MIL finally diagnosed with MS, anyone have any experience?

[TeamGlaikitBritain]

My MIL is 60 and after many years of to-ing and fro-ing finally has a diagnosis of MS.

She was told 6 years ago it was lupus, then another consultant said it wasn't lupus and said MS, then another said it was neither and her problems were due to her heavy drinking during DHs teenage years. Which she accepted.

Now she has categorically been told it is definitely MS now.

She lives with SIL who I tend to avoid as we're don't really see eye to eye on things, and the only thing she was interested in after the diagnosis was whether she was entitled to DLA as she had a mobility car for FIL before he died last year of bowel cancer and wants another one.

MIL is what I would describe as a poor soul, she is a hermit, never leaves the flat, is socially awkward. Add to that her poor health and she really doesnt have much going for her.

Because sil goes to mils appointments she holds all the information and is rather good at making us beg for an update. DH would go with mil but we live 150 miles away.

All I know abut ms is what I can find on Dr Google. Are there any support groups we could get involved with? I think MIL would benefit from some sort of visiting service/lunch club as she is alone all day while sil is at work. The only problem being she is in a second floor flat and really struggles with the stairs for getting out.

If we were nearer I would make the effort to go see her with ds during the day when I'm not at work, but it really isn't practical.

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble, I'm not sure what I'm asking really. We just feel a little adrift!

Bump

I would imagine that the GP is the place for information.Not sure if you would be able to speak to him,or your DH,but the surgery may have some useful information?
Dont know really,am partly bumping this for you.

Has she had any involement from adult SS services?

She can have an assessment and even if they cannot provide anything directly, they would sign post her to charities/support in her area.

I am surprised that the hospital hasn't done this.

This may be already happening and your SIL, isn't being forthcoming.

Thank you. I know that she has had an occupational therapy assessment a while back due to her mobility issues and they got some things in to help her, seat for the bath, rails at the toilet etc.

Dh has been trying to call sil all week but she is ignoring the calls then texting to ask what he wanted! She is a whole other thread on here :)

He spoke to mil, and tbh it went as expected, she doesnt know what's happening but she's "fine" which is the default answer for DHs family, even if they had a leg hanging off and had be diagnosed with rabies they'd be "fine".

I can just feel sil is waiting to pull the martyr card again, like she did when fil was ill. I just want to be prepared for what we can do froma distance.

I don't think that you can prepare, tbh, because you don't know how things willgo and don't know, what, if anything will be asked of you.

Even when a major illness strikes someone whois very close to you and you see daily, you hav eto go with the flow.

Things can change and take unexpected turns at any time, it is going to be ten times harder for you and your DH because of the family dynamics.

I would deal with my own feeings (you and DH) around the way the relationship is with his Mother and any left over issues from the past.

The main MS society can tell you about local support on offer, but the support needed by your DH may not just be around his Mothers MS, perhaps?

SIL's gother reasons for behaving the way that she does and all you can do is be a listening ear for your DH.

Thank you birds, you make a lot of sense. I'm one of these people who needs to prepare for worst case scenario and if that doesn't happen then it's a bonus.

I also try to make DHs family fit with the dynamic of my family, which is a mistake.