Am I an alcoholic?

[ShipMate]

I don't know if I have a problem with alcohol, or just "like a drink" a bit too much.

I'm early-thirties now, but throughout my late teens and twenties I drank almost every day, very often to a drunken stupor (to the point of ending-up in a police cell after going unconscious in a taxi; acting like an idiot and countless one-night stands).

I always drank in a social situation and never alone. I've never drunk at home either. I had a reputation amongst friends and workmates as a boozer. It was often made a joke of.

I now have an 2.5 month old. Didn't touch a drop while pregnant or breastfeeding. Since being back on the booze I've gone back to bingeing. Infrequent drinking and again, always in a social situation, but there's a joke with my friends now that a night out with me will be "messy". I'm not pleased about this, obivously!

I just don't seem to be able to control myself. Once I start, I want to drink myself into oblivion.

I'm happiest in the pub, with others getting drunk.

Am I an alcoholic? Should I seek help?

Anyone?

The 'not being able to stop' thing resonates with me (I'm in recovery now after many years of heavy drinking). I think you've been able to compartmentalise your behaviour particularly in favour of those situations which you think mean you aren't an alcoholic (e.g. alcoholics drink alone = I drink in the pub = I am not an alcoholic).

I'm not sure it terribly matters what name you put on it, the question is do you have a problem with alcohol. I think the answer you know yourself is that you do. You can't enjoy it in moderation, which effectively means you can't enjoy it at all, in the sense of gaining pleasure from it that is (basically) harmless.

I would have a read of this book and see what you think. I'm guessing opportunities for going out and getting leathered are fairly limited at the moment anyway so you don't need to make any 'big' decisions yet, just avoid booze for a while. Do some reading, do some thinking, stay sober and take it easy. There's a lot of support on MN for problem drinkers of all kinds, you don't have to give up to be given help.

You depend on alcohol to have a good time. You cannot have a glass of wine to enjoy that wine and leave it at that. I think you have a drink issue. But not sure if you have crossed the line to be called an alcoholic.

How many times a week do you get into this state of drunkness or is less than that?

I am not really qualified to answer, but I do think it sounds as if you have a problem with alcohol.

Whether you could be an alcoholic or not is pretty irrelevant really. You don't sound as if you rely on alcohol on a regular basis, but you do in certain situations. Unfortunately, when in these situations, you can't control what you drink.

What I'm trying to say is, if you don't like yourself when you have had a drink, or you put yourself in dangerous situations, I would stop.

If you can't stop, perhaps it is time to have a chat with someone?

Good luck.

Hi, i found the people on the thread below very helpful. I dont know how to turn it into a "clicky" link. This is just one of a long line of threads offering support. There may be a new one but if you go to the last few posts on this one it will direct you if there is a new one.
I would definitely urge you to give this a try particularly if you know you want to make some changes to your drinking habits. Do please post.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1491547-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Starting-the-Summer-Filled-With-Luscious-Mocktails

Anyone who drinks to get drunk, and always gets drunk to oblivion once they start, has pretty much by definition a problem with alcohol.

However if it is infrequent and not creeping into your home life then, well. This is the drinking "style" of lots of people.

You need to keep an eye on it. If you find yourself increasing your drinking frequency, making excuses to go out for a drink, drinking at home, anything like that, then you really do have a problem.

There is often a short list of indicators that point to a problem:
If your drinking adversely affects your relationships, work, finances or health.

That's a pretty blunt measuring tool, but it's difficult to see how none of these areas are NOT being very adversely affected by your consumption. I think no-one these days tries to define an 'alcoholic' - rather that many people have a problem with their personal management of it. Which you seem to be saying very loudly you do.

Thanks all.

I think I do depend on alcohol to enjoy myself, it sometimes affects my relationships (annoying DH by puking everywhere and being ill the next day, so he has to deal with childcare alone - so embarrassing); work - called in sick several times in the past with hangovers and shouted at a boss while pissed - embarrassing again; finances - yep; health - I'm sure it has. I remember a long time ago waking up with a hangover and the whites of my eyes had a yellow tinge. The doc said it was nothing though.

It seems that I have a problem and I think the only solution would be for me to avoid alcohol, which will be a killer in social situations. It's ridiculous, but I just love drinking. I love walking into a pub; the atmosphere and even the look of the drinks. Ridiculous, I know.

You know you have a problem. That's a good sign. You're not in denial, many alcoholics are.

You need to find out why you use alcohol the way you do. Is it self medication? Are you nervous socially without it? Drinking can mask many issues.

You owe it to your new baby and yourself to seek support and find out.

I just don't seem to be able to control myself. Once I start, I want to drink myself into oblivion

IMO - not expert - yes, you are an alcoholic.

I have had some terrible times recently (and still ongoing) with a family member and alcohol and have learnt a lot about it (I stress I am still an amateur). I've been to Al-Anon and an open meeting of AA which were real eye-openers. Not all alcoholics drink every day, or drink alone. Some alcoholics can go for months without drinking.

I wouldn't wait until it got worse before doing something about it. The deeper you go the harder it will be deal with it. You may be not too far down the line that you can, with will power, control your drinking or you may need help. There is lots out there.

The Brave Babes thread looks a good place to start. Good luck

ah, OP. I'd be v concerned for you then. You're saying you have a strong emotional attachment to the drinking culture. And choosing to drink is def. an emotional decision. And alcohol will seriously fuck with your emotions and lead to enduring depressive episodes.

Yes, get intervention in your life, and read the Brave Battle Bus threads as a really useful start.

Well i think it would be worthwhile seeking help.

Do you feel like you want to stop?

The brave babes is a great thread - linked earlier. Go say hello, maybe

I think the only solution would be for me to avoid alcohol, which will be a killer in social situations.

It's actually not that bad. I've been to the pub a number of times recently although typically only for one after work (one = ginger beer!) and quite often in small groups the others are either quite happy not to drink as well, or not in the least bothered that I'm not. (I have been very open about my problem, which frankly is the only way to manage it successfully in my view). On larger nights out, I've only done a couple and on one people seemed alarmingly drunk by 6 pm (god knows how they kept going for another 5 or so hours) and on the other, it was quite mellow and enjoyable. Mostly the same group of people, as it happens.

It's possible to drink for quite a long time without it affecting your health in any obvious way. But one of the stark warnings I got from a nurse I saw when I'd been sober for a good 9 months was that women particularly can go over the edge very quickly - and there can be no way back. He'd seen a number of women come into rehab only weeks from death despite drinking considerably less than some of the male 'lifers' in rehab.

Obviously you're nowhere near that but I always used to persuade myself that I could give up later on and it wasn't affecting me yet. It bloody was. As I got iller, I drank more because in alcoholic logic, that was a good reason to. I was panicking about knowing I had to give up, and so escalating.

There have been a number of points of view on this thread; none of us are experts, even those of us who are in recovery ourselves. From my perspective, I agree with UnexpectedItem - alcoholics don't all drink every day (although I did) or drink alone (although I did).

I wouldn't get bogged down yet in whether you have to give up forever - my GP told me to give up for one year. In hindsight this was very smart; long enough to really have to face up to my problems without the overwhelming sense of dread associated with having to give up forever. Talk to some people. Breaking the silence is the key.

the only solution would be for me to avoid alcohol, which will be a killer in social situations. I've been sober 14 years and I promise you my social life is waaaay better than when I had drunken arguments and threw up over people!

Don't worry about labels or 'forever'. An old AA mantra is 'you're better off in here wondering if you're not really an alcoholic than in a pub wondering if you really an alcoholic'. Just try not drinking for a bit. If you find it hard, get support. Good luck x

Just another vote for non-drinking social life

I went to AA (and NA) over 25 years ago, and can't tell you how much more fun my life has been since then!

I recognize so much of what you posted, ShipMate, in your OP. Non-alcoholic drinkers don't tend to want to drink themselves into oblivion, or feel they can't control themselves.

Its interesting the killing social situations thing..... I really dislike socialising with people who cant stop drinking once they start. I dont think you are an alcoholic but you do have a problem with how alcohol affects you.

For some reason if I get to the edge of having too much something makes me go to the bar and order a lemonade (I dont even like it!). My psyche makes me do the right thing but I have come across lots of people who keep going. Then I ended up carrying them home while getting abuse and getting it the neck from their parents for being a bad influence!

I dont go out like I used to but I wouldnt go out with you tbh.

I agree with brettgirl - I love to have a drink but hate to socialise with people who don't know when to stop. I'm sure that if you think about it some people would rather you didn't go out with them.

I'm really worried that you want to drink yourself into oblivion. Why is that? Why is oblivion better than reality?

I do think you need help. You love your child; don't let him/her grow up with a parent who's a drunk.

Just found the new thread. Do have a look!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1525678-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-All-Going-On-A-Sober-Holiday-crosses-fingers-that-it-stays-sunny