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i'm not sure where to put this, but please help me with my dad who is really ill.

1 reply

crispface · 25/01/2012 18:41

Long history made short, my dad is 67, has always been incredibly fit and active, and is a quiet, private sort of person.

4 years ago he had lung cancer, which he survived through surgery. Last year it came back in his other lung, and he beat it through chemo.

he has been in hospital for almost a month with pseudomonas on his remaining lung (a type of pneumonia, like cystic fibrosis, a superbug) and also has just developed an abcess on his hip muscle which means he is unable to walk.

Despite all of this he has been in fairly good spirits, although he, until today, had not passed a bowel movement for over a week because he didnt want "to have to go in his bed" and there was no offer to get him to a toilet or anything. He has not been eating properly, literally hardly anything for a few days now, presumably as his body is so bunged up.

Today however he is saying he has "given up" "doesnt want to go on" "can't keep waiting for nothing to happen" and has slept the whole day and eatend absolutely nothing, has barely drank either.

mum is on his case, and has got the ward sisters involved who are going to speak to him tonight with the thought of putting him on a drip if he continues to refuse food and drink.

I am not sure what I can do to help him feel better. Is his low mood partly due to his lack of food do you think?

Not sure why I am posting. Just to get it off my chest i suppose. Thank you for reading this far.

OP posts:
bigpigeon · 25/01/2012 19:30

This is just based on one day and I sincerely hope that when you go in tomorrow or the next day, that he has turned around and is keen to get to grips with his new limitations. After all everyone is allowed an off day, even if they haven't been through what he is enduring at the moment.

Having said that I wanted to share with you a similar situation we had with my grandma. She didn't have as many health concerns as your Dad, but among other problems, she became incontinent and it was this loss of dignity that was too much for her. I think that she couldn't face her continency issues never being resolved and it may be that that is playing on your Dad's mind.

My grandma was sharp as a tack and made the decision that she wasn't going to take any more food or water and declined the offer of a drip (I am not sure you can force someone to go on one unless their state of mind is a concern). In some ways I admire the fact that she had the strength of character to decide her own fate and it was clearly what she wanted to do. It did however take a huge toll on the daughters that she left behind.

Perhaps there is someone who can talk to him at the hospital - who isn't emotionally attached to him and he may be able to confide what has got to him this time (perhaps your nurse has got to the bottom of it as I type). Hopefully you can find practical ways of dealing with whatever is on his mind. But I guess what I am trying to say is that if he stays consistent on what he is saying then you may need to try to support him in his choices if you can.

I feel for you, a totally awful situation to be in.

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