alcohol overindulgence

[Inky]

I've always been partial to the odd drink or two. I was practically weaned on it. None of my family are alcoholics but all drink (probably quite a lot). Always a beer or 2 with lunch (even brunch), not to mention every evening.

During my pregnancy I found it quite difficult to abstain, and almost impossible while I was breastfeeding.

Now I find I'm drinking quite a lot (on average half a bottle of wine every night). The thing that brought it to my attention was I was trying to loose weight but found it impossible to not drink. Is this just because of the strain (I am finding it quite difficult at the moment - at home full time, although I do have something to go to with the kids every day), no time off, not very helpful & very over worked dh, no family for help. Or does it sound to you like I'm a raging alckie?

I rarely wake up with a hangover but always wake up feeling shit, mainly due to a lack of sleep. I could solve both problems (ie too much booze & not enough sleep) by going to bed as soon as I put the kids down, but then I don't feel like I've had any chance to unwind, have any peace or adult conversation or any break from work.

I have no self control - I can't just watch one TV programme - I'll stare at any old rubbish all night, nor can I have just one malteseer - It has to be the whole (family pack). I can't just have 1 drink it always ends up being loads.

Any helpful & un-condemming comments/advice please.

Inky, I have very little self control either. If its in the house, I want it. So, my solution is not to have things I'm trying to steer clear of in the house. Day to day, we have the world's dullest biscuits: rich tea & digestives, which never ever call to me. I also avoid buying chocolatey things etc. Obviously, when people are coming around I buy nice things but this means I am only put in temptation's way occasionally rather than constantly.
Perhaps, you could stop buying wine for a while & then you wouldn't be tempted either.
How about setting a specific time to be in bed by too and set an alarm for 15 mins before that time so that you can potter about switching off the house for the night before having to be in bed.
Also, how about one evening watching no telly but having a long hot bath & reading a book. I often find that helps me go to sleep much better.
Good luck

Inky - I could have written your words! No, I definitely don't think you're are a raging alckie as I probably drink about the same as you, and I don't consider myself one either. I look forward to a drink in the evenings as it helps me to unwind after a busy day rushing about. My feelings on the subject are if I enjoy it and it's not harming anyone then that is ok. I also don't have any family around and a dh who works long hours, so I have hardly any time to my self like you, so a little tipple in the evenings is my treat to myself.

If you've read any of my postings on any of the dieting threads, you'll know they I also have a problem with over-indulging (especially on the food/choccy front). It's very hard for me to just eat a couple of maltesers if there is an open bag. A little trick of mine is to get a big bunch of grapes or a net of satsumas and work my way through those instead of choc. Ok, it's not quite the same, but they are still quite tasty, and have alot less calories.

Regarding alcohol, I know it does contain quite a few calories and I've also been trying to lose weight, but I enjoy my evening drink, so instead I've swapped wine for gin and low-cal tonic. Still a very nice drink, but less calories and takes longer to drink (not always though!)

I really don't think that your problem is booze or eating too much, but rather not having any time to yourself. I've just joined a gym, and although I don't especially enjoy the sporty stuff, it's really nice to just get out of the house for a while in the evenings. Could you perhaps do something like this if you could get the kids in bed early one evening, leave dh in front of the telly babysitting, and maybe go for a swim/yoga class, or something like that. If not, I really agree with Bugsy, a soak in the bath with a magazine is a good way to relax. Hope you find my comments useful!

Hi Inky
When I got pregnant I didn't get morning sickness, I got alcohol withdrawal symptoms! I managed to cut down to 5 units a week, and I breastfed for 4 months so I was hardly drinking at all for a year - a miracle for me! Now I find that I am drinking more again, usually one evening during the week and then on Fri, Sat and Sun. It doesn't help that my dh also drinks quite a bit, but he can tolerate more than me and recently I have decided to cut down what I drink.

My plan is to drink much more slowly, have one can or pint to my dh's two. Never to drink on my own, only with other people and try to stay off the booze until the weekend. What spurs me on is that if I gave up when I was pregnant, I can give up now. I did it then for the health of my child, but if anything were to happen to me because of my drinking, she would be affected. Plus how can you look after a child properly if you are drunk, suppose she were to get ill in the night? We might make the wrong decisions.

I don't want you to think I am preaching here, I am in the same boat as you. But these are the things that spur me on to give up so maybe they will work for you. Also drink lots of water inbetween drinks so that you will feel bloated and want to drink less. I will let you know how I get on if you do the same!

Inky, got to rush, so can't reply now! I, too could have written much of what you have put. If you feel alcohol is a problem in the evening, where do you - and others - stand on sharing a small joint with your parter? Not as harmful as alcohol, very relaxing so can help you wind down, and can done in moderation. Am I allowed to say that - we're are all anonymous here after all???

Inky, like the others, that could have been me writing (apart from the pregnancy bit because I couldn't stand the smell or taste of beer for the entire 9 months).

To help my weight loss plan, like ChanelNo5, I've started drinking the odd (OK nightly) G & slimline T. I've also switched most of my lagers for spritzers instead. I put an inch of white wine in a glass and top up with mineral water (a sweet-toothed friend uses slimline lemonade), it makes me feel as if it's a 'proper' drink, fills me up, doesn't give me a bad head in the morning and the scales don't seem to notice it. I guess this is my version of Lisav's advice !

The other thing I've found that helps me is to keep an eye on how many 'bad' calories I've consumed in an evening and try to offset that with exercise the following day. I'm lucky that I can put little one into a creche while I go to the gym but if you can't do similar can you make sure that some of your day is outside playing or walking with your kids ?

Finally, ever thought about sitting painting your nails in the evening - I find it almost impossible to do after a drink and you can't eat while it's drying !

I'm with everyone else here (as I'm drinking a glass of wine). Thing is I know I would lose loads of weight if I stopped drinking and again like others I can stop as I didn't drink when I was pregnant (or breastfeeding). You get into a vicious circle because you have a drink and then you get the munchies. I can be sitting here on the computer and in a blink of an eyelid I've drank half a bottle of wine. At least I can rest assured that I'm not a raging alkie (or if I am so are the rest of you!!). Sometimes I find if I want another glass of wine if I get a glass of water instead and wait a while then I end up not getting another glass of wine as I realise I didn't really want one anyway. When dh was away I found I didn't drink as much - mainly because I knew I was the one who would be getting up if ds woke in the night and woke up early the next day. Now he's home again I think I'll try the gym or something. I hate going to the gym as well mind you I usually enjoy it when I get there its just the getting to do things which is the problem.

I also have too much liking for wine... I try to swap it for grapefruit juice (or any juice) or fizzy water... (always have some in the fridge) it usually works but not always.
I an't help on the TV and weet tooth because I am like you and have no energy to change that.... isn't that terrible. I do find Mumsnet a good replacement for television though.

Hi everyone - I'm sitting here with my usual wine feeling much better (ie I don't think I need to dive for the 'phone to ring AA now) but I do need to cut down (on booze as well as rubbish food) Dh is out tonight so I've had more than usual of both - no disapproving glares to contend with.

I definitely do need more time to myself but can't see how to get it. I guess I'm feeling it more keenly as I am going to visit family in a few weeks and intend to have at least 1 child-free day. Dh is a good and interested daddy, but only as long as I'm there. He has only taken both children out fopr a couple of hours twice in their lives. I suggested he take them out for a morning on a Sat or Sunday so I could get some housework done and he laughed in my face. I am crazy about them, but I am with them all day, every day, every week etc etc. I am giving them a bad example too - sitting in a cafe and the waitress brings over a tray of beverages and dd (22 months) shouts really loudly "More beer! More beeeaaahhhhh!"

Maybe I'll try the G&T. Oh, and cut down. Tomorrow. Maybe we could have a drying-out diet thread? Seriously though, I feel much reassured I'm not the only one in this situation. Thanks for all the suggestions.

Maybe we should start a new thread here. My dh seems to be scared to spend any length of time with ds. He's got him all to himself for a whole day next week - who will be left standing?!! I asked him to take ds out for a couple of hours so I could have time on my own and he asked why I needed time on my own. I thought it was me being selfish thank God it isn't. I also get disapproving looks and I don't think I drink to excess.

Inky, you have just given me the best laugh in ages reading about your ds screaming for beer!!!
No you are definitely not an alky - it sounds pretty much the norm to me, but my weakness is chocs and I have just opened a huge box of Belgian pralines given to me by my departing boss and am feeling sick already - MUST STOP IT NOW!
Going along similar lines to painting your nails, I don't know if you are an arty crafty kind of person but I do cross stitch, which means my hands are occupied and can't reach for the choccies. What about making your own Christmas cards/table decorations, as we are coming up to that time of the year?

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Lisav and Selja both mentioned water - either filling up with or alternating alky drinks with - both really good ideas BUT it's the willpower to do it that's my problem.

Not having any in is a good idea in theory but with supermarkets opening 24 hrs...I know you can't buy it at certain times but they tend to be when most of us are asleep so no help there!

Inky, I regularly drink a WHOLE bottle in an evening and think you are very noble to only drink a half. (I don't get hangovers either but do wake up in the middle of the night and then feel rotten next day because of that - mind you I wake up when I haven't had any alcohol either so that's no incentive to stop.)

It's the first glass that does the damage - if I can resist and have fruit juice or something instead, more than once if necessary, it can get me past the point where I cave in.

I loved "more beeeeahhhh!" too. You have a comedian on your hands!

What about a public confession column - all us "alkies" have to post each day how much we had the night before (and then add it up at the end of the week?) - it might concentrate our minds a bit? (Not chocs or telly - just booze. One step at a time!)

My partner and I share a bottle of wine every night - he collects the stuff so we have loads of bottles in the house so no incentive not to tuck in every night!! We have the odd night off if one of us is unwell or something but not that often. I don't consider us alckies and find it helps us unwind at the end of the day (me being at home and him working hard and long hours). What we have started doing is having our meal in a different room to the telly and sit and actually talk to eachother until there is something on that one of us specifically wants to watch. It's so nice just to communicate with eachother but unfortunately that doesn't slow down the wine consumption in any way! What I do more now too is finish up with a cup of tea or similar before I go to bed. I feel sober when I go to bed (nearly!) and know that I always hear my daughter when she cries, am completely competent to deal with her and my only regret is usually I wish I'd gone to bed an hour earlier just to catch up on sleep.
I think we're all normal!!!

I've found, after having done 2 school runs, fed, bathed and put to bed 4 children, not only do I need a drink, but I'm also extremely thirsty. If I start on wine at that point it's fatal as I continue to drink for the rest of the evening and munch any crisps etc that are in the house. I now try to sit down with a pint of low cal squash and the paper, and by the time I've quenched my initial thirst my total longing for a drink has just about passed. In this way I've lost around 20 lbs - when I lapse on the alcohol front the weight sticks with a vengance.

Inky - I love the comment about the beer from your dd. It reminds me of something my ds (aged 5) said. Sometimes if I have a friend (and their kids) round after school, we usually open a bottle of wine. The other day I told ds one of my friends was coming over and he said, 'Oh, is she just coming over for wine?'. Kids, eh!

Me and my husband drink a bottle a night, every night and I have no qualms about it whatsoever. I only started drinking after I'd stopped breastfeeding and I find its part of a ritual now, its my time to sit and unwind.I must say though that at weekends, we can easily demolish 2 bottles. But I've never even thought of cutting down during the week. I probably have just under half a bottle a night and I love it. Mind you last night I opened a bottle and just had one glass as it was really strong. Does it make a difference in the alky stakes as to how high the alcohol content is?! Generally we get 11.5% but last nights was 13%.

I feel reassured from your postings about your amounts - I just felt alarmed that I contemplated giving up (for dieting) and felt I couldn't - ie didn't want to - like Jessi said, a ritual, habit I guess.

When someone says they love chocolate & eat too much/every day & can't stop it's more amusing than anything else, but if you say you drink too much alcohol and can't, don't want to stop, alarm bells start ringing!

Anyway, I was going to ask if anyone did want to do a shared cutting down etc but with Christams coming up - all those parties (like I go to any!) coming up...

Help!

Oh, well, there's always new year. 2002 sounds like a good number.

Don't you find though that the media are really against us women drinking? I opened The Mail on Tuesday to find a double spread on what harm alcohol does to every part of a woman's body - nice! I wouldn't feel half so guilty about drinking if I wasn't constantly reminded of what it can do to us in the long-term.
And Tigermoth, a word of warning about dope. My dh still smokes it every now and then, even though when he was a teenager he had a nervous breakdown due to it. Most people are fine smoking dope, but some people are more sensitive to its effects than others, so please don't anyone say that it NEVER does any harm, because it does. He still gets memory blanks and is so laid-back at times he's practically lying down. We have another friend who smokes it and he's going the same way, never had a job 'cause he can't be bothered to get out of bed and do anything. But compared to alcohol I guess it's less likely to make men aggressive.

I haven't had any booze since Sunday and I'm feeling all righteous! My dd is so used to going to the pub at the weekends she thinks it's her second home!

Anyway, this week I shall not touch a drop 'till Friday night. And Janh's tip of having none in does actually work, the only reason I shan't have any till Friday is that we've none in and I can't be bothered to go to the shop and buy some!

Inky, are you up for a "Shared Cutting Down" thread on Jan 1st then?
(And till then we can do what we like...???)
Anybody else...???
(Jessi, it does make a difference to the units in a bottle if the wine is stronger; on supermarket wine labels it often has the number of units per glass/bottle on the back, 10% is about 6 per bottle and 13% is about 9. Something like that. So a half-bottle a night of a 13% would be over 30 units a week, and a bottle a night...eek!)

My nephew is another one to suffer from dope, he's schizophrenic. His doctors say the tendency would have been there anyway but it was dope that brought it out.

Giving up for 2002 sounds good, maybe with support I could last out January.

Inky, I second so much of the good avice you've been given. If I want to cut down, I find fruit juice is great. It has to leave that real fruit sharpness in the mouth, though, then the thought of alcohol afterwards is not very appealing.

Also, I switch to weak lager, not wine. It takes me far longer to drink it.

Lastly, I often water down my wine or add half a pint of tonic to my gin. Might not appeal to the wine purists, but it does lessen the potency. I usually find if I've drunk a bit too much, it's because I've absent mindedly guzzled a fullish glass, while concentrating on something else, so I try to make sure my glass of whatever is not very strong.

As for smoking illegal substances, I would never go as far as to recommend an illegal act here, but thought it was worth bearing in mind in view of this discussion. After all it has some pros:

No calories (unless, like alcohol, it leads to the munchies), no hangover, no liver damage (women are particularly susceptable to this, apparently) and it tends to lead to a peaceful, relaxed state, taken in moderation, rather than to an arguably more alcohol-fueled aggressive state.

But then, as LisaV says, some people do experience paranoia when smoking in this way. Some damage to your lungs, as well, and the risk of then getting addicted to tobacco. Also a risk of abuse and dependency, as with alcohol.

You pays your money and you makes your choice, I guess.

I'm all for the cutting down thread. The New Year sounds like a good time to start. I read somewhere that if you drink when you're alone you have a problem (eek!). Don't believe in it myself. dh's father is an alcoholic and I'm certainly not like that. While he was in hospital (liver failure) there was a poster up on the wall showing all the damage alcohol can do to your body and especially the liver - it made gruesome reading I can tell you. I also go to the 'only weekend drinking' every so often - my excuse this week (isn't there always an excuse?) is that my dad is coming down for ds' 2nd birthday next week and he always stresses me out. We get on great when we speak on the phone every week but things get strained when we're in the same room. I guess if we can find something alternative to help us wind down on a night then half the battle is won. Unfortunately I can't go with the joint a night theory as it makes me violently ill. Only tried it twice and I was so sick I knew I would never touch the stuff again. Ah well time for a glass of wine cheers!

New to mumsnet and already I am discussing illegal substances - thiis as exciting as my life gets!
A word of warning about smoking dope. Not many people know this (I understand it does not come in a packet with printed instructions!) but regular dope smoking over the years can cause quite horrendous gum damage and bone loss around your teeth, eventually causing pocketing between gums and teeth, loosening and drifting of the teeth, and hastening their demise.

Well I think nearly everything has some detrimental affect - drinking to your brain cells/liver, smoking to your lungs, butter because it raises your cholesterol level, etc, etc. I think we all make our choices on what vices we have. If someone does a little bit of dope, every now and then, to unwind it's probably no worse than going to the pub, having too much to drink and inhaling cigarette smoke all night. I'm not saying we should all be doing bongs and getting out of our heads but sharing a small joint or preferably putting some in a yogurt so you don't have the bad effects of smoking, in my opinion, is not a bad thing and no I haven't done it since having my child but I wouldn't think someone was totally irresponsible for doing so.
I think we all obviously find different ways of unwinding and better to unwind than be stressed out as that can lead to all sorts.