Severely, severely scared about standard procedure

[whimperinginacorner]

Just putting this out there because I am so scared I frankly don't know what to do with myself (honestly not exaggerating) and need help/collective wisdom of Mumsnet/coping strategies.

I know I need a large kick up the arse but I have delayed having an endoscopy/colonoscopy since October 2010 out of extreme fear.

Since then the symptoms have got worse (I have many of the symptoms of cancer of the oesophagus and am convinced I have it. My father died of it. My cousin is currently dying of it . And in addition to nausea, regurgitation/acid reflux, I can now feel something at the back of my throat and a fortnight ago, spotted a creamy white patch or lump behind my right tonsil.)

So I have made another appointment (in 10 days time) to discuss the above and already have a space booked for the endoscopy/colonoscopy at the beginning of December, but despite the fact that the fear of not knowing is almost approaching the same level of fear about the procedure, I honestly don't know if I can go ahead with the latter.

If this was the history of someone else I would be screaming at them "of course you must go and have it done you nutter" but I am so terrified at the thought of having a tube put down my throat that I am currently a gibbering wreck; I don't seem to be able to focus on anything else and am almost paralysed with fear - can't function normally. Just making the appointments on the phone caused extreme nausea, shaking, sweating. How on earth am I going to get through the actual thing?

hey whimper, well done for going through with your appointment . You've got over that first major hurdle and so you will with all the next ones. It sounds like you've a good consultant who is taking your fears seriously so that has got to help.

Don't feel ashamed, it sounds like you have every reason to feel worried about what the consultant might find. Please try not google any more!

I think I'm starting to relax a little now that I've got yesterday out the way. I probably won't relax entirely until the biopsy results are through though.

My consultant is actually lovely (I think i might even have a bit of a crush on him ) and I do trust him. I actually overheard him say to a trainee dr on Monday 'I feel sorry for people with duodenal polyps as the treatment options can be quite risky' so I don't think he's bad at his job just that there are hugh risks involved.

Anyway please come back and keep us posted about your appointment. I want to hear that you've come safely out the other side!

PS I didn't get the job I went for, have no idea whether that was because I was still full of heavy duty sedation and didn't answer the questions properly or whether I just wasn't the right person!

Well done for attending the appointment. See, you're incredibly brave and managing the anxiety so well.

Well done to Minty too.

Sounds like you have a fantastic, understanding consultant. I'm glad it was a positive consultation. Just one more appointment to go.

Try not to worry about the oral problem. Your health anxiety is heightened at the moment and every bit of information is worrying you. As you say, no point in wasting energy freting about something that you might not have. Hopefully, the specialist will have a good look on the day and will allay your worries.

Good luck. Chat to us if you get wobbly on the lead up to the appt.

Whimper, please don't panic. I had some white patches on my tongue a few years ago and completely freaked out. I went straight to the dentist who reassured me that it was completely harmless "frictional keratosis". Ever since have been hyper- vigilant about my mouth, and I too noticed a creamy white patch on my tonsils. I panicked- again-, but couldn't bring myself to go back to the dentist. Fear I suppose after I'd been so stressed out first time. I watched it and waited- and it disappeared after about 6-7 weeks. Then it reappeared the next time I had something very minor like a cold or something- and stayed again for 6-7 weeks. And it still does. Never mentioned it to dentist, and she's never mentioned it either. It's very easy to worry- am very prone to that, but I'm sure you'll be fine. Thinking of you all.x

Whimper, how are you? Did you get an appointment for the procedure?