What to do about my counselling - counsellor's suggestive comment

[helpmeplease]

Sorry to wimp out and change my name. If you recognise me, I'm glad, cos you know me well enough to help.

I've been having counselling for some months now. Thought I had PND, but it turned out to be all sorts of issues that had surfaced because of becoming a mother myself.

Basically I have found out a lot of things about my relationship with my mother in particular, and everything makes a lot of sense. I feel pretty satisfied that we have found the cause of my problems.

My counsellor is not so sure and thinks that there is another, much bigger issue that I am either hiding from him, or from myself. Last session he very clumsily suggested that there was some sexual abuse in my past that I have repressed.

This blundering suggestion has made me really very very angry. I think its because I feel he has really insulted my intelligence by the suggestive questioning he used. If he thinks I was abused, why not just say it? Why make innuendo laiden comments instead?

What do you think? Anyone else experienced anything like this? Should I stop going to him?

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I agree, thank you Rhubarb for being so strong (and so much braver than me).

I am now determined to see him this week and to be very upfront about what I think of his insinuations (sp?). I appreciate the thought of asking "would my dad actually have done that?" (I think he might be hinting at my brother, actually) and I know that the anser is no.

You also reminded me of something - do you remember a high profile rape case about 15 years ago when the guy - Angus Diggle I think - assumed that cos he'd wined and dined a girl he had a right to have sex? My Mum alsways taught me exactly that, that men would feel they had a right to sex if I "led them on" in that way. So I can see me having similar responses to you, which the counsellor may have picked up as sexual abuse, but in fact come from just the way I was brought up.

Cheers Rhubarb, you are a great friend! (as is everyone who has posted here)

I agree, thank you Rhubarb for being so strong (and so much braver than me).

I am now determined to see him this week and to be very upfront about what I think of his insinuations (sp?). I appreciate the thought of asking "would my dad actually have done that?" (I think he might be hinting at my brother, actually) and I know that the anser is no.

You also reminded me of something - do you remember a high profile rape case about 15 years ago when the guy - Angus Diggle I think - assumed that cos he'd wined and dined a girl he had a right to have sex? My Mum alsways taught me exactly that, that men would feel they had a right to sex if I "led them on" in that way. So I can see me having similar responses to you, which the counsellor may have picked up as sexual abuse, but in fact come from just the way I was brought up.

Cheers Rhubarb, you are a great friend! (as is everyone who has posted here)

Hi Rhubarb - I think it was so brave of you to share your story and Im sure it has helped!! But now that it has served its purpose if you feel uncomfortable about it being left on the site you could always ask Tech to remove it ?!
Kizziex

Thank you, I hope no-one minds if I do that?

Thought I'd just update.

Went along last week and confronted him - thanks to all of you for giving me the courage!

He was all suprised - claiming he never meant anything at all by what he said. Somehow that wasn't reassuring, surely a counsellor should be aware of the meanings of their words?

Well, this week I turned up and he dumped me! He said "I feel it would suit you better to find a female therapist and I don't feel I can help you any further."

I was amazingly releaved about it. I realise that he had done me some good, but by insisting that there was more to find out, he had pushed it too far.

hmp
just picked your thread up. It's great that you have sorted this out but I am sorry that it happened in the first place.
FYI: if he's a registered counsellor, he should have a supervisor monitoring his work, and he should be registered with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, or an equivalent organisation. I know you've sorted it all out now, but if you wanted to take it further, these are the avenues you could take.
As someone who is training to be a counsellor, I feel very sorry that you've had this experience and I do hope that your next counsellor works better for you.