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Support for child of brain tumour sufferer

5 replies

notnowImreading · 06/06/2012 13:21

A pupil in my tutor group's father has a brain tumour. I have spoken to his mother, who told me that it is a grade 4 cancer. During the same phone call she told me that her husband is now home from hospital and preparing for his radio- and chemotherapy treatments.

While I don't have any real medical knowledge, I understand that grade 4 cancer of the brain is about the worst thing you can get. I believe, from what I have read, that this means that my pupil's father will die and that there may well be traumatic and frightening times ahead before he does die.

I want to be as supportive as possible to my pupil. He is in year 7, so I see him once a day. I don't know his parents well - I've only met his mother once.

I would like advice on ways to help. It was clear from my most recent conversation with my pupil's mother that she is keen to keep everything as normal as possible for the children and was being very strong and positive. I absolutely don't want to intrude on the family's way of handling such an awful thing.

So far, I have stuck to the line that my pupil can talk to me whenever he wants, but doesn't have to. I can make sure that practical things that get overlooked at home can get picked up at school, if necessary. I just don't know how else to help for the best. I get on well with my pupil, but he has not so far been the confiding type.

Any suggestions or information would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
ihearthuckabees · 06/06/2012 14:19

I had a friend who died from a brain tumour. Her daughter was given a lot of help and support from, I believe, the Macmillan cancer charity, and so it could be that your pupil is already receiving help coming to terms with what's happening. Everyone is different in how they deal with these sort of things, so I would allow your pupil to take the lead, rather than feel there are things you must do, iykwim. My friends daughter talked to her friends more than surrounding adults, I think.
You sound like a caring person, which I'm sure your pupil will realise, which will help him, even if it's just the knowledge that you are there as a stable, kind presence.

nickseasterchick · 06/06/2012 14:27

My mum died of cancer when I was 11 and the teachers at secondary school were fab absolutely amazing ....they didnt fuss over me but the extra smile and bits of encouragement went a long way,it was more after my mums death that they supported me in simple kind ways such as sewing my skirt when it split,a sneaky hot chocolate at break,little jobs keeping me out of class here and there to avoid sad things....I think id say just keep your eye on him,see if he gets upset at anytime (in assembly i simply couldnt bear a certain hymn it had been played at mums funeral so my head of year would ask me to do an errand if that song was to be sung) try and find a way to help him,keep an eye on his friends so you know who his mates are and if he falls in with the wrong lot.....also be sure colleagues know whats going on at home sometimes things dont get passed along and a simple request for homework thats not been done can be the catalyst for upset.

notnowImreading · 06/06/2012 22:10

Thanks. Your posts have confirmed roughly what I thought, but will keep thinking about it, so any more suggestions still appreciated.

OP posts:
giraffesCantFitInThePalace · 06/06/2012 22:12

Could suggest pupil talks to childline (either by phoning or by using 1-2-1 chat which is a bit like msn) - sometimes can be good to vent to someone impartial. Also childline have message boards - similar going through the same.

PeanutButterCupCake · 07/06/2012 00:04

The local hospice or McMillan are fabulous for supporting DCs through it.
If he feels unable to talk how about you make him a worry box? Some where safe that he can write down his feelings?

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