I can't decide whether I'm slowly becoming depressed (again) or just struggling with the realities of real life

[LucyLastik]

I'm just finding everything such a struggle at the moment, from getting up in the morning, to doing my job properly, to managing finances indoors to parenting my children....

I'm not sleeping well because I have various things going around my head, this is then impacting on me being able to get up in the morning, getting the children and myself ready for the day ahead and also my work. DD1 has been late for school so often this term, we've flitted between school dinners and packed lunches because 1) I can't get organised and 2) money is really tight at the moment to the point feeding everyone in the family is getting hard. I'm missing meals myself to enable the children to eat, although it isn't like this everyday.

At work, I am finding myself getting into trouble more and more often too. I was promoted last year to deputy manager of a pre-school and as a result, my workload increased. I love my job and spend much of my spare time doing things for work, in an attempt to make things better for the children. However, I'm becoming disorganised, forgetting things like which children have paid their fees, mislaying paper work. My boss is beginning to tire of it and to be honest, I feel like I'm working myself silly trying to do everything I should be doing and getting it right. I was doing ok up until about 3 weeks ago, my boss had nothing but positive things to say to me/about me. Now she goes around all my colleagues making sure they are supervising me doing tasks. I'm not sure how much longer this can go on for before I either get fired, or demoted but then I can't afford the pay decrease if that happens.

DH and I never see each other because we are always working. The kids are suffering because I'm always so stressed. I'm shouty, miserable and have no energy to do anything with them.

I guess this is just real life, but I'm finding it really hard to be positive about everything. The kids don't do anything after school with the exception of DD1 and Brownies but even finding the £20 subs a term is a struggle and I'm thinking of jacking it in, which is unfair on her. She doesn't go on playdates with other kids or get invited anywhere (probably because of her bad attitude, but that's another story!) so she is stuck here with her younger siblings in a flat that isn't big enough for us all.

Anyway, sorry about the rant. Suppose a trip to the GP won't hurt.

Why don't you start with having a little word with your boss about how you'e feeling? Or are you worried that she'll think you can't cope with the job and demote you? There's a chance that if you're open and honest with her she'll be understanding, then there's a chance you might feel a tremendous amount of pressure off.

Don't you see your hubby in the evenings? Also if you're open and honest with him about how shit you're feeling that could make you feel lighter. I know if things are upsetting me a good chat with the hubby makes me a whole lot better.

I can identify with you on the kids thing too, they drive me mad at the best of times.

If you don't feel better I would advise you to see your doctor again. I am an expert on depression haha, I'm on them for good after several attempts at withdrawing and failing, realising I have a chemical imbalance that needs help with drugs!

Agree it would be a good idea to see the GP.

Well done on your promotion ! Don't underestimate how stressful being a deputy at a nursery can be on top of running your own family !
My job was a nursery nurse and I never wanted a management role as I do not think my personality is suited to it as I worry too much so I was happy to be in suppporting roles. Could you just be honest with your manager and explain how you are finding things more of a struggle and just ask to take a back seat for a while. When the kids are older you might feel you can take on more.
If you do not want to do this visit the doctors as you just sound like you are suffering stress and he may prescribe something to help you cope better.

Blimey ,no way could I cope with all that ,hats off to you .

Guess it could be depression caused by all the stress ?

I think see GP ,hopefully ( ie good GP ,getting antidepressants that work ... ) you've nothing to loose .

Keep going and keep strong .
x

lucylastik you need to eat properly. You might need a holiday. Maybe sort one thing out at a time, like getting ready for the mornings the night before. Maybe ask someone to look after the children one day next weekend and just spend time in chilling with DH. Its mothers day: remember to have breakfast in bed!
And talk about money with DH. You sound all in. Hugs.

Lucy, you sound at the end of your tether. I'd suggest you go to your GP. He or she may prescribe ADs, and may sign you off work for a while. You will have got your situation out in the open and acknowledged, and that too will help.

I worked for a few years in a pre-school. There's a lot of preparation and paperwork on top of the time spent with the children. There's also a lot of hard labour setting up the equipment and furniture, and clearing it away. It is a very exhausting way to earn a modest wage. It's rewarding too, obviously, but not a doddle by any means.

Poor you! In addition to seeing your GP, have you tried being more methodical about getting organised? There are lots of really useful tips on MN from super organised people, or people who are not naturally together, but manage it by being uber organised through lists, strategies, routines, etc.

It sounds like you could do with a notepad and pen next to your bed too, to write down those things going round and round. And it sounds like a silly suggestion to someone who has no time, but really making 10 mins or so before you go to bed to breathe/attempt meditation could do wonders for you. You can get a book from the library about meditation or read about it online rather than buying a book - it might really help you (has really helped my stressed DH).

As the pp said, you do need to eat and being more organised with food will help that happen. Your DH needs to be onboard with becoming more organised too.

If I were you I would talk to your boss and just say you have had a few problems at home recently and you are aware you have let things slide a little and that you are working on this. Just so she is aware that you are aware, iyswim. Perhaps together you can come up with some processes at work that help you keep on top of things.

Good luck.