Please hold my hand, worried sick about DH

[OhThisIsJustGrape]

Bit of back story: DH's dad died in his fifties from a heart attack. DH's brother died at 39, he'd had an op for a heart valve replacement but they think there was a problem with it and he dropped dead a year after the op.

This was 2 years ago and I have nagged and nagged DH to get himself checked and he kept saying he would but never has

He mentioned, very casually, a couple of weeks ago that he'd had palpitations but they'd not lasted long and he was fine. Then Friday night he was eating dinner and I saw him stop and put his hand on his heart. I said was he having palpitations and he said yes, but played it down. I said I was ring the gp first thing Monday.

Saturday night he told me that he'd felt 'weird' that morning - he really couldn't describe what he'd felt but he knew it was in his chest and his left shoulder ached too. Obviously alarm bells were ringing by this point for me and I did shout at him for not telling me so we could've got him checked out ASAP. He'd just taken himself off to work.

He does get a lot of indigestion. He smokes and drinks. He also has a very stressful, manual job working 60+ hours a week. He is 35.

I've got him an appt tomorrow evening with gp but I'm just so scared. He isn't.

Can't you get him seen by somebody today - tell them it's urgent & if the don't see him you'll take him to primary care (out of hours GP which your GP's will be charged for).

Phone NHS direct for advice, I'm sure they will tell you to go to casualty immediately. They take potential heart problems very seriously indeed

Theres no way I'll get him to go to A&E today as he says he feels fine. Dr can't see him today as no appointments free, DH would need to ring and speak to dr himself if it's urgent - again, DH won't do that as he'll say tomorrow will be fine to wait until..in fact, DH told me to make the appt for The end of the week but there was no way I was going to let it drag out until then.

He's a nightmare, self employed so won't take any time off unless it's absolutely necessary and unfortunately in his opinion, his health just isnt important enough :(

I've spent years trying to get him to take his wellbeing seriously but to no avail. I just keep thinking how stupid he was to just drive off to work Saturday morning - what if he'd had a heart attack on the way in? And I'm terrified that something like that will happen before he gets seen by the dr. Just hope they take him seriously and that he doesn't play it down.

Poor you - totally understand your frustration and worry. Hope your DH sees sense.

DH's appt is at 6pm tonight. He didn't feel right at all last night, was ok whilst sat down watching tv but when he got up the palpitations started again. Just spoken to him and he said its been the same all morning so I'm so relieved he is being seen tonight.

Ended up crying in bed last night, have a cold so luckily DH thought I was just sniffing. If he knew how scared I am then he'd hide it even more from me.

Well at least he is going soon. Hope your GP is good and gets to the bottom of things. My DH is diabetic and we have had some right dos over the years as he will only see his gp when he is on the verge of collapsing. So scary though and you feel so helpless. They have to take responsibility for themselves.

Hope all goes well with your DH. Let us know what the Dr said.

TBH OhThis, it could be that now is the time for a little emotional blackmail. If he sees how worried and upset you are, maybe he'll take it more seriously. The truth is that he's probably scared himself. Hope the appointment goes well, and that the GP can sort him out.

So glad he has the appointment, hope it goes well

Would you be able to speak to the GP, prior to your DH seeing him/ her just to make sure your DH doesn't play down or not mention any syptoms? Better still go with him - though suspect your Dh won't let you.

Hope it all goes ok but in your shoes I'd be worried sick too.

I would be furious if my OH was being so casual about it. Perhaps he is scared.
A friend's BIL recently died of a heart attack after a couple of weeks of symptoms he didn't get checked out. My friend had to tell his niece and nephews they weren't going to see their father again. It's been horrendous. He was 45.
Tell him to stop being so bloody cavalier about his health, you and your family need him/love him. Heart disease is a killer, he is high risk and must start taking it seriously.
Hope the app goes ok and it's all a false alarm.

Good luck on the appointment. Hope all is well

IME (which goes as far as 3 men so not conclusive at all) the men always have played down their symptoms.

OP just to calm you down a little palpitations are often benign.

I have them.

I also have a heart condition.

According to my cardiologist the 2 are unrelated.

I have an echo scan every year. Every year he tells me the heart is stronger than most people think.

I'm not telling you it's nothing. I am telling you dont automatically think the worst.

Hand holding btw

good luck with appt

He knows I'm worried, he knows that it plays on my mind that the other 2 men in his family both went off to work on a Monday morning and never returned. He had to tell his 4 nieces and nephews that their father had died.

He has promised me that he wil tell the dr everything, I'd love to come with him but our youngest 2 are only 2 & 4 and they'd be a nightmare to take. Only babysitter is MIL and neither of us want her to know at the moment as she worries enough about DH as he is her only surviving child.

Will update later, thanks for the support, it's very much appreciated.

Just popping on to update. DH saw the nurse (it was a nurse-led clinic where they refer to dr if necessary - I assumed they'd pass him straight to dr tbh), she did an ECG which she took through to show the dr. All fine although she did say if he'd had palpitations whilst it was being done then the result may have been different. Typical that he's had them all day except when he was in there.

It then occurred to me that he doesn't get them when he is lying down and guess what? Yes, the ECG was done with him lying down. Apparently it didn't occur to DH to mention that part

So now I don't know what to think. Nurse said it could be down to lifestyle, they know the family history and don't seem concerned. I know DH is getting pissed off with feeling like this which is a good thing as he'll be more inclined to do something about it. He asked if it continues then should he go back and the nurse said yes. Blood pressure fine btw.

I'm hoping it will just pass but if he has to go back then I'll be going with him. He feels that the surgery have done all they can for the time being and he's probably right, I just want someone to give him a full heart MOT but I guess that's unrealistic.

Can I recommend that the next time he has them that you go straight to a and e as they will be able to do an ECG while it's happening or even dial 999 if he s feeling unwell while they are happening. I had to do this and the paramedics hooked up the ECG at my house. I was then able to take the print out to the cardiologist.

I would also make an appointment to see the dr and push for a referral to a cardiologist

Oh OP, how terrifying for you. Another one here who suffers from palpitations with no discernible cause though also agreeing that they may or may not be something to worry about.

What they could do is fit him with a 24 hour ECG if it carries on happening, whereby he goes about his daily routine and the monitor records his heart activity for a longer period of time. Iyswim.

Is he careful with his diet and does he smoke?

My father suffered his first heart attack at 51, his second fatal 1 at 59- when I think about it the warning signs of ischaemic heart disease were there much earlier.

Sorry I don't want to worry you :(

Insist on a 24 hr ECG!

Thank you all so much. 24hr ECG sounds perfect, would gp be able to arrange that or would he need a hospital referral first?

He smokes, he drinks. He eats well when he eats but admits he doesn't eat regularly enough. He skips breakfast, often misses lunch and eats a huge dinner at around 7pm as he's starving of course by then. He is trying to make time to eat during the day as he's suffered a lot of acid indigestion recently although that seems to be a lot better over the past couple of weeks. He drinks gallons of tea a day too so I think it's a case of alcohol+smoking+not eating properly=heart issues in his eyes and possibly the dr's too. Easy enough to remedy if that's all it is, hopefully.

I think a gp can give a 24 monitor or they can refer you for a 7 day monitor.

Yes you can be referred by GP they then track what your husband is feeling as he has to keep a diary and compare to the ECG results.

In my opinion your DH has not had the correct work up for someone with his symptoms/family history/lifestyle. He is a walking time bomb.

He needs an URGENT GP appointment resulting in an urgent cardiology appointment. Family history alone is very scary.

One-off ECG's are pointless unless performed in an emergency situation or for continuous irregularities in rhythm.

Does your DH know he is literally shortening his life by decades by his terrible life-style combined with family history?

Sorry to be so blunt be he needs to do something himself about his smoking, drinking, diet and stress otherwise he IS going to die young or live with chronic illness from a young age.