Heart problems,skin problems, Obesity, PCOS, Lazy-itis - you name it ive got it! - Please help me sort my life/health out (long and moany - sorry!)

[fatfortyandfedup]

Hi (Have namechanged to avoid the SHAME)

I am VERY overweight - 22 stone (5 ft 5in) and have been on a diet since I was 18. My weight is now affecting my health in serious ways. I need to do something about all my health issues but im so lazy tired and unmotivated.

I have 1 DC and I dont want him growing up with this big fat lump as a mother.

Everything is affected by my weight:
Heart problems - I have angina (this ia partly due to my weight & losing weight would help it)
Skin - I have really bad Psoriasis
PCOS - I had to have fertility treatment and have the most horrendously heavy periods - again partly due to my weight and would inprove if I lost weight
Lazy-itis - i am so fat and lazy! I dont shower enough. My clothes are a mess & my hair is too - i LOOK a mess because I cant be bothered - it sounds stupid when i write this but i just cant motivate myself and just feel like crying!!

Does anyone else feel the same? or have a lost lots of weight? how did you do it?

I am terrified of having a heart attack and leaving my DC without a mum and im so ashamed of my big fat ugly self that i sleep in an old pair of trousers and a tshirt - not very sexy for DH!

I dont even really know what im asking here but i have reached a point where i know something needs to be done about all my health problems but i dont know where to start.

Any comments/advice would be welcome - sorry its so long. x

Grr.. typed a reply and lost it - I shall start again..

First of all - I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. ):

Are you depressed? Maybe worth a visit to GP to have a chat. It may be also that GP can refer you for free gym sessions and/or Slimming World classes. would that help if it were 'prescribed'?

The only person that can change you is YOU. You have to want to sort these things out - like you say - for your DC if nothing else.

Hope tomorrow is better for you :)

You are right that many of these things would be helped by losing weight. Maybe this is your light bulb moment.

Once you start losing a bit of weight you'll be motivated to continue. However it's a long old haul so don't look at the mountain.

Start by going and having a pint of water and some fruit now, right now, to fill your stomach and stop you eating anything else before dinner. Then a healthy nutritious dinner, a walk if circumstances permit, a bit of a google of weight-loss stories and an early night.

Start tomorrow with more water and brown toast and see how it goes from there.

Good luck.

HAs your GP offered you any support? Seen a dietitian? Suggested safe exercises you can do?

If I were you, I'd start by walking. Walking is relatively easy and you can go as fast or slow as you can manage to start with, but with a view to going faster as you need to get your heart rate up a little bit to make it a worthy enterprise. Ambling along isn't going to work - but you need to be careful because of the angina. Perhaps get one of those monitor thingies that keeps an eye on your heartrate/ BP while you're walking.

Diet - how much do you eat? How often do you eat in a day? Do you comfort eat, do you eat much "junk", do you eat a lot of processed foods?

Sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. Your weight will affect all of those things, but your self-esteem is affecting your ability to deal with it all too.

The weight issue can be dealt with in time, but you will only want to put in the effort if you truly believe you are worth it, not just for the sake of your DS.

My clothes are a mess & my hair is too - i LOOK a mess because I cant be bothered This is the first place I would start if I were you.

I have always put off having a nice hair cut or buying new clothes "until I lose the weight". That day never comes because my self-esteem is so rubbish that I can't motivate myself. Once you see that you can look good, even with excess weight, you will start to see how much better you could look and feel if you lose some weight.

Make sure to shower every day so that you feel awake and alive. Get a lovely new haircut/colour and some clothes which make you feel your best (you know you won't look like Angelina Jolie, but you can find something which you feel better in than an old pair of trousers and a baggy t-shirt for bed.)

Even just some pretty accessories, scarves, necklaces, some nail varnish etc can make you feel like you've made the effort and your DH will notice too. Once you look better and feel like you're making an effort on your appearance, the steps you need to tackle your weight will be less of a leap.

Not sure how helpful that is, and I second visiting GP re:depression, but I firmly believe that a lot of depression is caused by circumstances and while ADs may help, changing your circumstances may do too, without any nasty side-effects.

Good luck x

OK, GP for a general checkup, and to make sure everything is being done for the angina.

Set yourself small targets (shower every day; go for a 30/10/2 minute walk each day - whatever you can manage easily plus a couple of minutes more). Treat yourself when you've managed each target for a week - a new top, a haircut, a book, a pair of earrings. NOT FOOD! Then add another target, but keep up the first one. Repeat. It does get easier, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time.

For women with PCOS, a low GI diet seems to be best - at it's very basic swap white carbs for brown carbs. More lean protein at each meal, more (non starchy) veg and salad leaves, that kind of thing. Personally I find Atkins works best for me, but everyone is different. One friend with PCOS lost loads of weight on Slimming World Green days eating bowlfuls of pasta .

It's a vicious circle - you feel fat and useless, so there's no point in doing anything to improve things, then you feel even more useless because no-one else is as pathetic as to do/not do whatever, and so it carries on. You need to be in the right mindset to change things (or be at rock bottom so you have to do something ), but once you start, you fell a bit better, and more able to do the next bit, and so on. Talk to your GP about ADs as well, if you find you really can't make that first step, they can be a very useful tool to get you off the bottom rung.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

I was wondering if you were depressed - also (and I'm sorry if I'm talking out of my backside) was wondering if you might have some sort of compulsive eating/comfort eating problem? I know PCOS makes it really hard to loose weight anyway - but maybe it's not the diets you go on that are the problem - maybe it's the way you think about food (and yourself - fat and lazy, a mess, stupid, big fat lump).

Your GP would definatly be the place to start - they have whole programes dedicated to helping people loose weght - and they should be abel to help if you are depressed. Rather than loosing weight some change in the way you feel and think about food might be the place to start with something like CBT.

I have mobility problems and I only had 2 stone to loose but it was hard work and took 18 months. Learning to stop eating when I was full was a massive step for me - and it's still a bit of a struggle now. One of the simplest mistakes people make is eating when they are thirsty and also not realising how many calories they are drinking, one of the first things I did was start carrying a bottle of water around - I started to drink instead of eat and realised when I was thirsty, even though I didn't loose any weight doing that I didn't put any on either - and being abel to maintain any weightloss you manage is really helpful in the long run.

Hi there, first a big unmumsnetty hug from me, you sound so fed up.

I agree with some of the other posters who said you need to stop thinking of yourself as a mess! Doing the little and often things will make a big difference to how you feel. Just 15 minutes a day to start with, shower, a little make up and a small but neat wardrobe, if you dont want to buy/spend alot because you want to lose weight, a good pair of shoes, a few pairs of leggings and a few long tunic tops look good on almost everyone and are comfortable and cheap.(and the leggings shrink with you)

As for your weight, I would have a target in mind and break it down to smaller 1/2 stone goals. But you will need to be careful with your angina, maybe walking would be a good start.

I was ill a couple of years ago and got to a stage where I didnt care what I looked like and felt a total mess. But gradually I started doing little things, I have 1 hour on a Sunday night to bath, de fuzz and moisturise. I do my nails and colour my hair if needed. This sets me up for the week with minimal maintenance. I feel odd now if I DONT do it!

I dont know everything about angina but have a relative with the condition - I too worry alot about her as she has young children. PCOS like you said should improve with weight loss.

Please start thinking more about yourself and putting yourself first for a while, I know its difficult with DCs but they need a fit healthy mum - when you look better you feel better and other changes will be easier to make.

Please look at your son and do it for your life with him - you dont say how old he is but you mention he's not grown up yet, I'm sure he wants his lovely mum to be around on his wedding day in years to come, and not a space where you should be. Sorry if this sounds harsh but alot of your health problems are made a whole lot worse by your weight - something you have some control over - time to take that control back.

Hope you are ok OP please keep posting

xx

Iwillbefree hit the nail on the head with the line "Please start thinking more about yourself and putting yourself first for a while, I know its difficult with DCs but they need a fit healthy mum"

We're all so good at being martyrs and putting everyone else first. My DH's motto is "after me, you come first" and I often wish I could adopt his attitude!

Your DS and DH need you to be happy and healthy to be able to look after them, so please do start to put yourself and your needs first for a while.

Walking is a great way to get active without too much stress on your body and its a great time of year to start - I find that just being outside in the fresh air for an hour (with music on so I can't start thinking about other things) makes me feel more optimistic and refreshed. If the sun shines its even better

Oh wow! Thank you all for your lovely replies - i am really really touched!

supernannyisace I think i will go to my GP to see about losing weight
LeonieDelt I have just been diagnosed with angina and although i admit i am lazy when it comes to excercise i am also now scared in case it brings on a heart attack so as suggested by some of the others i will start with walking and see how that goes
joking I have just read your post out to DH and he has just brought me a pint of water and a banana!!! Its weird how it takes someone to point out the obvious for it to somehow make sense! - Normally id be tucking in to two bags a bag of crisps so thank you!
thumbwitch - i just graze ALL day. I skip breakfast then have a sandwich, flapjack and a bag of crisps at 10am. Then another sandwich or toast with butter at 2pm, cup of tea and a mr kipling cake at 2.30pm, more crisps or chocolate at 4pm, then i have tea at 6pm which is usually pizza or pasta, oh god i cant believe how much i eat!!! - from 7pm - 10pm i have either crisps, bowl of cereal or toast (or all 3!). Blimey - writing it down here is an eye opener - no wonder im overweight!
epilator - thank you so much your advice is brilliant. i do need to put myself first & to be honest i never do. I will sort out my hair and clothes so that like IWBF says i have a neat smart wardrobe and i will make myself shower every day (i know i should and it will make me feel better)
midnight - i didnt know about a low GI diet - will google it when im done here but i have lost weight with SW before - hmmmm, am thinking i should re-join!
trickle - well done for losing weight! I do sometimes wonder if im depressed but i dont feel it all the time so then i convince myself it is just tiredness - TBH i am on that many tablets for my angina and heavy periods that i dont want to take any more if i can avoid it by changing my lifestyle. i will mention it to my GP though and see what he thinks
IWBF - i cried a bit when i read your post - it struck home so much - it was the bit about being there for DC wedding - thank you for hammering it home to me - i need something and im going to print out this thread and keep it in my bag to read yours and all the other positive, lovely, helpful comments

Hopefully it will stick and this might just be my turning point.

I will keep posting - again, many thanks to you all.

FF&FU x

How's it going FF&FU? Have you had any joy with any of the suggestions so far? Have you been to see GP yet? x