How do people manage to drink responsibly?

[ohcluttergotme]

Hi, I seem to have no resolve when it comes to going on nights out and always end up wakening up next morning regretting something about the night. I only drink if having people round or going ouy so can go weeks without having a drink but then when I go out all my resolve with trying to be good goes out the window with the first drink. I do enjoy myself at the time and people always seem to ask me to go out and really encourage me if I come up with excuses for not going or not drinking. But then the next day I feel like the worst mum to my dc & it takes roughly 2 days to feel ok again.
I feel that a) I need to drink more on a regular basis so my body gets more used to alcohol, and the hangovers not so bad but know this is a bad solution so b) feel I need to learn to calm down and drink responsibly!
Wine is my demon and no matter how hard I try not to drink too much I always do and then end up too drunk and suffer for days.
Help, help, help! On many a hangover I have been tempted to join AA but not sure if this is the answer as I'm not an alcoholic (just a regular binge drinker!)

I just slow down when I start to feel tipsy, space drinks out with a soft drink or two (unless I'm drinking beer then just not gulping as fast is fine!) I aim to stay there on the edge of tipsy rather than be paralytic.

If you're binge drinking that's a problem with alcohol. If I'm drinking over a long period of time ie a wedding then I space them out with water in between. On a night out I slow down when I feel myself getting tipsy and stop if I feel too drunk. I drink water when I get home.
You don't need to drink more regularly that's a silly idea, you just need to limit yourself on a night out. You don't need to be paralytic to have fun. Oh and I don't drink wine on a night out as I get drunk very quickly on it. I stick to vodka and will have a glass of wine with dinner if I fancy it.

The problem with alcohol is that it is much harder to refuse the third drink that the first, if you see what I mean. Progressively it gets harder to notice that you should stop / pace yourself.

I applaud you for your willingness to 'think outside the box' and suggest drinking MORE is the solution It probably isn't, though.

It sounds like wine is your particular downfall - it was mine too (I'm in recovery now - I'm not trying to suggest you should be as well, just want to make clear where I'm coming from). How about on your next night out you avoid wine in favour of, say, G&T or even beer? I would lay odds you will find it harder to get to your drunk point that way, partly because of bubbliness, partly (in the case of beer) because of the volume of liquid involved, and partly because of taste.

The other way to do it might be literally just go out and have one. And after that switch to soft drinks. That way your guard won't be lowered and there's no chance of any hangover.

Btw if 'people' really are really encouraging you to drink when you come up with excuses not to, 'people' need to be told to back off.

It sounds like your friends aren't being very supportive of you drinking less, which is a common problem. Can you try talking to them individually outside the concept of a Night Out about wanting to cut down and asking them to not encourage you to drink more? When you're all together, is the focus on the drinking/getting drunk or is the conversation about other things? I've noticed some groups of friends are all about how much can you drink, are you drunk yet, oh I was so drunk etc. This makes it hard to not drink.

As people have said spacing it out is the best thing. Doesn't have to be boring, you can get non-alcoholic cocktails and everything now. And at home you can buy Soft Brews, Schloer, non-alcoholic wine etc. If you're getting bottles of wine as a group maybe get a jug of water or juice on the table as well so you can alternative, at least one glass of soft between each alcoholic and drink slowly.

Do you feel like it's all or nothing, like once you've started you might as well carry on? You could try setting a time you would drink to and then just have soft drinks after that. Do you feel like you need the drink to socialise? This is a common thing.

If this issue is having an impact on your life and possibly your family's, why don't you seek some help?
I grew up watching my parents heavy drinking
It will stay with me forever. I hate seeing men really drunk now.
I like to have a drink when I go out. But I don't get rolling drunk. I would also never let my kids see me drink to excess. I'm not being self righteous about it. I just don't want my kids to see it.
Drinking usually affects more than the drinker

Thanks for comments, all really helpful and all make sense trouble is when I've had one all good thought and sense diminishes. Agree lubeybooby that I should slow down and pace and have tried to do this when out but then once I'm tipsy I seem to then drink faster rather than slower iyswim?

URMyDinosaur I am much the same with wine and am actually pretty tipsy after one glass but then it's like I'm addicted and have to have another..then another when really shouldn't have more than one. I did go out a couple of weeks ago and resolved to stay off wine and managed and had a good night without getting so drunk but was still drunk and had a cocktail of drinks including shots tribpot (good luck with you rehab) would definitely, definitely agree that wine is my downfall, it gets me so drubk, have tried many times to not drink wine and sometimes I can manage other times not. My dm has same issues with wine and I can see she shouldn't drink it which for a while was enough of a deterrent for me not to drink it but my dm actually encourages me to drink wine with her behind df and dh's backs...sometimes I feel doomed to have a drink. My whole family drink and any social gathering, birthdays (children's 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc) christenings, funerals, weddings all involve lot's of drinking and if I say nope I'm bringing car dm will say I'll pay your taxi so I can drink. Talyra sometimes friends ok but when they come round there's always lot's of drinking going on but not all about drinking lot's of big chats and laughs but a couple of friends don't have children and other friends they're children are grown up so they don't need to be up at silly o'clock next day when very demanding toddler. Agree that it does feel all or nothing and that is something I have regularly said about myself before that I can't do one drink I'm all or nothing And do feel when at social events a real urge to have a drink. Also on saturday night I bought some low alcohol cocktails to go with meal I made for friends then when that was nearly finished we went to shops 2 mins away and bought some wine as my good intentions of not drinking wine were gone
Ihatethecold Maybe your right and I should seek help, I've tried so many things on my own and ways to cut down, stop, pace myself but nothing seems to work once I've had a drink. My parents are also heavy drinkers and I would consider them functioning alcoholics, seeing the way they have a few drinks every night after work has made me completely not have a drink unless socialising but maybe I'm just as bad as I binge? My Grandfather was a n alcoholic and I can see my dm going down same path which scares me that I could too. I try not to let dc see me under the influence but as we always drink at family events my dd has and has said to me she doesn't like seeing me like that

Phew that was a long reply! Is making me think I definitely need to seek some help!!

Sounds like your mum does have a problem to be honest, ohcluttergotme. The question is how you avoid enabling her.

Because you're only an occasional drinker, it won't help you to count your units as you're probably (on average) under the weekly amount. However, if you count how many you're drinking in one session you may scare yourself.

The other thing you might find useful is to deliberately have a month off drinking (this should be a month in which drinking opportunities will be present). My brother always does this in January. It might help you to start being able to justify socially the fact you aren't drinking.

Btw in terms of your response to the low alcohol cocktails, it may have been more the triggers of good food and good company than anything else. Cutting out booze for a month will help you to see what triggers you off - for me being in a restaurant and not drinking wine (whilst I do it and will always do it now) is one of the things I miss most. But mostly the triggers are habit and can be worked on once you're conscious of them.

Thanks tribpot think it's a really good idea to have a whole month off no alcohol & agree that would be easier to justify when out, definitely going to try this. Also going to try & give up wine completely as it doesn't do me any favours.