lives 2 hrs away

anyway

dad is becoming quite ill. he lives a very lonely life, i see him occassionaly (mainly because dd's like him a bit) but he still gets on my fuc*ing nerves (sorry). mum has these guilt pangs about leaving him so lonely, but its his own fault (bro shouts at me for saying that)

what am i to do? do i become the dutiful daughter and help him with his messages/housework?

he still works but is retiring soon. i dread this as he will just sit in his house all day alone and then go to the bowling club of an evening or weekend. or pester me by 'popping in' all the time

i think he realises what a shit he was and talks about the past quite a bit, says he is sorry etc. but its a bit late for that.

What about you tell him you're doing a class or something on a Monday so he stops just popping around, and instead you invite him to Sunday lunch every few weeks so he has a designated time slot?

i see what you mean robin, but i couldnt do that. it would be telling a lie. and i dont want him invading on my weekends

Only one more thing to do....move and don't tell him!

mum is going to see him tonight and will go with her.

she thinks he is depressed, and i dont have an ounce of sympathy

Has your mother got a new man np?
He sounds awful,shocked at the examples you give.
Are these the things you tell him?
What does he say when he cries?
Any women in his life?

hi md

no mum doesnt have a new man

no i dont bring up the past, he usually cries when i am telling him about something about the present, like mum's sisters dh (his BIL) who fell and broke his leg recently, and who was housebound cos him and his wife are quite elderly, and there was loads of other probs. dad cried cos he used to be best mates with this man, but he has become isolated from everyone, whereas a few years ago they would have all been there for each other. he was sad and angry (dad was)

he says things like "i feel a prat for not being different" "i wish i could turn the clock back"

he went round and helped his BIL for a bit, but it kind of fizzled out again
he doesnt have a woman

i have now fallen out with my brother and he shouted at me when i called to tell him about dad, he asked why i hadnt gone round IMMEDIATELY, i tried to explain dd2 was sleeping for her afternoon nap, but he didnt listen.

when dd2 woke, mum and i went round, and bro was on the phone to dad.

NP how far does your brother live from your father, why can he not go around and take care of his father instead of ordering you to???

he lives 80 miles away, fuzzy, but thanks for backing me up!

i could have got into an argument along the lines of "well you hardly phone him" but i couldnt be bothered

It's pretty easy for your brother to be loving and forgiving from 80 miles away. Is he due a holiday from work at some point, perhaps he'd like to come down and live with your dad for a few days and offer his support from a little nearer.

yes i agree fuzzy.

bro is all talk and no action

i have just phoned dad and asked him if he wants to go and feed the ducks with dd's and i, he is sounding a bit better

i just do everything with a feeling of grudge, iyswim

life goes on, eh?

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread, but it reminds me of my own dad. He is a first class prat, but also a drinker = perhaps a bit different from your dad. It is the whole guilt thing that really annoys me. He has never felt guilty for hitting me when I was a child in fact he tells me now about what a first class childhood I had. I keep my mouth shut, but it makes me so angry when I think of how he used to hit me when I was only about 7 years old. Now he expects my sympathy. B***d. Sorry - just a quick rant. My brother lives abroad and tells me that I should be more attentive. He moved away so that he didn't have to be near him, so why should I go round and help him. I am sorry, but I can't forgive like that. I find it hard to look him in the eye sometimes.