Help! What to do with decaying baby teeth?

[MrsMaple]

I need some advice please. DS2 (6) has seven cavities, three of which have been filled but the remaining four require, according to the dentist, more complicated work, including taking out the nerve, having crowns etc. Am faced with this option - extensive, unpleasant etc etc) - or taking him off for a general anaesthetic and having those four teeth extracted.
Have, obviously, been prostrate with guilt under the severe accusatory eye of the dentist, and have pointed out to him, somewhat pathetically that DS1 and DD have same diet and lovely, perfect teeth without a cavity in sight.
Has anyone had similiar experiences, and what did they do?

Hi Mrsmaple, similar situation here. Was told by dentist that ds (8) needed 4 teeth taken out - so we were referred to local hospital to have them done with either a bit of gas or general anaesthetic. When we went to see dentist at hospital he had a completely different view on removing them to our own dentist. He said that as they are not causing him any pain(which none of them are at all) it would probably be preferable to leave them be in order to hold the space for next teeth to come through. My dentist had said there was chance new teeth underneath could be damaged but at hospital he said they would hurt a long time before they did this. He said new teeth will be through soon anyway so suggested we leave them there and only remove them if they start hurting him. I went along with this as i really didn't want to put him through 4 extracted. But now i wonder if i did right thing - don't want him to have toothache either. Got an appointment next month with our dentist again so i don't know what she'll say when i completely ignored her advice!
God the guilt and difficult decisions you have to make as a parent!

3 factors affect teeth,
(1) diet
(2) oral hygiene
(3) Genetics

Even with the same diet and similar genetics siblings can have very different teeth. My teeth are exceptionally strong my sisters not.

It is still worth evaluating the diet to check for hidden sugars (tomato sauce EG in tinned sphagetti, baked beans etc - check labels carefully to see if and where in the list of ingredients sugar comes), also fruit has natural sugars/ citrus fruit is acidic etc etc these will all add to decay problems. Montior their brushing closely (at 6 they still need help as their manual dexterity isn't sufficient), consider using disclosing tablets to check they are clean after brushing.

It is difficult to say what the best course of treatment would be regarding the cavities without seeing your child. FWIW I think the feeling that the dentist is having a go is more to do with the (totally understandable) feeling of guilt that you have let your child down rather than the fact that they see you as a bad parent. HTH

Chicagomum - yes, you're right, wracked with guilt. Take consolation that these are DS2's milk teeth and therefore alerted to the fact that we clearly need to be super-vigilant about his adult teeth when they come through.
Justmummy, thank you for telling me about this. Truth is that his teeth do give him pain from time to time, but not too bad. My dentist thought it a very bad policy to leave them, because he thought they'd get abcesses if left alone, to rot.
Perhaps ought to get a second opinion from the hospital? DS2 never chewed, still doesn't much - would like to be a vegetarian to avoid meat - and i'm half-convinced decay a result of all that food just sitting there next to his teeth, being sucked!
His molars are bad, and I don't think they fall out for ages do they?
Ho hum. Can't work out what to do. Probably shouldn't be too scared by prospect of general. . .