To manage my eating disorder without talking to a Dr?

[SneakyNuts]

Long story short;

I don't really want anyone to know and think I can control it (as much as it can be)
It embarrasses me and I'd prefer to be left to my own devices- can't talk to DP as he will go mad and march me to a counsellor

AIBU to not see a Dr? Surely there are others who function day to day without help?

Please, please get help. My dm has had bulima for as long as I remember and my sister and I have been major affected by it. I remember crying at the bathroom door when I was little, terrified that my mum was going to die because she was always sick.

I'm 25 now and it breaks my heart to see that she's still damaging herself, she refuses to see there's a problem. Please get help. It will be best for you and your family.

Majorly*

Obnoxious ex-boyfriend is a good metaphor. Having an ED is a type of terrible relationship with yourself, I suppose, a love-hate one.

SneakyNuts it is ok to be scared. I lived with anorexia for about 8 years before I was finally "cured" (not that you are ever cured but that was when I was discharged from the care of my ed specialist) and it is a scary thing. I still to this day have habits that I doubt I will ever lose to do with the way I have to eat my food (like in order or cut in a certain way etc) and I still check calorie contents and weigh myself everyday. But I am not ruled by food anymore. I look at the calorie content and then eat it anyway :) I don't obsess over excercise (although I do still fidget alot) and I don't stress if I'm a bit bigger than I'd like. I do still get guilt in the back of my head when I eat something particularly naughty but I have learned to live with that and I can see how silly it is. It took a lot of help and support and several hospital stays to get to this point and you know what? It is bloody worth it. It's extremely hard to admit you have a problem. You seem to acknowledge that you do and you can change your life. But trying to go it alone is not the way forward. The reason I have made it out the other side is because I took the help offered. Not at first, in fact I didn't actually get treatment for around 4 years, but when I did it was the best thing I could've done. Dh supported me massively and yes, he dragged me to appointments when I thought I knew better and thought I didn't need help. But I'm glad he did. If it weren't for him (and the staff at the ed unit and psych team) I wouldn't have done it and I wouldn't have my dcs or be pg with no 3. Please get help. I will stop preaching now but please if you want any support get in touch

Isn't part of the problem with an eating disorder that those suffering from it do try to keep it a secret as that is a form of control and matches all the other forms of behaviour they adopt to hide that they are not actually eating or are eating and then vomiting. Seeking medical help is the start to the road to recovery. Keeping it secret is not.

I have been there, OP. I thought I could handle it myself. Until my Mum marched me off to see my GP. He started talking about having my institutionalised, which frightened me, big time. So I tried to eat more. Then my little sister started buying me lovely clothes in a size 10, so as to encourage me to put on enough weight to fit into them. Which I did, so thought I was all better. But I'm not. My relationship with food is not normal. I might eat a whole 12 inch cheesy pizza one day, then nothing but water, Diet Coke, and cup-a-soup the next. I have put on weight, but I still suffer from disordered eating. I am now considering CBT, as I am still not totally well (despite my 'healthy' weight). Obviously, it is your call. And, if you are anything like me, the more you are pushed to get help, the more you will decline to do so. But if you do decide that you want help, please PM me. I still have days where I revert back to having no more that 500 calories and 5 grams of fat. It is entirely up to you to decide to eat. I will help you through that, if you want (eating my first proper dinner after deciding to get well was the scariest thing I have ever done, I cried the whole way through it).

By keeping it a secret, you aren't managing it.

EDs are all about control and secrecy.

Please get help, love. Its a hard path to recovery, but the damage you are doing to yourself both physically and mentally is extreme.