Dad admitted to hospital - booked in for bypass in 2 weeks - advice, support very much needed!

[BirdyBedtime]

I'm sitting at work at the mo in a bit of a state on the verge of tears.

Dad had an angiogram yesterday and they've found blocked arteries so he needs to have a bypass, booked in for 2 weeks. They are admitting him now though just to keep an eye on him. It's come as a bit of a shock as mum and dad have obviously kept a lot of what has been happening from me and my DSis as all we'd been told was that he'd had a few 'funny turns' and was getting a bit short of breath. I suspect that there have been considerably more symptoms than that!

I have lots of concerns - not so much about the op itself as I know it's reasonably routine, but more about how long rehab takes and how he'll manage the stairs at home (which are to get to a 1st floor flat) etc. He's reasonably active (although not fit IFSWIM) and up until a few weeks ago was still working full time (he's nearly 70).

I live over 3 hours away from them and with 2 young DCs and a DH that works odd hours visiting is not going to be easy. For those of you who've been through this when would you recommend I try to arrange to go and visit - before, the day of the op, the day after or a few days after?

Sorry your going through this.
In our hospital, they have the patients climb a flight of stairs before going home. Their in hospital about 7 days if all goes well.
He'll be in intensive care for a day or two, a high dependency unit for a day or two then the ward till he goes home.
As for when you should go, it's completely up to you. Normally the first day your dad will be kept asleep so won't be aware. However, your mum may need the support.
He will be sore afterwards but the amount of patients that have said afterwards that they didn't realise how unwell they felt till after their surgery.

(Just to clarify, i do work in cardiology but it's the medical side, not surgical, and i'm not trained but have worked there for nearly 11 years) Hope your dad gets on fine.

birdy my dad had one about 8 yrs ago and everything was fine

my dad had always been this active man...and once he had a heart attack/angina his health deteroirated so badly...he couldnt get around as much and was constantly out of breath...

couple of months after bypass he was fitter than he had been for along time...he went bk to normal work and home routine

hope your dad gets better soon and hugs xxx

Thanks Amanda.

My FIL went through this 20 years ago and DH said he was in hospital for weeks and couldn't walk up stairs for months (but DH is prone to severe exaggeration!, and FIL was very ill beforehand so I suspect he had more severe heart disease). I think you're right that he will probably only realise after surgery how bad he has been, as although he is active by that I mean on the go, working, socialising, etc, but can't actually walk for any distance before getting breathless/tired.

My DSis is much much closer and will be there on the day for support, as will my aunt and mums friends - I just wonder whether it might be better for me to go a few days later when he is out of ITU and will be more aware that I am there etc.

I'd make plans to go a few days after, but start pre-arranging possible babysitting favours with friends just in case you find you need to go unexpectedly.

Would it help to know that this is now a really routine operation? My dad, reasonably fit to start with, was fine within a couple of weeks and came off his tablets a year after the operation. He had to take it easy for a few days, I think it was about 3-4 days recuperation at home and a couple of days in hospital. He was in hospital for such a short time we didn't even get a chance to visit him, he went in one morning and was out the next evening.

He does feel a lot better, but he's also been on a very low saturated fat diet since he found out his arteries were clogging, which I think has helped him too.

oops - just noticed it was a bypass. My dad had a stent which is different.

My father in law did have a bypass and he was supposed to be in for four days, but unfortunately developed MRSA so was in for 2 weeks. He had a good recovery and is still going strong at 80-something. He hasn't gone on a low saturated fat diet (drives my father nuts!) but has decided life is too short to forego cheese, biscuits, cake and icecream.

Good idea about asking friends etc to be on standby for babysitting at short notice - one of my friends has already offered and I know several who would be willing (DCs might not be too happy about it but they'll just have to be!).

Dad doesn't have a particularly healthy lifestyle - high fat and salt diet etc and I just can't picture him at a cardiac rehab group, but DSis and I will do our best to pursuade him to think about these things.

My Dad had two bypasses, the first when he was 61 (around 1986) and the second when he was around 70. The expertise has come on sooooo much since then, but even so he lived until he was 78.

I know it's worrying - and the fact you are a way away doesn't help, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Also, before discharging him, they'll make sure that he is able to cope with access to his home etc.

Worldgonecrazy, i was wandering where you lived that your dad got home the next day! lol.

They do 2 routine bypasses a day normally where i am.

Op, if your dad is normally fit(ish) i can imagine they'll have him climbing a flight of stairs. They also have the patients walking round the ward a couple of times of day as able.

My dad had this and although the immediate aftermath was stressful the op is really amazing. Recovering from the scale of the surgery takes time of course, but the effects of bypassing the blockage are very quickly evident. The run up to the op was scary and the early days were also very tiring for the family. I found it very hard seeing him in intensive care, full of tubes and not looking like himself, and the cycle of visiting hours in the first few days was exhausting. It's very hard to say when's best to visit when you're so far away, but on the basis of my experience I'd focus on supporting your mum - the day after or a few days after would probably be more help than the day before. We found that food was a pain; nobody felt like shopping or cooking, but you really need to eat well, so lay in some good easy options and make sure your mum has easy stuff of she's going to be on her own. Good luck, I vividly remember how scary it is .

Thanks all - it's reassuring to hear your experiences.

I do worry about seeing him all hooked up to machines etc but at least we've all got the time to prepare ourselves for it - it will be hard for mum though. DH said last night "prepare to see your dad age before your eyes" which was particularly upsetting, and he did apologise after for upsetting me - he's been through it all and is a very pragmatic person who just gets on with things whereas I am an emotional wreck!

The timing is awful for so many reasons - we lost FIL just before Christmas so that's still quite raw, particularly for DH, it's mum's birthday next week and dad will be in hospital for it :( but I'm sure DSis will go and see her that day, and DD's birthday a few days after the surgery date so the weekend is full of birthday plans for her which makes visiting even more difficult! But again, I'm sure there is never a good time for something like this and we should just be grateful that he didn't have a massive heart attack and need this all in an emergency.

that so many hard things are happening at once, but really, the bypass is an amazing life saver, and can be an incredible life enhancer. It's wonderful to be able to avert a heart attack rather than have one, flippant as that may sound. I felt that my dad aged in the immediate recovery, but then shed about ten years after that and he and my mum got a whole new lease of life and started travelling more, he lost weight, and they started to seize the moment in a different way.

Is there no way you could stay with your mum for a couple of nights afterwards? You might both be glad of the mutual support that could bring, though I can see that your DC make it hard.

Veronica that is so reassuring and i can only hope that my dad experiences the same as yours did. I need to get my organised head on

I'd definitely recommend that you apply yourself to the practical questions. In some ways it's the only thing you can do, and it will really ease the stress when it hits. The hospital was quite far away in our case and it meant we were getting home quite late sometimes, hence needing easy food! I think just being with your mum at home would be great if you can manage it at all. Really best of luck to you all .

I could almost have written your post - but for a few changes. My DF had a small heart attack yesterday morning, is in hospital, has had heart problems before and had two stents fitted. We don't know what will happen this time - another stent or possibly a bypass? Just sending you and your dad good wishes. I hope he makes a full and quick recovery.

Hi juneau - sorry to hear about your DF - I hope he is OK - have you had any more news over the weekend. It's a worrying time.

My dad is bored out of his mind already after 5 days in hospital and really hoping to be taken earlier than the planned date of next Wed. He told me yesterday that they actually wanted to do the bypass last Thursday (day after angiogram) but couldn't because he had fluid on his lungs. Apparently he is looking a lot better than he was - down to resting and the multiple tablets he is now taking - and he managed to walk down to the cafe in the hospital with mum yesterday.

I've decided to go and visit on Friday - a long drive there and back in one day, but I want to see him before the op and it's the only practical arrangement when the DCs and work/DH shifts are taken into account. There is lots of support locally for mum on the day etc so I'm going to go a few days after the op at the weekend so that hopefully he'll be out of high dependency and will appreciate my being there.

My dad is bored too. He's been in since Thurs, had electro-cardiogram on Fri and was due angiogram (and possibly stent), at some point today. I'm waiting to hear if it went well and whether he can look forward to coming home either tomorrow or Weds. I haven't been able to visit yet because he's a 2+ hour drive away and logistically it's just been impossible for lots of boring reasons I won't go into, but I'm hoping to go up later this week or over the Jubilee weekend. It's so hard to sort out isn't out? All four of my siblings went to see him at the weekend, so I feel really sh*t for being the only one who hasn't been.

If he is having a bypass get him a teaddy bear - a bigish one. AAfter surgery the physios will come to get him to cough to stop him getting a chest infection. They sometimes put a towel around or get the patient to hold a pillow to their chest as it is quite sore from the op, a teady works just as well and is a remidnder that family is thinking about him.

Do practical things, re the parking phone a taxi company and ask if they will do a special rate to take your mum to hospital every day for two weeks - it will probably not work out much more than the cost of driving and parking.

\how old are your DC? Could you take them to stay at gran's to keep her company / occupied. I know it is term time but this is a better reason than a holiday to take them out of school.

Ask the hospital if they have family accomodation, some do, some don't but it is worth asking.

If you can visit before the op do, but otherwise leave it for a day or two - it is a big op and people can get tired easily afterwards, also if he is in HDU/ICU visits are often limited.

I hope it all goes well for you OP and the others on here going through something similar.

Thansk sashh.

That sounds sore! I'll see whether DD would be willing to donate her very large teddy (which incidentally her GPs gave her when she was born so has special meaning) to grandad to cuddle and keep him company.

Mum has now worked a system of driving to a local supermarket, parking there then jumping on a bus which stops right outside the hospital - it was my DSis's idea and a brilliant one at that.

Unforutnately it's just not practical to take the DCs with me to visit before but I'm going to take them the weekend after and their Uncle will look after them while DSis and I go to visit. It'll be 3 days after the op so hopefully he'll be back on the ward.

Juneau - you shouldn't feel bad for not being able to visit yet - at least he will have had lots of visitors - imagine what it must be like if your family are abroad? Hope he gets home soon.

Went through this at xmas / january. Op was one of the worst days of my life - even my mum who is a panicky nightmare at the slightest thing was in a better way than I was and I cool, calm and collected normally - we went for a meal to pass the time. Delighted to say he's great now, after a few blips in recovery. Very, very stressful though, but the odds are well on his side.

Glad to hear your dad is doing great notsomumsie. I'm not sure how I'm going to be on Wednesday at all. Mum has lots planned to keep her busy. I'll be at work so will be spending the day MNing trying to get lots done to keep my mind occupied. Work are pretty understanding though about my mind not really being on the job.

Both my parents have had heart bypasses, over ten years ago now. They're both fine now and the op transformed their lives.
My mum had her op first, my dad about 18 months later and just in that short space of time the difference in the op was phenomenal. You can hardly notice my dad's scars now in comparison to mum's.
I would say mum was much more poorly than dad was but even so, the recovery period wasn't that long.
They're quite out of it for the first couple of days which can be upsetting (for me, it was the first time I'd seen my Dad looking so poorly). A lot of this is the pain relief though so try not too let it get you too upset.
The district nurses were brilliant when they got home. As was their GP, very supportive.
The best of luck to your Dad and your family. It sounds like it's a horrendous thing to happen but, as I'm sure you'll have discovered from talking to people, it's like a whole new lease of life once they've got over their recovery.

Thanks, that is the message I am getting so looking forward to my dad being able (in 6 months or so) to kick a football around the garden with DCs, come for a walk with us etc. I'm pretty braced for what he might be like when I visit (3-days post surgery) but just have to wait and see.

My dad ended up win a triple heart bypass in 2003 whilst over in Tenerife where they went on holiday. Fine since!
Definitely contact your local branch of the British heart foundation. My dad attended a free gym session run by nurses. Got him moving and meeting others in the same boat. On the first Thursday of each month they still go to an evening meeting with snacks and a talk. Sometimes on health sometimes fun.
Would recommend BHF.

We went through a very similar experience to you in March.

DF had chest pains, was admitted and had bypass 3 days later.

Seeing him in ITU a few hours later was upsetting, partly because he was really disorientated and gesturing that he wanted the ventilator tube out. They took it out about four hours later.

He had to drink plenty to get his kidneys going again which was difficult as he didn't like what they provided so if your DF has strong preferences make sure you take some into ITU for him when you visit.

He had a few days when he was very breathless and easily tired and he was kept hooked up to monitors all the time which drove him mad because he couldn't use the bathroom.

He was discharged 5 days later and has recovered well. He has more energy and more colour in his cheeks than he's had for a long time so it was well worth it.

My DF is extremely unsociable and anti-exercise so I thought there was no way on earth that he would attend cardiac rehab. I was wrong. He was put under quite a lot of pressure to go by the rehab nurse and now he's been he can tell that it's really helping him. Maybe your DF will do the same.

I hope it all goes really well for your DF this week and that he's home and on the road to recovery really soon.