Eating disorders, getting help, where to start....

[giveitachance]

Appologies if this is in the wrong place.

I was reading a thread in chat, someone suffering with bullemia and talking about binging. It got me thinking. I'm a binger, always have been. And I don't mean an extra biscuit or 3 slices of bread instead of 2, I mean thousands upon thousands of calories. Eating till it hurts to breathe then waiting a while and eating more. Just today I've had around 7000-10000 cals, I'm not sure.

I just... I never thought it could be an eating disorder because I'm huge. Eating disorders are like when you starve yourself or purge? I was idly googling and found this and I just can't stop crying, that's me down to the ground. I plan it, I set an amount of money I can spend (today was £6, which buys several 4-packs of choc bars and a multi pack of crisps), I eat in secret, I stockpile, I eat continously with no meal times.

I'm overweight, I've spent my life being morbidly obese which I've gradually got down to overweight. Well I was last month but my eating choices over the last month has put over a stone on. BMI around 32 I think, I can't bare the scales right now. I did get to 30 which was the lowest I've ever been as an adult. Highest was over 50, I weighed over 20st as a teen, now around 12st.

My life is filled with stress. I lost my job recently, I'm a nanny so it's not so much the losing the money (although that is keeping me up at night) it's the loss of the kids. I work over 60 hours a week- I have more waking hours with these kids than their parents do. Yes there is attachment, though, professionally I keep the seperation, nanny jobs are by definition not long-term as the kids grow up but still it's so, so hard being with them now knowing that in a month or two I won't see them anymore. The youngest was born while I was there and seeing him grow from newborn over the past year.... well it's a hard job to lose.

Before this gets too rambly- I just wanted to ask, well any advice really. Should I seek councelling or something. I'm pretty much alone, I moved to the London area to work and I have a couple of friends but I rarely see people outside of working hours. My 'BF' lives abroad (we've been together-ish for 2 years since I lived abroad, we chat and see each other every few months but nothing deep), I have no DCs, no family in the area. I started a VLCD this year and lost almost 4st and have put one back on! I seemed to fall off the VLCD and into bingeing every day! I just don't know where to start. I don't know where to end. I eat constantly at work, I march round to the supermarket after work and buy all the fatty crap to shove in my face. Today I found I had no food in the house and ate a bowl of dry all bran and several dry rivita bacause I needed to eat SOMETHING.

I don't know what to do.

Hello, I have BED (Binge Eating Disorder) it does exist and when you think about it BED is similar to all other eating disorders because it is about feelings and a disordered relationship with food.

I can recommend the Eating Disorders Association and I had some counselling through them a few years ago which helped me understad things a bit more - I cannot say I am cured though.

One of the things they impressed upon me was never to go on a diet as such but rather to eat regular meals to try and displace the binging. The other thing to be aware of is trigger foods which you are more likely to bonge on - for me these are crisps and if I have a multi pack in the house I will eat them...so I try not to buy them - I am not always good at this.

I have a very disordered relationship wht refined carbs and try now to but things like wholewheat pasta which fills me up for longer.

BED is an illness which a lot of people do not realise.

Have a chat with your GP and be honest about it all - there is help out there - it isn't easy but it will help you understand it all a bit.

Just a quick question which you don't need to answer if you don't want to? Have you ever been abused - I ate as a child to cope wit my feelings about sexual abiuse and my parents acrimonious marriage breakdown - I am very aware now that I eat to bury my feelings of anxiety about things.

Thanks for the reply. i was feeling so good about this diet as it is the only thing that has ever lead to weightloss- I was house-bound at my biggest, now I can walk miles each day for work. I just don't know why suddenly I gave up and plunged back into bingeing! I think it's the stress of the jobloss but I want to break the automatic responce, stress=eat!

No, never abused, bullied as a child (occasionally physical but mainly emotional) at school. parents still together. In fact, no real physical contact anytime- I didn't ever lose my vaginity till I was 24. Never had a partner before then.

I have an interview next week and the longer I think about this, I just think I won't go. They will take one look at this blob of a person and think why would I let her care for my children? I'm thinner than I was but still so big!

I think that is your low self esteem talking there - plenty of us big women out there who do good and valuable jobs and do them very well. I think it's great that you have made some changes and are walking - this will help obviously. I have good days and bad days with food but try not to bring in the trigger foods if I can help it. The other thing my counsellor said was to just change one thing - for me that was to drink more water - a habit I have maintained. Every little achievement is still an achievement.

I can also recommend this book.

thanks for the bok recommendation, I'll check that out. I actually think I have pretty high self-esteem, in relation to what I actually offer! I don't have kids, nor can I have them, don't offer much to the world really. I sometimes think that i think too highly of myself just to get dashed down! Like I really think I can offer a lot in my job then realise how crap I am at housework etc

This charity and support groups might be able tohelp.

B-eat.

Think it might be www.b-eat.co.uk

Good luck.

Do read the site I have linked above- and maybe see your GP as well- B-eat might be able to help.

It sounds as if you may have an extreme form of comfort-emotional eating, compensating for whatever is missing in your life.

I second that you need real, professional face to face support but B-eat will be able to suggest who.

You have taken the first step to sorting it out- admitting you have a problem.

Thanks so much, I'll check site out. I'm working up the courage to see my GP- he's an older man, I don't know how the conversation will go. I've been playing it in my head! I don't know when I could do it though, I work 7-7 but I'll try. I'd like to find someone to talk it out with- I'm very much alone in my life.

Yes do check them out- there are support groups so you might find something near you where you can talk and meet other people.

Have a good read of their site- very helpful.