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General health

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Original poster

I think my Dad is mentally ill (and has been for years), but not sure exactly what the illness is IYSWIM......

28 replies

Hesbarking · 31/01/2006 16:11

This will see so ludicrous, but I am not a troll - I just can't possibly post about this stuff under my usual name as it is hideously embarrassing.
My Dad has always been odd, and I struggle to understand what is wrong with him. He's always worked, still does in his late 60's, so his mental health has never prevented him from holding a job down. He's been a heavy drinker for years and I wonder if the booze has simply rotted his brain.
I could recount loads of strange things he has said, but here is the strangest.
About 4 years ago he told me that he was once abducted by aliens. They did experiments on him, and as a result he now has 2 anuses.
He will never recognise that he has problems and would never see a doctor about it.
I'm just perplexed by him. I don't see him much since my Mother died, but keep an eye on him.
I'm not sure what I'm expecting people to say, I just needed to let that out!

OP posts:

motherinferior · 31/01/2006 16:13

Given his age, could dementia be a factor, although not necessarily the only one?

moondog · 31/01/2006 16:14

Way out!
TBH not much you can do unless he agrees to assessment by psych. nurse or suchlike.

Original poster

Hesbarking · 31/01/2006 17:05

I don't think it's dementia - he's been coming up with stuff like this for years, although the alien abduction is the silliest so far.

I've distanced myself over the last few years - see him about once a month. The bottom line is I don't have to put up with it all anymore, unlike when I was a child.

I usually put it all to the back of my mind, but he had quite a serious crush injury at work recently and didn't bother going to hospital until I forced him to, when I found out what had happened a week after the event. The A&E doctor was appalled that he hadn't come in for treatment earlier and said he was lucky not to be losing his foot.

This is going to sound awful, but I really resent the fact that I have an attachment to him and care about his welfare.

OP posts:

SleepyJess · 31/01/2006 17:09

He is not by far, the only person in the world to say they have been abducted by aliens!!!! Perhaps somebody ought to check his bum out!! (Not meaning to be flippant, sorry.. I have a father who is a trial too.. although in different ways)

Does he make these strange claims directly to you? How do you respond?

Original poster

Hesbarking · 31/01/2006 17:17

Don't worry SJ re being flippant - me and my sister have laughed out heads off about the 2 anuses story (in an effort to stay sane ourselves about it).

He only seems to have told me about it (although he claims my mother knew, which is rubbish). I was a bit dumbstruck at the news and asked him if he had been drinking, but he seemed sober.

It can be so hard to maintain a persective on this stuff. He has claimed for many years that he is a Count, of royal lineage and is sworn never to reveal his real identity as he would be assassinated.

OP posts:

SleepyJess · 31/01/2006 17:26

Does he say these things with a straight face? Could it not be his idea of a joke.. you know.. to see if you will swallow it?

Trying to imagine how I would respond if my dad said something like that. I would probably laugh and treat it is a joke... not sure though.. might be worried actually..

fullmoonfiend · 31/01/2006 17:31

Does he live alone? Does he suffer from depression in any form? Does he go through 'cycles' of relative normality? I'm no expert but he does sound as though he has a mental health problem. But that doesn't mean there is nothing that can be done for him. You can talk to your GP for advice on what to do. Once he is over 65 he won't be eligible for help under most local authorities mental health policies, so may need to start looking into help now, if I were you. I can empathise with the resentment thingy - I haven't seen or spoken to my dad for 5 years but I resent the fact that I worry and think about him, though I know he doesn't think about me!

FioFio · 31/01/2006 17:31

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SleepyJess · 31/01/2006 17:43

So nobody thinks the alien claim is worth investiating then!! No xfiles fans here I take it!!

Fio2 is that YOU? Are you BACK?

FioFio · 31/01/2006 17:49

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FioFio · 31/01/2006 17:49

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charliecat · 31/01/2006 17:53

My brother is scizophrenic and its just the sort of thing he comes out with.
At the moment hes about...oh 20 stone and so fat he can barely tie his shoelaces, cant reach over the gut, but in his head hes as fit as a fiddle and hes waiting for a sign that its time for him to join the foriegn legion.
All makes perfect sense to him.

SleepyJess · 31/01/2006 18:00

Hi Fio.. most go look for phone..

And yes now Charliecat mentions it, Hesbarking, your descriptions DO sound a lot like what I have read about scizophrenia (not that I am an expert...!)

Can you have a low-grade kind I wonder, which enables you to function fairly ok on a day to day basis without treatment?

SleepyJess · 31/01/2006 18:00

Yes yes Fio but Ds's 'dimple' was not put there by aliens was it!!!

Original poster

Hesbarking · 31/01/2006 18:04

SJ - whilst it's fascinating, I don't feel inclined to ask him for proof !

He says all this stuff with a straight face and is dead serious.

He's definitely an alcoholic - I'd estimate he's on a bottle of scotch a day, although i think he struggles to keep up with it now he's older. I'm v surprised his liver hasn't packed up.

What worries me know is he can't carry on working forever - his job involves heavy manual work and he's just getting too old. I've tried to talk to him about claiming his pension, but he's done nothing about it. He wasn't born in this country, but has been here for many years and I suppose there may be problems in claiming because he cannot/will not produce a birth certificate.

He claims that his parents were shot in front of him during the war by German soldiers. This is one tale that I can believe. He shows little emotion, but one night about 15 years ago, there was a programme about a man who smuggled a lot of children out of somewhere like Poland to save them from being killed. My Mum told me that Dad was sobbing during the programme which is very out of character.

OP posts:

bobbybobbobbingalong · 31/01/2006 18:05

Yep, sounds like the sort of crap that my BIL would come out with. Except he's usually the 2nd coming or something religious. But he has a diagnosis and so nobody seems to question his odd statements. I think sometimes when he isn't having an episode he throws in a ridiculous statement because he can.

I started saying - "that's interesting, but I can't see that". But have now given up.

FioFio · 31/01/2006 18:05

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Original poster

Hesbarking · 31/01/2006 22:05

Maybe Fio - when I'm ultra fed up with him, that's what I tell myself.

OP posts:

SleepyJess · 01/02/2006 10:32

What would happen if you were to repsond with something like "oh Dad! STOP talking such a complete loads of SHIT! I'm fed up with it!"

(Not saying you should.. just wonder if you know what his response would be.. as this might give a clue as to what's going on in his mind..)

Did you ever discuss all this with your mum? (Who I am assuming isn't with you anymore..)

louise35 · 03/02/2006 17:38

I've just read your posts and I'm going to suggest something which may help. My Grandad dies of Huntingtons disease 10 years ago and had always worked until retirement at about 63. For as long as I can remember he was a very odd person who showed his child (my Mum) and his grandchildren no emotion. Things started to deteriorate when he retired and he used to come home telling my Grandma when he went for a walk in the park that there was a gang who was blackmailing him. He also started saying that my Brother was blackmailing him. It was all complete and utter crap of course but that was basically the start of his illness. Huntingtons is hereditary but as your Dad's parents died when he was young you unfortunately don't have the option of knowing whether any of his parents would have ended up with the illness and passed it to your Dad. I don't know whether this info is of any use to you but I hope that whatever it is that you get to the bottom of it and your Dad can be helped. Obviously it could be the drink thats causing it or another mental health issue. Take care, Louise.

Original poster

Hesbarking · 03/02/2006 17:49

Sleepyjess - We've told him to stop talking shite loads of times . His reaction varies depending on whether he's drunk or not. These days I just ignore it and start finding my car keys.

My Mum thought he was mad mad mad. She should have left him but didn't have the energy tbh.

Louise - interesting, and a possibility I suppose.

OP posts:

waterfalls · 03/02/2006 17:55

Does'nt Huntingtons usually skip a generation, This disease is very common in my hometown, apparently interbreeding can also trigger it.

louise35 · 03/02/2006 20:13

Waterfalls, it can't skip a generation. What happens with Huntingtons is that the child of a huntingtons sufferer has a 50% chance of getting it. So if my Mum does not develop it that means both myself and my brother will be free of it and the chain stops there. Unfortunately if my Mum does develop it I will still not know if I will get it or not due to the 50/50 odds. There is a blood test that you can have done to see if you are carrying the disease but this can cause implications for any life insurance etc that you may want to apply for. For now I am playing a waiting game to see is Mum gets it or not, if she does then I may get myself tested, if she does not develop it I can celebrate as our family will then be free of it and I don't have to worry about my daughter getting it. Hope that makes it a bit clearer as sometimes huntingtons can get a bit confusing. Louise.

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2006 20:15

Poor you. Could this be a wet brain kind of thing? I don't know much about it, just a thought.

Original poster

Hesbarking · 03/02/2006 22:09

louise - it must be a difficult situation for you, having to watch and wait as it were.

WWW, what is "wet Brain"???

OP posts:

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