Mum of DD's friends been diagnosed with breast cancer

[TheGashlycrumbTinies]

Really hoping some of you may be able to help, I have 2 DC who are best friends with a brother and sister at their school. Just heard from their dad that their mum has early stage breast cancer.

I know the mum as we have had playdates, don't know her really well, but I want to let her know that if we can do anything to help with the children we would be more than happy. I would like to get something for her as she will be going into hospital.

They do have a good group of friends, and family close by, and I don't want to come over too heavy, but I really do want to let her know we are all here to help her, their DC, and DH.

Thanks.

You sound a sweetie- am sure she'd be very happy if you offered help -she will probably be doing a lot of too-ing and fro-ing to hospital and after surgery will probably appreciate some child minding. Sometimes friends behave oddly when there's a cancer diagnosis as it is scary and they don't know what to say/do, so if you let her know that you are offering help I'm sure she'd be very pleased. Stuff for hospital- things to read/listen to/nice treats to eat/drink/something that smells nice !

Why don't you make up one of those mock cheque book things with things like

• a sleepover for both her DC at yours one night
• a chat and a coffee whenever she wants to talk
• a couple of hours babysitting if her kids are still young enough to need a sitter
• a home cooked meal prepped for her family

Just some ideas of little things that will probably mean something but cost little apart from time

Thanks to both of you, I think the reason why I'm finding it a little difficult, is because we haven't lived here for very long, and the family has lots of well established friends. I don't want to appear pushy at a difficult time for the family, but i desperately want to help, their children are delightful. :)

It is nice to have offers of help. When DD was diagnosed with cancer, I really appreciated offers from friends and colleagues - it made us feel thought of. We didn't actually take up the meals/ironing/babysitting, but it was nice to know that they cared.

I am in a similar position to your friend, maybe slightly further along the road in as much as i've already had an op and there's a good chance that that's the end of it!

Things i have appreciated most are kind words in a positive way (not pity though as early breast cancer has an excellent prognosis) and help in picking the kids up / help in ferrying them about / having them round to play when i was a bit sore from the op

You sound lovely OP and i really don't think you'll sound at all pushy :)

I've had BC treatment too and the people who helped me were the ones who were really just let me know they were there to help and didn't get all coy or embarrassed about it. Admit it's terrifying, but temper that with you know the treatment's amazing (it is!). If she's just been diagnosed her head will be spinning and she'll have constant appointments to get through, so offering child care is a boon. A nice card would do the trick, but for god's sake don't get one that looks like a funeral card with lilies or nonsense like that. I got no end of those - I felt like putting a banner up outside the house saying 'I'm not dead yet you know' on it.

Waving to Paddy. how are you??

Thanks again to all replies :)

I am going to get her a card and send it, (but no lilies!) saying we are more than happy to help with childcare, picking up after school etc , etc.

Agree the treatment is amazing!

That sounds good. If you think it would help, tell her she's very welcome on Tamoxifen thread. There are lots of us on there who have been or are still going through treatment. There's a lot to be said for talking to women who've been through it all. Not least because you can see that there's life on the other side.

Smee, I did think of pointing her in the Tamoxifen direction, bit don't really know her well enough.

I have sent her a card today, with a lovely picture of a cake on the front, just saying we are here for her if she needs us at all.

They are a lovely family :)

Hi Smee i'm good thanks :)

Saw the breast care nurses today to get the ball rolling for the preventative surgery...get the results of the cells i had removed this Thursday!

I always feel re-assured by the women who i met whilst i was having the cells removed...they'd had fully blown breast cancer, needed chemo etc and were now through that and just having the final stages of the reconstructions done...i figured that if those women weren't an inspiration i don't know what is!! :)

Perfect BoiledEggs. What a nice thing to do. Give her time. It's a heck of a shock at first and she'll be chocca with hospital appts.

Waving to Paddy. I've done the preventative thing. All very interesting I thought. I had second mastectomy last October and now have rather amusingly pert implants in time for summer. Go for it, I say. Anything's better than cancer.

smee can go bra-less now !

boiledeggs lovely idea to send a card - she will be very touched,I know I would have been