My friend is having a hysterectomy - what nice things can I do?

[Thomcat]

Not an nice thing for anyone to have to go through and I wondered if you girls had some lovely ideas that I might not have thought of.

Her children are 17 and 10 and her husband will be on hand but she doesn't do doing nothing very well and she's dreading having to lay around resting!

She is a childminder and is used to being very active and busy.

She's going to be bored.
Worried about her health (she lost both parents when she was young and her mind is working overtime)
and I am thinking she might experience feelings of loss. I don't know anything about this but I can imagine there MIGHT be that emotional side to having such a procedure.

What things can I do to help make her feel a bit better?

Do you know what I think she did do cross stitch when she was pregnant with her 17 yr old.
What do I buy, do you know? Do I buy a cross stitch set, is there such a thing?

Home cooked food is a TOP idea. Yes, yes, YES! Thank you for that idea.

And yes will have the 10 yr old for sleepovers.

Thank you x

Anyone else have any other ideas. I'll make a list.

Yes, you can buy cross stitch kits, crafty shops your best bet (or internet). Good mags, remember holding books etc for long periods of time might be challenging.
YY to inviting DCs out.
Maybe some choccies ( I know its a cliche, but...)
Also, sometimes people just feel so much better after this op that their recovery can be surprisingly quick.
You sound like a lovely friend.

That's great, thank you.
And it's HER that's the lovely friend

And yeah you're right, you can beat good chocolates. If you were ever going to eat them it's after a big op aye.

Would she mind if you offered her a little bit of housework? Wash dishes, maybe put the vacuum round?

I may have to have one and the thought of not doing anything / much fills me with dread. Not just the boredom aspect but lying on the sofa 'resting' and being told to 'take it easy' when I can see that things need dusting or that glass thing isnt quite straight and maybe I could just reach it or straighten it when no one is looking.....

Oh and the ironing. I like to know its done, not just the bits that need it. DP has a different view. We have different views about the way the bathroom is cleaned too.

So yes as SweetEspresso says, offer to do some housework and when she says no, do it anyway.

And I would suggest hiring some DVD box sets from the video shop, books from the library, anything like that....

A bit of housework is a FAB idea. I'll do that and as you say, just turn up and do it!

I really don't think I'm a good enough friend / nice enough person to do her ironing though! I don't do my own ironing!

Hello,

I'm 4 weeks post hysterectomy & just starting to be up to doing more around the house.

In the first week or two out of hospital, she really won't feel up to doing much & whilst laying around might seem like a boring idea, it is probably all she'll want to do!

Things I really appreciated when I got home:
My friends nipping in for a (brief!) visit. Conversation was tiring & I found it difficult to concentrate on anything for a good 2 weeks (be it TV, reading, talking etc). Ideally get yourself a key!
Someone noticing what housework needed doing rather than me getting niggled by it, and just doing it for me. So dusting/vacuuming/cleaning bathroom/kitchen so it's liveable rather than deep cleaned!
One of my neighbours cooked a few meals for me & brought them down to me- that was a godsend! Finding the energy to cook was a big issue at first.
Help with the laundry/ironing.
Taking me out for a drive/bit of fresh air/change of scenery.

I also bought a cheap 'overbed table' - bit like the hospital ones but about £30. It allowed me to sit in bed or in a chair & use my laptop/or eat without anything resting on my tummy.

I'd say cross stitch would be good after a couple of weeks as everything is very tiring & concentration/patience levels are not that great to start with. I bought myself some jigsaws but they are still in their boxes!

If I think of anything else I'll add it later.

I would say that it has not been as bad as I expected. Painwise I was pretty much OK after day 3, but kept on the painkillers as they were anti-inflammatory. I was moving freely by then too, though it tires you more than you can imagine!

You sound like a great friend!

My mum had a hysterectomy when I was 10. I remember very clearly that we had a PE lesson at school and were playing rounders - when it was my turn to bat I walked up to the square, lifted the bat, and burst into tears because I didn't understand what was happening to her and I was worried. So definitely a good idea to do something nice for the 10 year old!

How do her DCs get to school/college? My mum drove me so lots of friends helped out by doing the school run to save her having to fork out taxi money. Also there were a few dressing up days and a play at school - a friend's mum sorted me costumes for those so that my mum didn't have to worry there either.

I know she really appreciated people popping in (visits of the "little and often" persuasion) to break up the day.

And a DVD box set she can get really addicted to.

Hi, what a nice friend you are. In addition to everyone else's suggestions, keep an eye out for her emotional state. My sister had that surgery recently and went through a period of mourning for the babies she could never have even though she and her DH weren't intending to have anymore. I guess it depends on your friend's age amongst many other things, but I have seen her (and another in fact) feel sad about passing of a stage in womanhood.

My mum had a hysterectomy two years ago after being diagnosed with cervical cancer. (she is, thankfully, completely fine now!) I am abroad and due to personal circumstances wasn't able to come and see her (it was awful. I'm not a horrible person who doesn't go see their sick mum, it was just actually simply impossible without everything falling apart here and my mum firmly told me not to be silly, she would cope and she knew I loved her even though I couldn't be there) My dad is fabulous and he took over all the cooking/housekeeping/shopping, so that was not something her friends needed to help her with, but the surgery hit her hard and her recovery took a long time. Once she was well enough to do anything other than sleep, I know she really appreciated them coming round for company. My mum isn't into crafts and there's only so much daytime tv you can watch before going screamingly insane, but she loves to read and many people brought her books, magazine, short stories, etc which she enjoyed - as well as the company of the person bringing it over, of course! She also appreciated regular, short phonecalls from people who are too far away to pop over - it allowed her to stay in the loop and made her feel like people were thinking of her.

To my knowledge, my mum hasn't had any issues with the emotional side of losing her womb - but she is 58, so there was no possibility of having more children anyway, and she was very much of the opinion that she would much rather go with the 'nuke it from orbit' option on the cancer than keep her womb but worry more about it coming back.

You sound like a lovely friend, and I'm sure your friend will appreciate it :) I know my mum's (absolutely wonderful) friends meant a lot to her through her illness and surgery.