Just found out my friend has cancer...What can I do to help?

[Myneaux]

My friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and starts the first of 6 series of chemo next week.

I would really like to do something / send her a little present to help when she starts the chemo. She has a partner and lots of family who are all looking after her and doing the practical stuff.

In my mind I thought that sending her something in the post with a nice card would prove a bit of a distraction if nothing else....flowers are a bit dull so just wondered if anyone had any personal experience of receving something that might cheer them up a bit?

many thanks

I'm so sorry that your friend is going through this.
When my mum had chemo, I went with her, as it was for a few hours, and very boring. I'd suggest getting her a good book, or some magazines to take with her. At our hossie they'd give a snack box, not sure about everywhere else. But, something to occupy her with, as it's very dull sitting there.
Maybe something like a fashion cushion to make her comfy.
The best thing you can do, is be there for her, and that's priceless

My DH has to go for fortnightly chemo at the moment and he likes to take a portable DVD player with him and works his way through films or box sets of programmes. He also takes a packed lunch as the hospital food's none too great.

However, if your friend is more of a reader/book person she might appreciate a voucher for Amazon (kindle downloads perhaps?) or maybe even a magazine subscription?

I'd say not books as I found it v.hard to read when I went through it, but DVD box sets or great films, audio books are good, nice bath soak things, magazines, scarves or nice beanies (if she's going to lose her hair), or buy her a buff (google, they're fab if your hair goes), scented candle. Someone gave me some seeds, which was sort of symbolic and life affirming. Will post more if I think of anything.

I think the best thing you can give her though is you. It's weird, but I found a lot of friends just couldn't cope with it all. So some barely contacted me, others issued platitudes, so just said 'you'll be fine' the whole time. The friends who helped me most were bluntly honest about how scary it all was, then just really there for me. I don't mean literally there, just aware of when treatment was, texting to say good luck on each chemo day/ knowing roughly when I was going to be at my lowest and just generally being thoughtful and around for me. I hugely appreciated black humour too, but I doubt that's for everyone..

Maybe see if you can occompany your friend on an appointment aswell. I went with my mum, and we just gossiped and laughed most of the time, as well as read trashy magazines, so made it as 'normal' as possible.
My mum only had one round of chemo, but she had cancer 3 times , as it kept spreading. Started with bowel cancer, then to the liver twice. It was only the 3rd time they offered chemo, but mum felt ok with the first few treatments, then was ill the last few times, so was a bit out of it.
I think for her, having family/ friends around, and being comfortable was most important.

Be prepared to let her talk and listen, no matter how many times she might repeat things. Be there for her, no matter what. Dont make promises and then break them
Try to keep things as normal as possible.

Your friend may be in shock or denial. Don't lay on the sympathy unless she is the sort of,person that likes that.

Read up so you know what she is going to deal with, but don't necessarily talk about it straight away because everyones treatment plan is individual. Her life will get tough and getting cancer makes you realise who your friends really are.

The people who have supported me most are the ones that I hadn't considered my best friends and the ones who I thought were close to me have hardly supported me at all.

Hugs to you and your friend.

breastcancernirvana.co.nz/. This is an excellent link with lots of useful tips

At Christmas Mumsnet did the Secret Santa and a lady sent me lots of items for when I was in hospital and it was fantastic - things like small bottles of lotions, creams, face mask, socks, face cloths, pen and notepads, sweets, and much much more. It was fantastic and I really appreciated it

I love the secret Santa type idea but just be a little wary of creams and things. Some people have no problems but others find creams that they'd usually love react badly on their skin when they're having chemo. I gave my DM some lovely hand cream but she had to wait a year before she could use it because on the chemo it made her skin rough and red and sore. Who'd have known?
On the other hand your friend might not have that reaction and might love it! I guess what I'm saying is be aware that your best thought out little treat might just not be the thing at the time and don't be upset, or allow her to be, if your gift misses the mark a bit. Not that it will, your love will show!

Hello Stars, how are you?

Hi Smee just sent you a message

Have messaged you back, Stars.