Weak orgasms - hardly an O at all. What would a GP say?

[tooEmbarrassedtogotogp]

I've done a bit of googling and it's hard to find anything useful. Most of the advice seems to be that you must be depressed or that you can't relax. But I know it's not that. I used to have great orgasms. I'm 42 and I think I noticed this at about 40 and it's taken me this long to even post about it never mind go to the doctor. My health is good. I don't smoke, my bmi is 23 and I drink wine with a meal but not at home (or rarely). I exercise quite a bit. I am not depressed. I like the man I'm with now more than when I was with my x who I left five years ago. But with him the O situation was OK. NOw that I'm with somebody I like I would hardly notice the orgasm at all. It's a peak but not satisfying. Just like a flap. I would hate to think that that's it forever. I still want to have sex by the way, so it's not a low libido thing. LIbido stronger now. But it doesn't matter whether I try and give myself one or not. Still just the same annoying flap.

Any GPs out there? or anybody involved with sexual health at all? what would you say if somebody came into your clinic with this 'problem'.

Interesting - that's a good description of mine since I had hysterectomy .

So maybe something to do with muscle contractions /lack of ?

I suspect, unless you choose carefully which GP you discuss this with, you may get a frustrating response, but it's poss I'm just being unfair to GPs everywhere!! You may get more useful information and suggestions frm a family planning clinic type place. The staff there might have real expertise/knowledge on this, whereas my feeling is GP might just rule out all the main possible contributing factors as you have above. Your GP might refer you to a psychosexual counsellor though. Do you think your partner would go with you to couples' counselling?

I suppose the suggestions might include things like going back to basics, trying to achieve orgasm with outside stimulation only (digital or toys), with or without partner. For the majority of women it's not possible to reach orgasm with solely penile intercourse - not sure of the figures, it's years since I worked in this area. (I think i've managed it twice in 30 yrs!) Most women require help, such as digital stimulation (I am one of those women - I've always been reassured to know I'm normal ).

I'd hope in the least your GP would take your concenrs seriously, and refer you on if he/she cannot be useful. Sorry not more heplful.

Look out the latest thread about that pelvic toner ad... this was mentioned on there as a side effect of pelvic floor stuff and there was a v knowledgable sounding poster on there who said don't panic - it can be reversed! (And you don't need to buy a pelvic toner )

I'll try and find you a link, hold on.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1581012-to-wish-that-the-pelvic-toner-advert-would-vanish-now

I was going to say, sometimes these things change when you approach menopause. You are quite young, but not outside normal parameters - often hormonal changes will take place several years before periods change in an obvious way. The Gp might do blood tests to check levels in your blood of relevant hormones.

Just donning my super-hero mask and swooping in....

There are lots of causes of libido loss or crummy orgasms.

But, in the absence of any physical, neurological, mental health, contraceptive or medical ishoos - might well be connected to the pelvic floor.

The nerves that supply your tickly bits also supply the muscles of your undercarriage. At orgasm, there's a muscular contraction. There's lots of evidence that shows having strong muscles = stronger, longer contraction. Cos, who can be bothered in return for a flap? If you're going to Do It you may as well make it worth your while.

The pelvic toner is a gadget that has a spring, so it works on resistance. It has good evidence backing it up, and you can have it prescribed by your GP in some PCT's.

You are right though, you don't NEED one. You NEED to doyerblardyexercises - and the trouble with that is they are boring and easy to forget. I'm tweeting x3/day as a training reminder - when I tweet, you twitch your twinkle. Stick an @onto my name, don't want to fall foul of advertising laws by putting in a link...

Crummy sex life and continece ishoos (front and back) are common. Really common. 1:3 officially - but Lorraine from aff ra telly found it was 75% wh'd admit it to her.

You don't have to put up with it. I'm quite keen for MN to run a campaign - most women don't know what to do, but do know they should be doing soemthing.

Fancy it?

Oh, and thanks, Bertie x

Thank you gussie and Bertie! sounds like an episode of jeeves and wooster.

Gussie sent me a brilliant pm and I've had a look at her site and she's very humorous about an embarrassing subject. I'm following her on twitter now (alhtough I am not a tweeter, I hardly look at it).

I kind of hate myself a little bit for name changing to ask this question.

I think mumsnet should help make it less of a taboo. and if there is a campaign to take the embarrassment out of it, I support it.

Mmmm, a word about embarrassment...

I do understand that it's not easy to talk about our sexual function and continence ishoos. These are private matters, we are taught, rightly so (hoiking up bosom) that what's in your pants is yours and not for public consumption

But, it bemuses me that if (at a conservative estimate) every third one of your peers needs education, information and help about something that devastates self esteem, relationships and lives...well, WHY do we not know more about it?

It's like the way periods were regarded 30 years ago, something Very Private, not suitable for discussion - that's improving, at least. I was lucky enough to see Joan Rivers live last night - and she did a very funny bit about swinging a ketchup soaked tampon above her head at a party.

Ooooh, mibbes I might try to write something funny about swinging a soaked tena pad...

Oh I love Joan Rivers! Is she on tour at the moment?

My friend who got me into fitness dvds was telling me what you needed for a workout, "just two simple handweights, somewhere between 1 and 3 kilos and a mat if working out on a hard floor" and then she paused and said 'doesn't SAY you need tenna ladies'. She sounded doubtful.

I remember my Dad rustling the paper and coughing at the same time when the tampon ads came on!! and my mum telling me that tampons were for married ladies! :-p it's amazing i know what an orgasm is.

She's been in London, Newcastle and I think, Dublin before Glasvegas.

I want to be Joan Rivers when I grow up.

It's my only ambition.

Just wanted to add this, in case anyone reads this and is in the same predicament. Entering perimenopause and also thyroid issues will do the same thing, and studies suggest that pelvic floor strength has less to do with it than previously thought