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Help please. re Eating Disorder (long sorry)

9 replies

soworriedaboutmyfriend · 21/04/2012 09:16

I have namechanged.

My friend has been going through a LOT of issues in her life over the last few years.

It is becoming apparent that she is suffering from some kind of eating disorder, and she is unhealthily thin.

She has always been very fit and healthy. She is very out-doorsy.

The signs we have noticed are:

Hardly eating anything (obvious one)
Cooking and baking for others, to the point of obsession
Exercising several times a day
Painfully thin

She is early 30s and single.

Now, I know her through a number of different social groups, and each time I have seen any of them, and we mention "have you seen X lately?" it is always, without fail, followed by "we are really worried about her..."

She doesn't live near any of us (the friends) and none of us really know the people she lives with/near (house share) or works with.

We want to help her, we want so much to do something for her so she can get help, but HOW do we approach it when we are not living near her for support? :(

I don't want it to look like we are ganging up on her, but another friend has suggested we sort of gather together everyone who cares about her, get ideas and suggestions from them and then one of us speaks to her in person. A kind of "look, I am worried about you, you have loads of support, can you see why we are all worried?" thing...

oh, I just don't know what to do.

Can any mumsnetters with experience of eating disorders please offer your advice as to how I can approach and support my lovely friend?

Thank you so much for reading this long post.

OP posts:
soworriedaboutmyfriend · 21/04/2012 09:44

bump

OP posts:
soworriedaboutmyfriend · 21/04/2012 14:48

bump again, anyone?

OP posts:
TheEpilator · 21/04/2012 14:56

Sorry no advice, but if there are several of you all worried about her surely you can figure this out between you? She obviously does have an issue so yes, speak to her and let her know you all care about her and see what she says.

If she won't help herself there's nothing anyone else can do, wherever you live. Hope she's ok.

MadeInChinaBaby · 21/04/2012 14:59

Hi. The main thing you need to do is support her with her other issues, as these are most likely the cause of her eating disorder. It's very difficult to know what to suggest re: the eating, as she may well become very defensive if you challenge her on it. She needs good friends around her now, to listen to her and support her through whatever problems she's having. Also, what does she love doing? Think of some activities you could do one-to-one with her and have some fun together.

BeaOnSea · 21/04/2012 15:06

Hi. I suffered with an eating disorder for over 10 years. It was very obvious to all those around me but, I will be honest, if one of my friends had confronted (probably not the best word) me, I would have just become more secretive and isolated which would have been more dangerous.

I agree that the best way to tackle this is to try and help her sort her life out. I "controlled" my eating because it was the only thing I could control in my life at the time. I didn't think I would survive- but the eating disorder disappeared once I got my life back on track.

MadeInChinaBaby · 21/04/2012 15:12

Same here, Bea.
I avoided the few people who dared challenge me.
Look out for her the best you can, but please try not to push her on this one. I know it must be hard as you obviously all really care about her, but she won't seek help until she accepts that she is ill and wants to get better.

AceOfBase · 21/04/2012 15:20

I agree with bea. As an ex sufferer it is imperative that she sorts the issues that are causing this. Let her know you are there for her but i wouldn't mention the food problem. When you are in the grip of an eating disorder the last thing you need is other people monitoring your intake. Support her through everything else first

soworriedaboutmyfriend · 22/04/2012 19:44

Thanks all for your advice, especially those who have gone through similar.

The problem is that none of us live close enough to her to be really regular support.

I will definitely heed your advice.

OP posts:
MunroMagic · 22/04/2012 19:53

Same as Bea. I withdrew from my friends when they spoke to me about my eating disorder. My mind was fairly (very!) warped and I felt they were conspiring against me to make me put on weight. I thought they were jealous of how slim I looked. I lost touch with a lot of my friends as a result.

Sorting out her other life issues may help, so planning fun things (not revolving around food) would be good. If she is outdoorsy then maybe some long walks or similar. Meeting up fairly often and generally boosting her confidence should help.

That said, if you think she is very very ill maybe you could have a word with her parents or siblings?

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