Frightened of what's going to happen :(

[Memoo]

I didn't know where to write this really and I'm sorry if I'm full of self pity.

I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with me. I'm waiting for an urgent MRI but ms has been suggested. To be honest it doesn't even matter what label they give it it doesn't change the fact that my body isnt working properly.

For a while I've had a variety of different neurological symptoms. Spasms, numbness, pins and needles etc.

Last weekend I suddenly felt numb on my left side. My leg, arm and side of my face were affected. My face has returned to normal and my arm isn't too bad but my leg is shot.

I'm struggling to walk, in fact I think we're going to have to get a chair for when we need to go long distances. I can't write properly either.

Excuse the swearing but I'm so fucked off! And scared things are going to get worse. I have only just started getting over a bad bout of pnd and now this. I feel like I've brought it on myself. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should do something but what? I could really do with talking to someone but all the helplines are shut :(

Weekends are the worst time, IME, to be left waiting for medical tests and worrying about their outcome. I'm really sorry you're having to go through this, especially after how hard you fought against depression. Do you want to join us on the support thread?

I'll have a look at the support thread, thank you.

I think you're right about weekends. I couldn't get out of the bath this morning. Dh had to drag me out.

Memoo that sounds awful .
Really frightening for you ,and of course you've not brought this on yourself .
You know that really don't you ?

I'm putting a link to a simple thing you can screw on to the side of the bath ( easy to take off ) in case it's any help .
Though I realise the last thing you want to do is be thinking of yourself as an old person ,so I apologise if it's more depressing than helpful ...

www.themobilitysuperstore.co.uk/search/grab%20rail?gclid=CI_u9uvl5LACFcshtAodlB5cvg

Thanks for the link. The bath rails look great, just what I need I think. This morning felt so indignified. Going to sit down with dh and work out what we need to get in order to make life a bit easier.

I do know really that I can't have brought it on myself but I just have this voice at the back of my head telling me I've done something wrong.

Well you haven't .
Really shocking bad luck .

Glad you thought the grab rail looked useful - sure you could look around for a good priced one .

Look after yourself .

Hello Memoo, your post has prompted me to reply because I know what all consuming emotion fear can be and how it can sometimes completely overpower any logic or reason or hope. I hope that you can hang on to some hope of your own, think positively and try not to panic whilst you await further tests. The physical symptoms that we suffer sometimes can triggered or exacerbated by emotional stresses or medications and even if there is a neurological or physiological cause the symptoms may be temporary or improved with treatment or medication. I hope I don't sound patronising I just wanted to try and say something that might ease the fear that is understandably gripping you; don't lose hope of improvement and healing and please don't blame yourself. I hope you can rest and sleep well tonight and that you feel just a little bit better tomorrow

Memoo I completely understand your fear and just want to send you some strength. I also want to check that you got medical advice for your numbness last weekend. When is your MRI booked for?
When you get your results and maybe a diagnosis then you can hope for medication that will make many of your symptoms a lot better. Even if it is MS it is statistically more likely to be RR so you will not feel like this for always. Have you tried the MS Society and MS people forums online - they are really good support for those who are waiting for a diagnosis, and have lots of experience helping people for whom MS isn't the diagnosis as well.

I got my diagnosis earlier this year after two relapses in a year, but since my last relapse I am back to full time study, raising two children, working part-time and for MOST of the time my limbs do as they are told. My neurologist tells me that they are many people he disposes who go for twenty years without having another relapse. Keep positive. If it is what they are indicating you still have every chance of feeling better very soon.

Diagnoses not disposes

Try to get as much rest as you can, and easier said than done, do try not to worry. If it is MS there really is a lot that can be done to help.

It's so hard to come to terms with when something like this comes out of the blue. I understand how scary this is and you feel like you are facing the unknown. From personal experience, we felt a sense of shock in the early stages before my DH's diagnosis. We felt like our world was ending, we could not believe it was happening to us.

But, a couple of years down the line and things really are OK. Yes, sometimes we have to approach things a bit differently, our lives have changed, but we just take one day at a time and enjoy life as much as we ever did.

Take care of yourself & stay as positive as you possibly can as it really does make a difference.

You may not have MS & with any luck your symptoms will soon improve, but if it is MS it is treatable and manageable, and you are not alone.