worried about counselling

[Peony]

Hi there everyone, I'm getting in a bit of a state (what's new!) as I've been reffered to receive councelling from a local mental health team.I've been struggling on and off for 3 years with post-natal depression and am currently on medication.As I seem to have found a 'level' of coping I am not sure what to discuss with professionals anymore. DDoes anyone else have that 'numb' feeling? sorry,it's kinda hard to describe really!

Peony, my heart goes out to you.
I suffered clinical depression for about two years and medication literally saved my life. Like you I was referred for counselling, and it came at a time that I felt I was over the worst and perhaps did not need it, but being grateful for any help available, I did go along.
There are various types of counselling available but one of the most common is what is known as Cognitive therapy. In its most summarised form, cognitive therapy rests on the theory that your feelings (in your case negative and sad feelings) come from your thoughts. So if you can focus on what your thoughts are ( the kind of things you might be saying to yourself- I must say I did not find this easy!)and change the inappropriate ones you can then affect your feelings. I think the basics of it might be something like, many depressed people might have a thought like " I am a worthless person / bad mother" or whatever. The cognitive therapist would then say " Let's examine this though more closely. Can you think of a good thing you did in the past few days?" and the depressed person might think for a minute before replying " Well I took the kids to the park even though I was tired" and the therapist would say " See, you are not a worthless person". I am oversimplifying of course but that is the gist of it. I must say I was not sure it would "work" on me as like you I felt kind of numb, and found it difficult to come up with any thoughts at all! However I did still kind of enjoy it, and definately thought it was worthwhile. Of course it is lovely to meet with someone who will focus totally on YOU for an hour each week and I think this was the most helpful aspect of it. I also really liked the therapist as a person and quite simply enjoyed the chats! I do wish you a full recovery. Depression is a terrible illness and you have my every sympathy.
Also, do not hesitate to ask your doctor to change your medication if you feel it is no longer helpful. There are lots of different antidepressants available and sometimes it can take a while to find the best one for you. Remember, medication and counselling are not mutually exclusive.
Best of luck . Get well soon.

Thanks Jasper for taking the trouble to reply at length-even though you know others are going through/have been through the same thing it's nice to hear direct info from another mum.Depression is a strange thing and because I've been trudging along for what seems like forever,I feel as if I've got 'no right'to still be inflicting it on my children/partner/parents/friends and I think perhaps they are sick and tired of it all by now!Anyway,the cognitive therapy sounds very interesting and I'll mention it at my first session You're right in that it's worth going along anyway.The medication thing is also worth tackling but you know,I get confused and think 'am I better? am I just fighting the medication?how will I KNOW when I feel better?' sorry I'm going off on one again.I'll let the forum know when I've started my counselling.Thanks again for the advice!

Peony - I suffered from ante-natal depression. Please visit my website at www.unplannedpregnancies.freeservers.com. It has a lot of stuff in there about PND, the treatments, other links, etc. It also tells you what happened to me and how I coped with depression whilst I was pregnant.

Do let us know how you get on.

Peony - my heart too goes out to you.

I suffered PND after my son was born, but seeked some counselling after about 8 months as I felt I just felt so desperate for help. I personally wanted to try that route before getting antidepressants. I have alot of 2nd hand experience of antidepressants - friends and family members - and they too have described feelings of numbness. I think one of their effects is to stabilise your moods - so they don't allow you to get too down, but also seem to prevent you going too 'up' aswell. Please don't think I am negating how necessary and helpful they can be - I certainly wouldn't have turned them down had my counselling not helped so much.

So, ultimately this is a hopeful message. I found the most amazing therapist/ counsellor who has helped me to become a much happier person. I have now been seeing her for a year (maybe more?) and we have worked through so much stuff. I think with all cases of PND there tends to be another issue that motherhood is bringing into the foreground for you, whether you are aware of it or not. So, although I still have bad days/ weeks - on the whole I feel so much happier about myself, about my son, about my relationship with my partner and most of all about being a mother.

One thing I would say is though - it is soooooo important to find someone who you work well with. Before I found the lady I see now, I went to a chartity in London which deals with parenting and children from a very 'Freudian' perspective, which I found really didn't work for me. So, I sought help elsewhere - I personally decided to go privately - vey expensive (£30 per week), but I considered that a valuable thing for me and my family and thus worth it (Plus she would have offered concessions if I couldn't afford it). If you do decide to look elsewhere for someone to work with - I can recommend some helplines/ organisations who would put you in touch with someone in your area who is experienced with PND and issues around motherhood.

Last but not least, sorry if I am going on a bit, don't forget that motherhood is a bloody hard thing to adjust to - it changes your life completely, and it is a very very normal thing to find it difficult to come to terms with. It is not easy - any mum will tell you that - and some people (for whatever reason - but certainly not through any defect in themselves) find it harder than others for a while. Everyone lives in different circumstances.

I really do think you have been very brave to try to talk about it with someone. I felt quite brave myself when I started. Counselling is not an easy road - sometimes you have to take one or two steps backwards to take a leap forwards - but I really have found it has changed things around for me (and thus my whole family).

Have I rambled too much? Sorry.

Thanks to both Lisav and Green for more helpful and encouraging advice-I feel my spirits have lifted so much since discovering Mums-net!I had no Idea!!