It started as a sleep disorder 2 months ago. I was getting about an hour sleep at most, and this went on for a month or so. I have also suffereed migraines, the main trigger for these being lack of sleep so I wasn't surprised initially when I was getting migraines almost constantly.
I decided to ssee the doctor but by the time I got an appt I was sleeping about 5 hours a night ans she said that was good and offered me sleeping tablets which I didn't want. I continued feeling awful with exhaustion, headaches and often confusion and almsot being delirious at my most tired, but assumed I had developed a sleep debt which had to be paid off so would ened a few more good nights before I caught up and felt well again. After a while I felt so bad and sometimes the headaches didn't respond to normal medication that I wondered if I had a brain tumour. I felt so bad I felt if it wasn't for the children I wouldn't give a toss i I had one as it was o life being too poorly to get off the sofa.
But I didn't want to find out if I had a tumour or not becuse I knew i I found out I did have one, I would be so worried and upset for the children. I thought it would be ok if treatable as then the children wouldn't lose me but if I had one and it wasn't treatable, I's rather not know as I would be too upset to enjoy what time I had left with them. also the worrying about how the children would cope would mean I had even less sleep and make me feel even worse so it would be even harder to give them quality time. So, as I also thought it wasn't very likely I ahd a tumour, because the doctor hadn't been concerned, I decided not to bother asking for a scan.
However, the headaches and exhaustion and confusion got worse and I felt so bad I then became cconvinced I dd=id have a tumour, I was worried but ahd a good think about the children and how they would deal with it and felt if it was this I could accept it and was reassured the children would get through it so decided to have a scan and find out. However, I couldn't get a referral , my doctor still wasnt concerned.
Once again I felt better for a while but now, although I still feel generally much better than a few weeeks agi, I still wake up confused saying silly things in the night, and have daily migraines, some of which need 2 llots of medication to deal with and take a while to respond to the meds. So now I am gain thinking I may have a brain tumour I probably haven't but the funny thing is, even though it seems much less likely now, I am much more worried about the children. Its like I had accepted wht I thought was inebvitable and prpared myself ffor telling the children and worked out how others could support them after my death, and now I've felt better for a while I've stoppe dthinking about that and forgotten how I would prepre them , help them etc and thats why I'm worried again
I know this i all sounds extremelt extremely paranoid, but seeing how upset they were a few years ago over the death of soeone they didnt know that well, and as they are quite emotional children anyway, some with SN, and as there is a family hitory of brain tumours I can't help worrying.
I doubt the doctor would refer me for a scan as she didnt before but I often volunteer for university research and I was asked a few weeks back to take part in one which involves and MRI scan of the brain and agreed but they ahve only just got back to me with a possible date which is this week and although not done for diagnostic purposes, there is a chance they will notice something
sorry for the paranoia and very long post
A Week or so later I had a couple of day when i elt well almsot all day then I felt wors