Nap / Sleep training for 5 month old spirited boy!

[AnnieDelores]

My little one used to be a good sleeper until he reached 4 months.

I now struggle to get him to have more than 30 mins during the day in his cot and if I'm out, he wakes up in his pushchair if I stop moving! He gets cranky if he doesnt get enough kip during the day but scritches when I spot the tired signs and put him in his cot ( i don't want to be a slave to the dangerous rocking to sleep system!)

He generally goes down at 7.30pm after bottle and bath, settles himself with the dummy and a little grizzle, dream feeds at 11pm but wakes several times in the night between 2 and 5am. Sometimes the dummy will send him back to sleep, others not, and he screams till he is picked up. Have I made a rod for my own back with the dummy? Should I withdraw it and try "pick up / put down" techniques? Any suggestions on how to make his naps longer and manage the 2am to 5am wakings? My instinct tells me he is waking out of habit as he only wants feeding before 7am during a growth spurt.

He feeds well by the way and has just started solids which he is loving.

Does he take the dummy during the day as well? We got rid of the dummy at 4 months, cold turkey as it was waking him up when it fell out during the night. At that point he started having regular day time naps in his cot. I would be inclined to take it out of the equation & give him a blanket/comforter instead.

My little one used to be a good sleeper until he reached 4 months.
Read this and also google '4 month sleep regression' - it's universal and completely normal for sleep to go out the window at 4 months (and 8/9 months and 18 months)

Have I made a rod for my own back with the dummy?
Nope, babies who have never had a dummy also experience this sleep regression.

Should I withdraw it and try "pick up / put down" techniques?
Up to you. I wouldn't personally, and never used any sleep training techniques because I think it is far easier to change one's attitude about what is normal sleeping behaviour for an infant/baby/toddler than it is to change normal sleep behaviour in an infant/baby/toddler but YMMV. Sleep regressions pass on their own whether you do anything or not. Many people try different things and then think they've 'worked' when actually the 'problem' would've passed if they had done nothing.

Are you sure he's not hungry? Lots of babies still need night feeds at 4 months.

OP, are you offering him feeds when he's waking up? Babies need night feeds a lot longer than 4 months and while he might not have needed them before, they do change all the time :)

Yes I'm feeding him if he wants it. He is currently guzzling 5 to 6 X 140ml bottles a day and solids on top of that. Today he had baby rice with pear for breakfast, 1 tablespoon of pureed sweet potato at lunchtime and more sweet potato and apple tonight. He is eating loads! I have fed him at 5am or 5.30am the past 3 mornings as he's asked for it even though he had a full bottle at 11pm. He's a hungry boy at the moment.

He cried for 25 minutes when I tried to put him down for his nap in his cot today even though he was obviously tired (eye rubbing and had been awake for 2.5 hours). I comforted him every 5 minutes (he wanted me to pick him up but I but a hand on his tummy and shushed him and eventually he dropped off with the dummy in and slept for a good hour and 15 minutes which is better than the usual 30 minutes. I'm not keen on the idea of letting him get upset but he is not happy when he doesn't sleep properly, is very hard work and grizzly which spoils everyone's day, and is all smiles and good tempered when he does sleep well.

It's very hard to know how to do whats best for him and my sanity as he gets loads of cuddles and stimulation during the day (mostly in my arms as he protests in his pushchair) and I'm trying to help him to settle properly by himself in his bed. Sob!

Yes BlackSwan he does take the dummy during the day but only when I'm settling him down for his naps. He spits it out by himself when he is asleep. At the moment, getting him to nap for more than 30 minute sessions with the dummy would feel like an achievement. I'm going to confine myself to the house every morning this week to try to get him to nap properly.

Righto. Gave him his food and milk at 6.15pm. Nice long bath at 6.45pm. Massage at 7pm....but didn't seem tired so popped him in his jumparoo with the sound off for 10 minutes till 7.15pm. Started eye rubbing so whipped him out and into his growbag and popped him in his cot with his dummy and mussy comforter. Cried for 5 minutes after I left the room.....went back in, popped in the dummy and he fell asleep at 7.30pm. Will see how he gets on tonight.

I'm trying to help him to settle properly by himself in his bed
Is there a reason for that? What I mean is it something you've been told "should" be happening? Might be easier for both of you to let him fall asleep by whatever method works without upset and not worry about how it happens - he's still incredibly young. Just a thought :) Good luck.

Why is settling by himself in bed "proper' at 5 months?

The thing is ElusiveCamel, it's not working. 30 minute naps during the day = unhappy baby and shattered mummy. He is a sociable baby and demanding because of it. Today he refused to sit in his pushchair even when I was moving and complained till I picked him up and carried him around the shops. He is the same every day and much prefers the baby bjorn and will happily nap in that but I can't be on my feet all day! I've lost more weight than before I was pregnant and have lower back ache. He seems to need a hell of a lot of physical contact and stimulation and I just can't cope without enough sleep. Some mums, I'm sure, have all the energy in the world to rock their baby to sleep in their arms 5 or 6 times a night. What I've read, many times, is that a baby who wakes and can self settle, will fall back to sleep more easily without needing to be in his parents' arms.

Please, I don't want to be questioned about what is proper and what isn't. I know Sam can settle himself because he is usually very good at it at bed time. He just can't seem to do it during the day and between 1 and 6am. I'm just after some advice on how to help him to settle himself some of the time. I don't expect it ALL of the time, and I don't think anyone would agree that cat napping throughout the day and waking several times in the night is good for a 5 month old baby.

Do you suggest that everytime he wakes I pick him up and rock him to sleep in my arms and sit there on my sofa until he wakes up? Do you suggest that get up 5 or 6 times a night and rock him back to sleep in my arms and weight 20 or 30 minutes each time until he is sound enough to be put in his cot? That would equate to just a few hours sleep a night......and very broken sleep at that. My parents live miles away so I don't have much help and my partner helps at weekends but has to work hard during the week......but he does let me go to bed early and do the dream feed.

It's tough Annie, some babies are just like this - I'm sure of it, mine certainly was. As I said, things got better with daytime naps and sleeping at night once we got rid of the dummy, but the dummy falling out was a problem for him. Even when naps were sorted he still hated being pushed around in the buggy and would cry to be held loads even when at home... no relief from a bouncer for instance. I'm sure that time will make things more manageable. Do you have much support from family or friends, sounds like you could use a break.

"wait" 20 or 30 minutes even. So tired I can't spell.

My mum is great but she lives 3 hours from me so she comes to stay for a few days once or twice a month, or I go to her. My partner's parents are in their 70s and not much help as they find Sam too demanding. I left him with them once and they looked pale when I returned! Friends either work or have young babies too so it's tricky. I'm going to investigate some childcare for a couple of mornings a week just to give me a break and some help with his naps.

OK, well Baby Bjorns are notoriously painful for parents' backs when babies are slightly older so my first piece of advice would be, if your son has a strong need to be carried/held and it sounds like he does, to get a good carrier - it will make such a difference.

He seems to need a hell of a lot of physical contact and stimulation and I just can't cope without enough sleep.
Oh, I sympathise with that. My son was exactly the same. That's what I meant by doing whatever works to maximise his sleep. If I'd tried to get my son to nap in a cot or by putting it down, he would never have napped or slept at all. We did not use a pushchair until he was 13 months old. I would get him to sleep in a sling, do the 'arm test' to make sure he was in deep sleep, and then put him on my lap - 2 hour naps every time, which meant he slept well at night. Or I'd let him fall asleep like that and then do housework, but really try get hold of a comfortable sling - something like an Ergo, Patapum or good Mei Tei.

What I've read, many times, is that a baby who wakes and can self settle, will fall back to sleep more easily without needing to be in his parents' arms.
Well, you can try, but speaking from experience I think that some babies do just have more of a need to be held. Some babies on the other hand, prefer to sleep not touching anyone from early days. I'm not sure you can train them out of that.

I hate labelling, and really the 4 month sleep regression is totally normal, but you might find the Sears' 'Fussy Baby' book useful. See here and here Have you tried one of those baby swings? Those can work quite well for babies who need to be held/rocked to sleep.

Good luck, it's so exhausting but it does pass and don't worry about 'teaching him bad habits' - my son needed to be held/rocked to sleep (and we did it because it meant he got lots of sleep) and he grew out of it in his own time.

Definitely get a couple of mornings off - you will feel so much better for it. It can help you get through the week, just knowing that you will have help on a given day or two! You will be just fine. Off to bed myself.

Please, I don't want to be questioned about what is proper and what isn't. I know Sam can settle himself because he is usually very good at it at bed time. He just can't seem to do it during the day and between 1 and 6am. I'm just after some advice on how to help him to settle himself some of the time.
Sorry you feel questioned when you're frustrated and so exhausted. Wasn't my intention to come across like that :(

Do you suggest that everytime he wakes I pick him up and rock him to sleep in my arms and sit there on my sofa until he wakes up? Do you suggest that get up 5 or 6 times a night and rock him back to sleep in my arms and weight 20 or 30 minutes each time until he is sound enough to be put in his cot?
No I wouldn't suggest that, but I honestly don't think you can sleep train a baby that young either and that all you can do is work with what you have. Could you put his cot next to your bed? You would probably wake before he started crying and would be able to get him to sleep without getting up. It's a lot easier and quicker to get a baby back to sleep before they're crying. I co-slept from birth so I never got up once in the night and it took a few minutes to get him back to sleep - co-sleeping isn't for everyone, so not recommending that, but having you nearby for a while might help?

Ok ElusiveCamel, that's helpful. I have a high need baby! Will investigate slings tomorrow.