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How can I help my mum?

11 replies

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/06/2012 21:04

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. She has had a lumpectomy and removal of some of the lymph nodes, and has been waiting for the results of all this today.

She's now been told that they have to do another lumpectomy, remove more lymph nodes, and that this will be followed by 6 months of chemo.

I live about 200 miles away from her, but I went to see her at the weekend, and will be going back again in a few weeks. I want to be of some use. Calling her every day makes me feel useless.

Can anyone give me some advice? I don't know how to help her.

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 06/06/2012 21:05

As you can probably tell, I have no experience of this at all. It's hit me like a bit of a brick over the last few weeks, and I sound a bit detached. I'm not - I just need to focus on facts.

OP posts:
mummyinspain · 06/06/2012 21:06

Poor you and Poor Mum

Could you arrange a food delivery of lots of yummy stuff?

Also what about going and cooking up a storm and freezing it down in portions so she doesn't need to cook?

Could you get her skype so she can talk to the grandkids?

Talk to macmilian I am sure they can give much better advice than me

mummyinspain · 06/06/2012 21:07

OH, sweetie don't worry a thing, you don't sound detached just looking for something practical that may help....thats nice!

What about a cleaner, could you maybe spring to an hour a week or something?

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/06/2012 21:17

She wouldn't accept a cleaner! No way. The food is a possibility - will she have any appetite when she starts her treatment? I don't want to google.....

I think that's what she's most scared of, the chemo. Her hair, and all the rest of it.

OP posts:
mummyinspain · 06/06/2012 21:31

She will probably have an appetite for somethings,

Could you help her by buying some really nice scarves?

What about booking her a regular mani pedi? might help her feel a bit more "girly" / cheery?

I have friends that went on a Rieki training course as part of her treatment and she RAVED over it, you might be able to set one up.

mummyinspain · 06/06/2012 21:32

Oh, just thought of another one. Would she like a "glam" foto shoot before her chemo starts good picture up on the wall?

herethereeverywhere · 06/06/2012 21:50

Not sure if this is helpful but I know Toni & Guy do private sessions for people having chemotherapy. By that I mean they have a private room where they cut and style different wigs for them to try on and you can have other people with you there, they have wine and snacks etc to make it more of a pampering type thing. I think MacMillan have more information.

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/06/2012 21:54

Wow. Thanks so much, you lot. What great ideas.

I know she is intending to have some Reiki, I've recommended it, and they do it at her local hospice day-centre-type place.

Scarves is a great idea, as is the Toni & Guy thing. Although I think she'll have to get over the hair loss thing or she'll be too embarrassed. I do feel for her though, I would be gutted to lose mine, and I HATE my hair!

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NedSchneebly · 07/06/2012 08:35

I am currrently receiving treatment for breast cancer, and would second everything already suggested! Bear in mind she might have times where her appetite or sense of taste is affected once she starts the chemo, so you might need to wait and see what she fancies in terms of food. My doctor told me to eat what I fancied, cos it would make me feel better! When my taste is affected (it comes and goes, depending on where I am in my chemo cycle) I usually fancy strong tasting things e.g. Salt and vinegar crisps, as I can actually taste them.

my sister sends me hand made postcards, with positive encouraging messages on, to remind me that she is thinking of me. I have put them in a small photo album and look at them often, especially when i am having a crappy day. She also sends silly things she's cut from magazines, daft pictures, just anything to make me smile. A good friend also sends me random things in the post. I never know when or what, but they always cheer me up. She has sent me a flowery coaster, a small padded heart, a knitted flower brooch, a teddy bear and a bar of chocolate.

For me, the hair loss thing was not a big deal, but still a shock when it happens. However, once it starts to go, it goes pretty quickly, and once its gone I got used to it sooner than I thought. If she wants to use head scarves, I use Buffs, which are very comfortable, not too bulky (a problem I found with a lot of scarves I tried) and easy to wear.

You sound brilliant and I know that your mum will appreciate whatever you do for her. Facts are good, but avoid Google. There is so much out of date stuff, it doesn't give a true picture of treatments etc. Use Macmillan site, or Breast Cancer Care website. They are considered the most up to date.

Will post again when I think of anything else. Big hugs to you and your mum x x

SerendipitousHarlot · 07/06/2012 19:44

Thanks so much Ned I'm really sorry you're going through this. This is exactly the kind of thing that I need to know, there's loads of stuff that I don't want to ask her because I'm worried that she won't want to talk about it, iykwim. Big hugs to you too xx

OP posts:
NedSchneebly · 07/06/2012 22:06

Ask anything you want harlot - am happy to help! PM me if you don't want to ask it here.

Another thing I thought of is that the anticipation of chemo is massively worse than the reality. It's such a scary word and a scary idea, that I built it up in my head to be worse than it was. Yes, it's hard work and unpleasant at times, but it is manageable with the right drugs to help with the side effects. I've got my 6th and last chemo on Monday, and have had two different drug combinations, which were very different from each other in terms of how I felt and the side effects.

Will post more when I've thought of my useful stuff!

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