Wasn't sure where to put this but am I right in thinking my H is my legal next of kin ....

[2sugarsandadog]

... and as such, were I on a life support system ever, would have the right to 'pull the plug', as it were?

Our differences came to light in a conversation I had with my mum yesterday of which he became a part, and subsequently I certainly wouldn't want to leave the decision up to him! Is there any legal way of changing who your next of kin is?

Anyone?

I'm not sure of the legallity of next of kin. I certainly do not want my mother having the choice of pulling the plug because she would never do it.

I do have a 'living will', I think they are also called an advance directive and the person I list as NOK knows my wishes.

'Next of kin' is kind of an outdated concept. I agree with sassh, if you want him to have the right to make those kind of decision, your best option is to go to a solicitor and get an advanced directive done so those wishes are clear. That's a legal document that staff would have to stand by (or would be at risk of being sued).

Surely though nobody would know about it if I were incapacitated? All it would need would be H saying he didn't know of its existance, then everyone would be in the clear. I'm not saying it wouldn't work in some circumstances, just that I'm surprised there seems to be no fallible way of making your wishes clear when you're not, erm, able to. Short of something like that surely it would fall on to your next of kin and, in my case, my husband? Seems nuts though. And I wouldn't want my H making that decision because I think he'd pull the plug without first even waiting to be asked!

When you are admitted to hospital, staff ask you (or your next of kin if you are incapacitated) who your next of kin is.

I dont know if this helps but when my dad was admitted recently the doctors totally ignored his wishes and the next of kins (ie my mums and our) wishes so I dont think you should worry unduly as they do whatever they want anyway.

Well that's assuming you're admitted as an emergency. My Mum had an advanced directive including a DNR because of her health problems which they honoured.

You could always carry it with you in case of emergency? Generally medics don't so much as the relative what they want to do, rather what they think the individual would have wanted e.g. Most people's instincts is to save someone regardless but when asked will admit relatives 'didn't want to linger' and they are encouraged to chose what the individual wanted not what they want.

Have you expressed your wishes to your H?!

Ha! Not sure H would give a monkey's about my wishes but yes he does know but that's even more reason to assume he wouldn't abide by them. I just think, were you to be admitted incapacitated and the option was to keep you on life support or not, it would be fairly easy for someone to hide a piece of paper they know you kept in your purse, or wherever, detailing your wishes. Just thought for something as important as that it doesn't seem very, erm, foolproof ...

It's a rather cynical view to assume someone wouldn't want to act in your best interests though? You could always appoint someone else as power of attorney if you don't trust your H to act in accordance with your wishes?
this website gives more info in a more eloquent way than I can put it!

Hi OP,

If it makes you feel better in a 'pull the plug' situation they will ask your next of kin what they think YOUR wishes would have been but they have no legal right to demand /refuse treatment on your behalf. If they have power of attorney for health they have a bit more clout but can still not demand treatment. HTH x

Thanks cookie, that's exactly what I wanted to know - how you go about electing someone of your behalf to hold power of attorney for health. Having, I shall go and have a look, thanks!