Abject terror at thought of dentist - any ideas that may help?

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Ok, I feel ill, gut churning, cold sweats, avoid at all costs ill. I know I have to go to the dentist as my wisdom tooth has crumbled (apparently they weren't formed properly or something?) Anyway I have known that it was getting bad for weeks and i think I may be starting an absess. The trouble is I want to cry just typing this never mind actually going in the door to make an appointment!

When my dc were little I forced myself to he brave and, luckily, avoided any work so got to sit in the chair with a big smile whilst dc learnt that the dentist is good. However my previous wisdom tooth crumbled and I had it removed by a truly terrible dentist. That was the end of my brave face. I had a filling a couple of years ago and went without the injection which was much better and I thought I had found my solution but then broke a tooth and was told I had to have injections for that so, after sailing in happily, I left with my new optimism in tatters.

Since then I haven't even been able to go for a check up. I am so scared, I feel so ill. I know I haven't got what it takes to go in never mind sit in the chair. My jaw hurts thinking about someone messing in there and my gag reflex starts up. I just can't work out how I am going to manage to get the wisdom tooth out. I am also terrified of the state I am going to get myself in if I do manage to sit in the chair. I know there will be hystrionics and snottage, it just seems simpler to put it off.

I am still with terrible dentist. I can't get another nhs dentist and can't afford to pay. Please someone give me a super solution so I can get over this and get my poor teeth sorted!

Self hynotheraphy. There are mp3 that you buy off the web.

I used self hypnotheraphy to overcome the fear of childbirth. I believe it can work well for the dentist as well. There are various CDs and mp3s that you buy off the web to listen to you.

Ooh that sounds interesting reallytierd, thank you. I will have a look about now. I have never tried hypnosis before!

You could ask to be referred to another dental surgery where they'll sedate you before the extraction. I am also a complete jelly in the dentist's chair and my dental surgery have referred me for a wisdom tooth that's got to come out. Best of luck.

My NHS dentist gives me nitrous oxide. I have to pay a bit extra for it, but it is well worth it! She also has it on my notes the things to avoid, such as 'never be behind patient'.
I still get scared, but I don't lose sleep over it!

What is it about your dentist that makes him or her "terrible"?

Dentists around here are forever opening and closing their lists, so if you want to move surgeries it's worth asking around. A surgery that wasn't accepting new patients 6m ago may well be accepting them now.

Self-hypnosis is a fabulous idea, it can really help.

There are also things you can do to help yourself (been there, seen it, still doing it, myself ), but to an extent they depends on you having a relatively sympathetic dentist. Hence my question, above.

op it might be worth going to see your doctor, he/she may be able to get you referred to a practice that deals with very nervous patients etc ?, good luck in whatever way you go.

Yes, look for recommendations of dentists that deal well with nervous patients and then beg them to take you. I know you said you can't afford to pay, but I would consider making cutbacks elsewhere to at least pay for a private appt for this one thing to get them sorted. I had wisdom teeth problems, saw private dentist and they kindly referred me to a dental school to get them extracted for free, saving me the huge sum it would otherwise have cost.

Thank you all for your responses and ideas. I am going to go to my gp as suggested and also try the self hypnosis. Hopefully if one doesn't help the other will. I am feeling more positive already, isn't it strange how taking control helps in itself?

The dentist is terrible because they are rough handed and favour extreme (but cheap) methods over other treatments, they would far rather remove a tooth than attempt to save it. In our area they are well known, people wince when you tell them where you go I have previously told them about my issues, that was when I convinced them to let me try without injections (which took some doing) but the very next visit they used scare tactics to convince me to have the jabs. Including sticking some metal thing into my broken tooth

Sticking a metal thing into your tooth does sound a bullying tactic. But OTOH if it gives you some indication of the pain you would suffer without the injection, then maybe it was justifiable?

I don't like rough dentists. I don't like any rough therapists or HCPs of any sort! My body, not theirs, they should treat it with the same respect they would want for their own body.

Before the treatment, I would explain to the dentist that you are terrified. Insist that if you want them to stop you will raise your left hand and they will stop until you are ready to continue.

Also, if they want to talk to you, they need to signal you by touching you - tapping your shoulder, say - because you will be too focused on staying calm to necessarily notice them talking to you.

If the dentist is agreeable to this, then they may be sympathetic and you will find a way to cope. If OTOH you dont get a comfortable reaction from them, then I would definitely go elsewhere.

I find certain things help with the injection: I hold the nurse's hand (a couple of months ago I had the injection without holding a nurse's hand - for the first time in 20y! I felt rather proud of myself ). I also recite poetry in my head and remind myself to keep breathing steadily.

Whenever I go to the dentist I take my iPod. I usually listen to comedy tracks, because I don't find music sufficiently distracting, and soothing music is often not loud enough.

This website is great and very supportive for dental phobes www.dentalfearcentral.org.uk

All the very best of luck with getting things sorted. :)

I have today, had some ermm...a lot of work done at the dentists today, all of which not very pleasant. And I know that it's a well used method but, using earphones really helped me take my mind off everything. The only thing I could hear (with my eyes squeezed tight!) was music (Sweeney Todd actually )

Any sympathy and tea gratefully accepted :)

Oh sorry everyone, I didn't mean to be rude I just didn't expect any more responses

better late than never, hope you are feeling better today?

I am not sure about the metal thing as he stuck it into me tooth but didn't put anything in my tooth during the repair -afaik!

Some good suggestions for how to gauge the dentist, thank you. What if I don't get the responses I want, can I just leave? (i am a wimp in the face of confrontation!)
I will have a look at the site, thank you

Well, you wouldn't know, would you? You couldnt feel anything because your tooth was anaesthetised!

Of course you can leave if you do not like the way they respond. You can even make an appointment purely to discuss the treatment and how you want to cope with it. The dentist may also have suggestions. All of my communication suggestions, and the iPod idea, were proposed to me by a dentist - the first dentist to ever address my fear and help me deal with it. She was wonderful and I have a lot to thank her for.