Finally admitting I have a drink problem. Feel sad and ashamed.

[Forrotor]

I woke up this morning, hungover, feeling sick and with no memory of getting home last night. And that's after a lovely family Christmas day. I started drinking at 2pm and carried on and carried on.

I have always been a big drinker. I don't drink frequently, but when I do, I drink a lot. If I'm going out, I often have a drink at home first. Actually, I probably do drink frequently. At least once a week, usually at home.

And now, I want to stop. I really want to stop. I am looking at my two beautiful children and I don't want to waste a single m

moment more being drunk or feeling like this. My daughter has already commented that I get embarrassing when I'm drunk. I don't want to embarrass her any more.

So, this is it. I'm not sure why I'm posting. For advice, yes. For a flaming perhaps, because I deserve it. Definitely not sympathy though. I feel many things, but I don't feel sorry for myself.

Forrotor - I sympathise with you. I used to be the same as you. After many years I admitted I had a problem with alcohol. I did the "quiz" on the AA website. If you score over a certain number then you are alcoholic. I now go to AA meetings. The people are lovely, and I haven't had a drink for 5 months. My life is so much better now. You will not be preached at, just helped.

I'm not going to flame you love. It takes a lot to recognise and name an issues of this nature. And you do have my every symapthy. I don't believe people seek out addiction.

I've been out of the UK too long to know how things work now, but perhaps start with a visit to your GP to get a general check up and see what resources he can point you towards or refer you to?

I think you being brave to face this head on, it can't be easy or comfortable at all.

Thank you both for replying, I appreciate it. I do feel quite scared, yet strangely at peace. Almost like, right, ok, there's a problem and now I can start to deal with it. I also feel very sad though, I can't explain it really.

The thing that scares me most is that I'm going to have to talk to dh. He is lovely, really lovely, but I think it won't be easy for him. Easier for me in a strange way.

I am so angry with myself too. Ironically, my mum has a drink problem. I am not as bad as she was, but I hate that I am even close to it.

Thank you for that link. I'll go and take a look.

everyone on the Bus is really supportive and full of great advice. and we don't judge. and it's for everybody, those who are trying to quit and those who are just trying to cut down, we've got all types on there.

come over and tell us your story. I'm stuck at the in-laws today, and will be checking in!

I think you should be proud of yourself for recognising you have a problem & doing something about it. All the best.

That's very kind, but I don't feel at all proud of myself. Maybe I will if I stop, but even now I'm thinking 'New Year's Eve! Without drink?' I have wine in the fridge and I thought, 'Well, I should drink that before I give up completely. A waste otherwise.' I am actually pathetic.

Well done you! You can be a hazardous drinker without being alcohol dependent, it sounds like this may describe you. You don't deserve a flaming in the slightest, get yourself a gp appt tomorrow and tell him/her what you've told us xxx

My daughter has just described something that happened last night. Something innocuous, but I have absolutely no recollection of it. I was not falling down drunk and yet I have a huge chunk of Christmas missing. I feel disgusted with myself. Utterly disgusted.

Thank you all so much for being so kind. I am going to get help and am determined to never feel this low and ashamed again. I never want my children to feel embarrassed by me or scared of me. There are so many good reasons to sort out my drinking and I'm going to start right now.

Would it be worth tipping the wine down the sink plughole?

Both as a symbolic first step and also making it easier to be in the house becuase it has no alcohol in it ?

Ooooh I was in your position a few years ago OP. I now haven't had a drink since I conceived DD and she is 6 .... so 7 years now. I now have a crystal clear memory, more money in my pocket, I'm not so tired, I don't suffer from hangovers .... you can do it, we're here for you!

OP, I stopped drinking completely a year ago because I hated the person alcohol turned me into - loud, opinionated and argumentative. I didn't drink to excess - just a couple of glasses of wine would turn me into something hideous. I had my last drink last NYE and started the couch to 5k running plan on NY's day morning to give me something to focus on.

Not drinking has made a huge difference to my life. I still go to the pub but have soft drinks - no-one bats an eyelid.
Yesterday, at our local pub for Xmas day lunchtime drinks, my neighbour was so drunk that she wet herself in front of her teenaged children and their friends. Her boys left the pub, came round to my house and sobbed. It was so heartbreaking. If you are worried about how your drinking is affecting your children and determined to do something about it, you are definitely to be applauded.

That's great OP, good luck with it.

You've done the hardest step of all OP admitting to yourself that there is a problem.

I am in the same boat as you, the way I drank sounds similar to you also. You are suffering from black outs that's why there are chunks you can't remember.

You should definitely look on the AA website, lots of information on there or even try calling the help line.

I done my first AA meeting in May this year, but I haven't abstained since then. Drank a handful of times since then but found Christmas very hard.

You are all being so lovely. I didn't expect this and I am grateful to those of you sharing your stories. It gives me real hope.

I think though, you are giving me too much credit.. I haven't actually done anything yet. I haven't even spoken to dh. I am actually quite a weak person and shy away from difficult situations. Plus, I have brought this upon myself. I am not brave at all. But I will be.

I have looked through some of the Brave Babes thread and it's an inspiring and comforting read. I don't know that I am ready to join in just yet. Those are women who are actually fighting the fight, whereas all I have done so far is a lot of thinking. Still, I hope it is the start of something.

I am horrified with myself. I have no idea why I thought my drinking was ok. I have been so affected by my mum's drinking and yet, here I am. I know that this self-loathing doesn't help, but I have to take responsibility for what I've been doing.

Forrotor, another one wishing you well. I finally told my parents it they could have contact with me or they could keep drinking but not both. They chose alcohol. Thank you for choosing your children. People like you give me hope that someday my parents will come round. Best of luck!

Don't be so nice to me! I'll cry. Oh, too late, I am crying. Thank you again, everyone. I am amazed at the kindness you've all shown. Oh dear. Now I sound like I've been drinking. I definitely haven't!

I have looked through some of the Brave Babes thread and it's an inspiring and comforting read. I don't know that I am ready to join in just yet. Those are women who are actually fighting the fight, whereas all I have done so far is a lot of thinking.

But there were all once where you are now. And know how and why they took the next baby step...to the next baby step...and on to the big strides forward. I don't think for a minute that they will see you as being anything other than a welcome addition to the conversation.

Maybe joining that thread is your next baby step forward?

I will definitely look in on the bus and say hello.

I don't feel like I've accomplished anything at all today, though I have been doing an awful lot of soul-searching. I am so angry with myself.

The day is done now though. That's at least one day out of the way.

Do your best to give up. I grew up with a seriously hard core long term middle class intelligent alcoholic as a mother and watched her deteriorate year on year despite our solicitations advice and efforts. And quite apart from what it meant to us as children, it made our mother a ridiculous, loud. maudlin, over lipsticked, false, sleeping parent.. in the early days. In the later years it made her brain damaged and ruined her entire life.
Give it up it doesn't do anything positive for you

I will do my absolute best. I also grew up with an alcoholic mother, which is partly why I'm so ashamed. However, I am giving myself just today to wallow and cry. This thread has been a huge help to me, but I need to take responsibility.

I don't want my children to ever feel they are anything but loved, important and my number one priority.