hoops great questions:
there are different muscles with different functions in bladder control which have different uses in continence management. you have neatly described the difference between stress incontinence (muscles too weak to support the neck of the bladder) and urinary frequency (gotta go, always going, peeing every half an hour)
So, the "hold" is for when you are bursting for the loo, but there isn't one. Think of when the "seatbelts on" sign goes on in a plane. You just have to hold it in. After a wee while of "holding" the urge to pee will pass, and you'll get another few minutes before having to do the jiggy leg, wriggly dance.
10 secs is roughly how long it takes for the sensation of INEEDTOPEE to pass. To be honest, there's not much proper research to back that up, just years of it working. There is a bit of work that says you should hold it for as long as you can, until the muscle fatigues - but the problem with that is you can't FEEL the contraction for very long.
So, hold for as long as you think you can feel the contraction. Let go. You should feel a "drop" No drop, you've lost the contraction because the muscle's too weak to sustain it for that long. Do it again. but for half the time - got the drop? Do that, keep working on it, add in time, you'll get to 10 secs, usually you'll notice a difference within a week or two.
The other thing - should I wait? is Interesting.
Yes, is the short answer.
Imagine your bladder is a balloon with a layer of muscle on the inside. As the bladder balloon fills with urine it stretches and gets bigger. The muscle on the inside also stretches. When the muscle reaches it's "I'm really stretched" setting, it' triggers a nerve impulse to your brain which tells you "you need a pee"
Now. People who have accidents get worried about it happening again. So, they go to the loo at the first urge.
Which is logical, but not helpful in the long run. Emptying your bladder before it is full means the muscle is never stretched as much as it can be. That means the "trigger point" is re-set to a point where your bladder has a lower volume than before your accident. So, you feel like you have to go more often. And you are already worried about disgracing yourself...so you go.
There are people who pee every 10 minutes. Loads of em. They can't hold down jobs, they can't go out, they can't go shopping, they can't socialise - these are the people who become continence cripples. Bloody awful. It's also fixable...
Keep a bladder diary - keep a note of when you pee, how often you pee, and how much you drink for a week or so. Then you'll know exactly what you need to change.
When you feel you need to go - do 10 fast twitches. Ignore it, distract yourself. See if you can wait another three minutes before actually going to the loo.
It's just a muscle like any other - keeping adding a couple of minutes, or a couple of seconds will make it change within a couple of weeks.
Your husband is AWESOME! In 20 years I have never, ever met a man who would volunteer that he thinks he's got a problem.
Men's pelvic floors work in exactly the same way. They have fewer problems because their pelvis is smaller(so the mechanics are different) have less trauma to their muscles (because they don't need to do pregnancy and birth) and they dont' tend to have women's anxiety about peeing because they can pee standing up and aren't tied to needing to find a toilet.
Howevah. Their basket of muscles holding up all their guts ages in the same way as ours (stretches as we get older) and they have the added problem of the prostate gland.
If the gland is enlarged, it's weighing on their pelvic floor and interfering with the way urine flows out.
Men who experience dribbling after they stop peeing (not just one wee drip because they are too lazy to wipe it away. More than that, often in two or three sets AFTER they feel like the pee is finished They do a lot of weeing on the floor) farting when they run or a loss of stiffy stand-uppi-ness might have a weak pelvic floor.
They can strengthen it in exactly the same way as we do - but they have even fewer cues to tell them they are doing a contraction. If he imagines he's trying not to fart, that's the muscle working.
If he's not sure, the most straightforward way of checking is for him to stick a finger up his bum (or, find a willing volunteer), imagine he's trying not to fart, and see whether there is any tightening round the finger.
Or, the more amusing version - get him to see whether he can twitch his stiffy. So, he has an erection (see willing volunteer mentioned above) and he should be able to make it move backwards and forwards - in time to the beat of whatever your favourite sexytime music is.
Try not to laugh. Menfolk's don't like to have thier willies laughed at.
If the muscle is weak, there might not be much twitch. So, stick a tissue on the top, or tie a ribbon round it - something that will act as a visual cue to show the movement.
Yes, really, really, try not to laugh. Unless he is, because he's going to look pretty stupid now.
10 twitches, hold for a count of 10, lift to the 3rd floor.
It's way more difficult to get men to comply - can you see why? Usually telling them they'll get a hard on like when they were 18 is a good motivator...
However, it's a Friday. Get a bottle of wine, a nice meal, a lovely wee chiffon scarf and get some objective measurements of each other's pelvic floor.
You are welcome.