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I'm a Regular who Needs to Vent Undercover about MY STUPID BLOODY FATHER WHO HAS A DEATHWISH

49 replies

HeReallyIsAPillock · 05/03/2006 21:46

Know one or two rl people who use mumsnet and want to keep this separate, but need to SCREAM somewhere.
My Dad (early 70's) is usually extremely active (still works full time) has been really ill since Thurs. Unable to get out of bed, except to shuffle to toilet, bouts of extreme abdominal pain and is very weak, shakes a lot if he exherts himself.
My sister rang me early yesterday to tell me he was bad (first I'd heard) - I said I would go over immediately which I did.
he was clearly very unwell, weak and in significant pain at times when he moved. We asked him to come to A&E, we then pleaded, shouted, all to no avail.
I told him I was ringing an ambulance, he said if I did he would refuse to go in it, he would be ok and would see his GP Monday (tomorrow).
I decided to ring the out of hours GP service (much to Dad's annoyance) and a GP came out. On initial discussions with Dad, he didn't seem too concerned, except that Dad had had no bowel movement for 6 days.
Doctor then said he wanted to examine Dad down below (I left room, but listened in). Doctor discovered very large swelling of Dad's left testicle and area above it, all very painful to the touch. Doctor asks how long had it been like this, Dad says a couple of years (WTF!!!!!!!!).
Doctor says he needs to go to hospital immediately in an ambulance as he suspects it may be a hernia which is strangulating his bowel, which could burst at any time.
Dad point blank refuses to go. Obviously Dr cannot force him. Dr tells me if there is any way we can get him to see sense, then call 999 immediately.
Me, my sister, my brother, my dh, my bil, all try to make him see sense.
My dh rings an ambulance anyway.
2 paramedics spent half an hour trying to persuade him to go with them - they laid it on the line ie, if the bowel bursts he would be dead in minutes.
Ambulance crew too had to admit defeat.
My sil's baby is due in a couple of days, my brother is furious with my father.
I am so angry, anxious and utterly stressed out by it all. We all are.
STUPID TOSSER

OP posts:
Twiglett · 06/03/2006 08:14

only just caught up with this and I'm shocked on your behalf

I hope you have better luck today

chapsmum · 06/03/2006 08:15

Echo beetroots thoughts, really hope he goes today.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 06/03/2006 08:27

This is awful, I hope you have more success today.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 06/03/2006 08:27

This is awful, I hope you have more success today.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 06/03/2006 08:55

How awful for you Sad He is very afraid isn't he. I hope he gets some treatment today.

HeReallyIsAPillock · 06/03/2006 15:44

Huge relief - after going and staying the night on Dad's sofa (I was so worried he might collapse and not get to the phone), he finally agreed to going to hospital in an ambulance at 10.30am this morning.

has been seen by A&E Doctor who thinks along the same lines as the on call GP. Part of his bowel has dropped into his testicle and has become infected, possibly necrotic? he's now waiting to be seen by a surgeon and have IV antibiotics.

At last he's in the right place, phew!

Thanks for all your messages, I really needed to vent, I was so frantic with worry and frustration

OP posts:
LadySherlockofLGJ · 06/03/2006 16:02

Glad he has finally seen sense. You must be very relieved.

Miaou · 06/03/2006 16:02

Whew - thanks for the update HRIAP, how incredibly worrying for you Sad. I hope that the doctors give him a stern talking to about what he has put you through and the potential damage to his health. Glad he is in the right place now.

chapsmum · 06/03/2006 16:26

thank god, how awful for you, I think you have been fantastic and by staying with him you have no doubt saved his life.

necrotic is basically what i was talking about in my last long post.

I really hope you and your dad get the best outcome possible from this terrible situation.

Blu · 06/03/2006 16:30

Well done HRIAP.

Can they have a look at his brain while he's in there??

I hope he makes a good and speedy recovery.

wilbur · 06/03/2006 16:37

Just seen this - thank goodness he's agreed to go to hospital. Hope everything goes well.

SleepyJess · 06/03/2006 16:39

Crikey..I thought MY dad was hard to handle!! Please keep us updaded HRIAP. It sounds awful.

Hope you can tackle the root of the problem, re not getting medical help as well, once this medical problem is in hand. Maybe you could talk to someone while he is in, re: counselling or something?

Hope he is ok..

SJ x

Miaou · 06/03/2006 21:47

Update?

HappyMumof2 · 06/03/2006 21:59

I'm so glad he went in. Hope everything's ok.

CaptainDippy · 06/03/2006 22:00

WTF!!!!! Oh no, he must go - he must - What is going on now?????

beetroot · 06/03/2006 22:01

phew. keep us updated

CaptainDippy · 06/03/2006 22:02

Gosh - the post I posted last night has only just arrived here! Blush How odd!!!!? Anyway, soooooo glad he has agreed to go - I hope the anti-biotics work and that he gets better quickly - silly silly man!!

HeReallyIsAPillock · 06/03/2006 22:28

Well, thank God me, sister, brother et al can all breathe a huge sigh of relief............

He was seen by 3 Doctors in hospital, including Senior Surgical Registrar? All not sure about whether he did indeed have a strangulated bowel related to his hernia or, a bad infection in his testicle which the hernia was putting pressure on IYSWIM.

So, long wait until Surgical Consultant could come out of theatre to examine him. Consultant confirmed that the bowel hasn't dropped into scrotum, needs to get hernia fixed, but can have a scan to sort this out at a later date and strong course of antibiotics to clear the infection that he has left festering in his scrotum .

Consultant said it was only him that could make this "call" and next time he should listen to trained professionals Grin and his family as these things are very difficult to diagnose.

He's been discharged with antibiotics, back for the scan in a couple of weeks.

We have officially become the parents and he the child.

Am currently working my way through a bottle of wine to de-stress.

Thanks all for keeping me sane Smile

OP posts:
Blu · 06/03/2006 22:32

HOPEFULLY next time he will seek help before you have to become so closely aquainted with his festering testicles.
I ask you!

HeReallyIsAPillock · 06/03/2006 22:36

lol Blu, me and my sis laughed about your getting his brain examined comment - your judgement is spot on!

OP posts:
CaptainDippy · 06/03/2006 22:40

You've shown me that there is hope - my pillock of a father currently has an umblical hernia, which he refuses to get sorted - I should use your dad as an example to him. Fathers are pillocks - I became my dad's mother yeeeeears ago ..... When I was about 6 and on holiday with him on my own he got horrendeous food posioning and I have to nurse him single-handedly - even when he pooed the bed!!! Shock

MeerkatsUnite · 07/03/2006 06:43

HRIAP,

I am sincerely glad he went into hospital. Fear, shame and embarrassment can do all sorts of things to people. This is no excuse for your Dad by the way but it may well be why he acted as he did initially.

My Mum's best friend acted very much the same as your Dad initially. Despite much pleading and such from her DH and us she refused point blank to go and see the GP let alone go into hospital (she had stomach problems and thought it was cancer). She ended up in so much pain she became unconscious and was rushed into hsopital one Saturday evening.

She died the following day - of a hernia which could easily have been treated had she sought medical advice.

koolkat · 07/03/2006 07:49

HRIP - huge sympathy and glad he is being sorted.

I have a mother who has been suffering from Parkinson's for 15 odd years. For the first few years she was in total denial, so my sister and I got her to go to specialists in USA and Germany for 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc opinions.

She is now very underweight, has been in and out of hospital since Xmas, has been talking about "I know what to do when the time comes", talks about death and how we will all be better off when she isn't around, etc. She has 3 adult children (I am the youngest) and 7 grandchildren and talks like this.

Unfortunatey one of the terrible side-effects of Parkinson's is depression, which I know she has had for many years. But I have never been very good at helping her with it. She has refused on many occassions to get involved with the Parkinson's Society or see a therapist for her depression.

The worst thing for me has been watching an incredibly beautiful (she turned heads right up until a few years ago), active, intelligent woman turn into somone who can barely walk. She has aged beyond her years (only 67 now) and I can't bare the thought of losing her.

I lost my father (they were divorced) when he was only 62, and fear the worst for my mother. I have never fully recovered from the loss of my father.

What do I say to my beautiful 20 month old DS who is probably never going to be old enough to remember my parents ?

SleepyJess · 07/03/2006 09:34

HRIAP I know what you mean about being 'offically' the parent of your father. That's how it is with me and my dad. :( Sometimes, when I am chatting to him and he is not in one of his 'oh woe is me, soon I'll be six-foot-under and off to join my mother' moods I get glimpses of his old wit and sense of humour.. and I SO appreciates those moments (and he is not even suffering from dementia.. 'just' physical and mobility problems.)

I know sound whiney.. but it's hard. It's good to be able to say so here.

Glad your dad is on the mend. Don't forget to 'go there' with the issue of how things will be if there is a next time.

SJ x

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