Just a note for anyone out there suffering from (or supporting a relative with) Puerperal Psychosis and PND - there is hope, you will get over it, I survived to tell the tale and so will you.
Here's my story, I hope it helps...
I had my little girl in June '03, within a week of the birth I was behaving very strangely and having delusions. I was diagnosed with Puerperal Psychosis and was placed in a psychiatric unit where I spent 2 days, I was then released on anti-psychotic medication (Respiridone)to be looked after at home.
For the first couple of weeks at home I was in a shocking state - highly anxious and very confused, this settled but then I fell into a deep post natal depression which pretty much crippled me. I could not eat, sleep, talk, could barely wash, I was in a permanent state of anxiety, I had no enjoyment and time simply stood still. Despite the fact that I'd longed for a baby before hand, I did not want my daughter and could have given her away.
I was prescribed with Anti-depressants initially Prozac(aka Fluoxetine) but then Efexor(aka Venlafaxine), the worst of the depression passed within 3 weeks. After 3 months I felt fully back to myself. I'm now off all medication excpet Efexor which I'll be taking for some time.
While I was going through this I kept asking the same questions over and over again, which I guess everyone going through this probably asks, with hindsight I can now answer these questions...
How long will this hell go on for?
The psychosis although very shocking and scarey was short lived, once recognised the delusions and insanity were under control in a couple of days. The worst of the anxiety was brought under control in 2 weeks and the worst of the post natal depression was over in 3 weeks. It took 3 months for me to feel fully myself in terms of energy levels and mood and a further month assisted with sleeping tablets (Zopiclone) to combat residual sleeping problems. I guess this is different for each individual.
Will I ever love my baby?
Yes, yes, yes. Absolutley 100%. It just takes a bit of time, don't stress yourself about it or feel guilty it will come.
Why me?
There are lots of theories and no answers, could be hormonal, could be psychiatric, could be genetic predisposition, could be stress, could be circumstances, could even be dietary. My guess is probably a combination of things.
My top tips for surviving
- Don't be afraid of the medication but respect it, report any suspected side affects to your doctor / CPN, take it according to the directions on time, with food, aviod alchol etc. If your medication is addictive in anyway come off it gradually I did this with Zopliclone and was fine.
- Talk, Talk and them talk some more - don't bottle things up even if you are afraid of repeating yourself or boring people, you're loved ones want to help and listening is the best way they can do this.
- Accept practical help.
- Eat well, keep your fluids up and sleep well (even if you have to take a sleeping pill to do it).
- Keep repeating to yourself - I will get well, this is temporary.
- Force yourself to go outside even if it's just to the local shop and back.
- Don't feel guilty if you don't have feelings of love towards your child or can't care for them yourself, this will come in time.
- If you feel at all suicidal talk to someone immediately.
Finally remember you are ill now - but you WILL GET 100% WELL . For me there have even been some positive things - I found out just how much I'm loved and can love, I have a great daughter and a much deeper appreciation of life.