hi all
i think i have a problem with alcohol and if i think i do then i probably do.
i have always been fond of a glass of wine but over the past months it has become a huge part of my week. At the moment i am going through a very messy seperation so am curently a single mam of three - working full time. My health is not great and i look like absolute crap. Most people would would put this down to stress but they dont know that i am drinking the guts of a bottle of wine 3 and on a bad week 4 nights per week. I am doing this alone when the kids are in bed. It is very much my secret and it is something that i am very ashamed of. I usually open the bottle and say i'll just have one glass but i never ever stop at one or two but i can stop after three. What does this say about me?
Lots of people i know can drink a bottle of wine its very socially acceptable amoung my friends but not to the extent i am doing it and not on their own.
I am getting through work on the days following drinking but am very below par and tend to hide away in my office most of the time. I am trying to cover up too in case i smell of drink so am wearing loads of perfume and makeup and chewing gum. It is exhausting having to pretend like this all the time. The days when i haven't been drinking the night before i am in top form and swear that i will cop myself on.
At the moment i try and keep it to fri, sat and sun and think i am brilliant if i dont have any mon - thurs. But then i am only half functioning at the weekend and this is not fair to my kids. I am up and doing all the things that need to be done but obviously am not being as good a mother as i can be. The amount of sat morning i wake up and think that ill go to bed early tonight and then beofre i know it i am in the supermarket buying myself another bottle.
I seem to have lost the ability to just relax at the weekends without having 3 glasses of wine.
So i need a bit of supprt to help me to stop and to get fit and healthy and looking good again. If i keep going like this i know i will end up with a serious problem and i dont' want that to happen. I have enough problems as it is.
So any advice would be very welcome. I think it would be helpful for me to keep a sort of diary on here and that might help me stay on the straight and narrow.
Even as i am typing this i am still thinking that i don't want to give it up altogether but that is probably the closet alcoholic talking. Is there a way i can learn to just have a couple of glasses - drink like normal people??