There is so much double-speak in your message. A bystander can see the cognitive dissonance plain as day but I know that, from your point of view, it all seems coherent. It reminds me very strongly of the verbal linguistics my ex would engage in to justify continuing to drink despite the fall-out. Let me highlight some of the things that stood out to me:
Although sobriety is a scary prospect tbh. - Why is it scary? If someone told you "you can never eat custard again", would you find that equally scary? Isn't it actually a scarier prospect that you are so dependent on a chemical that the mere thought of never using it again scares you?
But I still want to have a drink socially if I please. - in other words, regardless of the damage alcohol has caused to you, your marriage and your family in the past, you still feel entitled to drink in the future whenever you want. On the two days a week you're drinking now, are you actually drinking socially? Or are you drinking at home on your own?
I don't want to stop altogether. Just want to control it. - In twenty-odd years you never learned the ability to reliably control it. Why is it so important to you that you are willing to risk so much in yet another experiment?
I am a stubborn bugger and equally will not let drink beat me. - you are indeed very stubborn. You are so stubborn that despite the deep damage alcohol has caused to your relationship and the imminent risk that your marriage may fall apart entirely because of your drinking, you are insistent that you must retain the right to drink whenever you want. Is it you that is stubborn or your alcohol problem?
Family first yes, goes without question. - Sorry, but that's a lie you are telling to yourself. You may believe it but I'm not sure anyone else does. Not least because you you immediately undermine it with a "but...". You may say it's family first, but your actions are very clearly saying it's "family first, unless that threatens my entitlement to drink".
Why is alcohol so important to you?