Devastating news - any experience anyone?

[mears]

DS1's best friend had been diagnosed with cancer of the knee - age 15yrs. He will start chemotherapy before Christmas and have the tumour surgically removed once it has shrunk. How do you support families through such a terrible ordeal? Are there any books for adolescents describing chemotherapy - it's effects on the cancer and them? Anybody out there have any positive stories?

I've no experience of this, but dh had cancer 10 years ago. We found the information from BACUP to be excellent. They have a website know, google would get you there.

And dh is now 10 years symptom free

oh, mears, how awful.
try this link to the Middlesex hospital's website. for work, I met some of the people from their teenage cancer ward, they were terrific and the first unit of its kind in this country for teenagers with cancer. I hope the treatment goes well.

oh, mears, how awful.
try this link to the Middlesex hospital's website. for work, I met some of the people from their teenage cancer ward, they were terrific and the first unit of its kind in this country for teenagers with cancer. I hope the treatment goes well.

Terrible news Mears, so sorry to hear it. Would this help?

Also, here is the Bacup website. Hth.

Mears have no advice re the cancer but all I can say is just to be there for the family if they need anything.Are there other children in their family you could look after whilst the parents will be busy running up and down.
Hope everything goes well.

My step-ds's friend got leukaemia at this age, and tragically died when they were 18. I can't say anything remotely helpful really, just that as I'm sure you will have realised, your ds will probably need a lot of support too. It's such a tough time for teenage boys, they can find it very hard to express what they're feeling. My step-ds was really traumatised, understandably.

I read something the other day that moves me to tears every time I think of it. It was about another teenage boy who had chemo; when his friends came to visit him in hospital in the middle of his traetment they had all been and got their heads shaved so as not to make him feel self-conscious. I'm crying again just typing it. Not a positive story in that sense I'm afraid, but very positive in some ways.

I was 14 and my friend was 15 when she developed leukaemia. I remember my mum calling me in to tell me - she was friends with her mum. When she had her chemo. she was admitted into hospital in London and stayed there for ages. Our contact was via letters/phone calls. Most of the time was spent in isolation. After a while she started coming home for weekends/weeks etc.

She was still able to help me on my paper round occasionally and we tried to do things that we used to. This was quite important to her as she felt everyone used to stare at her or treat her with "kid gloves" and it used to wind her up.

Tragically, only 6 months after diagnosis my friend took a turn for the worse, and she passed away.

My mum was very supportive and although it should have been my friends family who needed supporting, they were very open to talk about the treatment/how it was going etc.

Thanks for the links so far. Still can't believe it

Hi mears, A friend that I had just met, found a lump and was diagnosed with breast cancer. she had 2 kids, which she chose not to tell. I looked after her kids for the whole year, that included the chemo, and radio that she had, she is at the moment in remission, has had no illness lately and if all goes well, as it has been, we will worry no more. This i think is one of the better outcomes, I found myself, talking,lending an ear, giving a shoulder to cry on, and just being there, all her friends, walked away..... probably called detachment, if you ignore something it will go away........This person has not changed, they are still the same person, but with cancer added, that can be cured, I have seen proof.....All you can do is ask what you can do for this person, if they are not in the mood, wait then ask again at a later date, ignoring someone going through this is the worse thing you can do. I hope this helps.

my best friend got cancer when she was seven. From my point of view the things that helped me were; being able to talk about it, a lot of people didn't bring up the subject in case it upset me but i really needed to mention it and thought people would think i was going on. Another thing was i went to appointments with her as she got older. One time i sat with her in physio as they pulled her to pieces. This helped as i thought i could be there for her, and i wasn't being pushed away. I didn't want her to go through it alone and it was important that we had each other to talk to about it. Not just adults. The cancer was removed (it was in her spine) and she was in a wheel chair from then on.

My brother was diagnosed with an oestocarcinoma in his rt knee at age 19. When first diagnosed they told him he might die....this progressed to possible leg amputation..above knee ...then at knee..finally he was OK, so not sure I'd believe DR. Now he is 33 and still clear though they check him every time he breaks a bone.
However he is infertile as a result of the radiotherapy...but they said he mustn't climb, ride bikes or windsurf So the typical bloke does all three!!
Good luck

I'm sorry to hear such awful news, Mears. This is another website which might help Sargent Cancer Care for Children . They have a residence at Prestwick , which I think isn't far from you?

There were several cases of cancer at my ds's school in a short space of time. One boy was discovered to have leukaemia after his biology teacher noticed he had a dodgy heart rate during an experiment. Afaik, all are now recovered and getting on with their lives. Best wishes to your ds's friend.

Mears this is such a hard subject - have you come across Lance Armstrong's book - "It's Not about the Bike " It's not children as such but it is not difficult language and it is the incredible story of Lance overcoming brain cancer and prostrate cancer (and possibly more) and his comeback to win the "Tour de France" - stronger than before his illness. It also shows his refusal to believe doctors who gave him a low survival rate - which is uplifting. I saw his second book in the shops the other day - but the original is definitely worth reading. Best wishes

hi mears
how is your son coping with the news too? it can (as I'm sure you know) be hard for boys especially to know how to behave with their friends after news like this. My brother was very seriously ill when he was 18 and most of his 'friends' disappeared except for a few - they just didn't know how to react I think. I'm sure you're doing a great job helping your son to come to terms with the news too - it's a strange thing for people that age to realise that they are not invulnerable isn't it.
we were so grateful for people just coming round for quick visits or phoning up to see how things were going, especially after the initial shock was wearing off. Some very kind people also prepared some meals for us to freeze for 'bad days' and offered practical help like lifts to/from hospital, childcare.
hth and love to all

How is everything going mears? Are you ok? I also hope your son is coping ok - it is very hard at that age isn't it. I remember a friend of mine was diagnosed with leukemia in the sixth form, and sadly he died and it is strange at that age - it's not something you expect to have to deal with is it.

Haven't really got any useful information I'm afraid - just wanted to add my support really.

Thanks for the book reference Guard. I will get it and see what it is like.
Things are moving apace now. DS's friend is in hospital getting further tests, total body scan etc to see if there are any other tumours anywhere else. He was getting a long line put in yesterday for his chemotherapy which he will get tomorrow for 3 days then he will be home for 3 weeks till the next treatment. I probably won't be able to speak to his mum/dad till the end of the week.
DS is just shell shocked at how a 15 year old can have cancer and knows that the prognosis is poor if it has spread. However, we are taking the view that cancer can be fought and we will be around to support them all. Thanks for your posts.

Suedonim - forgot to say thanks for that link - it is very close to us and I hadn't thought of it.

I thought of you when I saw this story today, Mears. I hope the scan shows nothing untoward and that he copes with the chemo.

Got the book today Guard suggested. Not too sure whether to give it to his mum or not. Is it too much?

Gave his mum the book yesterday and she seemed pleased. His chest is clear thank goodness. They got home last night after having extensive tests over the past few days. Starts his chemotherapy tonight. They are all dealing with it really well so far.