Admitting I have a drink problem

[Bluebelle38]

It has taken a lot for me to admit this to myself, but I have a drink problem and I have to stop.

I drink to prop me up, keep me happy. I drink because I have a shit past and don't see my family. They live on the other side of the world (very dysfunctional upbringing). In saying that, I am happy to be away from them in some ways.

My drinking has not affected my work, but it has ruined relationships in the past.

I am welling up here. I am due to go to a friend's for Christmas and will talk to her about this. I am scared I won't be able to change and will continue to ruin things in my life.

I have great friends and would be viewed as a happy, lovely person, but I know that I am kidding myself thinking I have this under control.

Has anyone here admitted a similar problem to themselves? I feel so alone.

tribpot - 20 years for me as well and no more!!!

have Pm'd you. Thanks for the book link :)

Just checking in to say today was the three-week mark and I am doing really well. Head clear, looking much better and looking forward with a smile on my face :)

Thanks to everyone that has sent PMs and been supportive on here.

I really appreciate it. xx

Just checking in to say DAY 53 and not touched a drop. heading to London to see the friend I was seeing at the start of this thread. :)

Life is so much better. I am happy, positive and in control.

Just wanted to let everyone know I was doing fine and thanks again to all that took the time to post and wish me well.

xxx

Well done Bluebelle!

I gave up booze completely 6 years ago. Best thing I ever did.

Sometimes I still wish that I could have a glass of wine with lunch or whatever, but as you've already said, nothing beats that clear-headed feeling when I wake up in the morning. I love it!

Keep up the good work

Thanks MrsmcEnroe

Well done on the six years. I too would love to know I can have a glass of wine when going out for dinner, but I am old enough and seasoned enough to know where that would lead for me.

I was never a one or two glass woman! After two I was in the form for three and after that it was all down-hill.

Waking up with a clear head and full recollection of the night before is a feeling I now cherish. I am so much happier and in this for the long haul.

Again, congrats on your 6 years - what an inspiration you are. :)

Admitting I actually had a problem was the first big step and since then it has only been positivity. :)

xxx

Aw thanks Bluebelle - stay dry! xxx

Bluebelle you are doing very well. I've been drinking too much for the last 20 years but have just completed my first dry week in a long time. Hasn't been as hard as I thought; I think it was a psychological prop more than a physical one. Hope I can keep going; you have inspired me to try.

Hi Bluebell

Your story is a fantastic inspiration to me. I admire your honesty and am so pleased for you that you are doing so brilliantly. What a wonderful story.

Would you kindly pass on to me, via PM, the forum that is helpful too, please?

anniedunne Snap. One week here too.

I've beaten cigarettes, I really want to put this behind me too.

Hi Bluebelle,
I was in the same boat as you. I drank almost every day until it started affecting my heart. It doesn't beat properly now and I'm terrified I'll die soon. I have a small DC and don't want to leave him on his own.
I finally gave up the drink out of sheer terror of having a heart-attack, and I feel so much better for it. I am on medication to help my heart keep beating properly, but even now there are still triggers that would make me reach for the bottle if I wasn't so scared.
Keep going, you're doing so well, and you're not on your own.

Good to hear from you Bluebelle, well done on your good work. I'm at exactly 9 months today, I've only just realised :)

Hi guys

Happy anniversary tribpot!!!!

Just checking in to give you a bit of an update.

Well, this weekend was a real test. I flew to London to see my best friend and her husband. She is the friend I was last with at Christmas when I mentioned my concerns (although we have both known we both over-did it with regards to the drinking for years!!)

It was a test because our weekends together (say once every 2-3 months) always included a 'blow-out' of drinking plenty of wine in her place. We always reasoned it was 'OK' because it was only every few months, but we both knew the fact we always did this meant there was an issue.

I was worried about seeing her and taking drink out of the mix. Well, I shouldn't have. We had an amazing weekend - even went sailing on the Saturday as we weren't nursing horrendous hangovers.

I had some non-alco wine when they had a glass of wine with dinner, we talked and laughed just like normal.

I am so glad that test is out of the way... and today is my day 59 without a drink. :)

My life is so much more enriched. I am going to apply for a scholarship in counselling - for which I have to write an essay. I never would have even known what my true calling was when I was drinking. I have also been accepted as a listening Samaritan and start training in a few weeks (after attending an information day and having an interview)

I am so glad this thread is helping others and I hope that those that PM'd me have all got their replies.

I really want to stress here that to the world I did NOT appear as if I had a serious problem. Having a drink problem doesn't have to be common knowledge. In fact, many of my friends have questioned why I have said I am off it for good.

The bottom line is I KNEW. I can only encourage anyone else in a similar situation to quit it. I have moments of clarity now that I never had when drinking - and those moments make me so happy to be alive that I have no problem staying on track.

Good luck to anyone else struggling... if I can do it, so can you.

xxx

Bluebelle - I agree. Even someone I am very close to me said to me recently "So you're still off the wine then?" and another said "I guess you can have a glass of champagne at Christmas, surely?". Er. No.

I am very pleased that for so many people alcohol can be something they can enjoy or leave, but the quote from Leo McGarry in The West Wing is so perceptive:

KAREN
So after six and a half years you're still not allowed to have a drink?

LEO
The problem is, I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks.

Bluebelle, well done on all you're managing to achieve!

Have been following your progress bluebelle and wanted to say well done. What a huge achievement!
I cut back on my drinking last October as I started the Dukan diet and probably drink 50% less than I used to. Was never a big drinker but I am keeping the 2 stones off that I lost so I deduct it's the lack of booze!

Think how much healthier your mind and body is now - well done!

Hi Bluebell,

I have read this thread for the first time today and wanted to say a huge well done to you and to all the others who have made this change in their lives.

Your story really struck a chord with me because a close member of the family is going through exactly the same experience, but finding it much, much harder and is lapsing back - like you she can't just have one, she has to have 10. It took her and us a long time to recognise it as a problem.

Is there anything that you have found that makes things easier for you to give up and stick to it? I know that the will to change has to come from the individual but I would love to make life easier for someone in this situation.

Congratulations again, you are inspiring!

Daisy, I know your question was to Bluebelle but from my perspective, I know that having none is much easier than having (and sticking) to one. Not just because of the Leo McGarry effect above but because of course alcohol dulls your senses and you stop being able to make sensible decisions, like not having another one!

I think if your family member goes to the GP, she will find that - as mine did - he/she recommends a period of complete abstinence before even considering trying to 'resume' social drinking. (I say 'resume' because I'm not convinced I ever really was a social drinker in the proper sense of the word). And a policy of 'no alcohol' leaves no grey area where you can constantly be bargaining that you're sticking to your limit or counting your units or all that stuff - it doesn't work for us.

For me I found it very, very important to be aware of my triggers, and in the early days they could be quite bizarre. I think I mentioned the 'wine o'clock' effect in a post above - I also had the same strong desire to have a drink when I got off the bus one Saturday - because I always used to get the bus home so it was the immediate prelude to wine o'clock. Last week I went out for lunch and at the last minute we decided to go across the road to All Bar One and I said "Oh, I shall have to be a bit careful here as this is a place I associate with drinking" (not that restaurants in general aren't but the only times I've been in an ABO were for drinking more than eating. It was fine - even though the boxes for the menus were made out of the cases for my favourite wine in the whole world, which I felt was unjustly cruel

But this highlights the other key to me - the importance, indeed the necessity, of talking about it. We are absolutely brilliant at hiding our problem with alcohol. It is only by shining a light on it, and being honest with people around us, that we are forced to confront it and we can also get the appropriate support and understanding. So although I didn't want to, I told my family, my boss, my colleagues, my in-laws - not all at once and maybe not all in the same level of detail, but that made it real and I couldn't take it back.

There are also some excellent self-help books around, I think some are mentioned upthread. And of course there are support services like the local Drug and Alcohol Service and AA. I haven't used them purely because I haven't needed to - yet. But I do not think I have got this beaten, so if I need that help I will go and get it.

My GP asked me to stop drinking for a year. I guess initially I thought I might re-start after that time; I am now 100% convinced I should not and will not.

Oh, the other thing I would add is that if your family member has a particular 'poison', as wine is for me, I think it is best it is avoided (as in to be around) completely in the early stages. I am lucky that most people I socialise with drink beer, and I could quite easily be around beer without feeling a desire to drink it, so I didn't have to ban myself from the pub completely, although I was always extremely careful and not necessarily very relaxed when I was in there. My rationale was that my desire to continue to spend time with my friends was stronger than my desire to drink. I would, and have, found it much more difficult to be around people drinking wine. Not impossible, but for example I am already concerned that we will be going to spend time at Christmas in a shared house with family where in all likelihood there will be open bottles of wine left at the end of the evening. I am genuinely worried I might go back downstairs and drink when people have gone to bed.

But of course, being aware of that risk, planning for it, finding a strategy, is how I avoid it happening. Likewise I anticipated that on a long cross-country train journey before Christmas I would get very 'triggered' first by the boredom factor, second by the fact I could easily have drunk away from knowing eyes, and third by the likelihood that people near me (who I wouldn't be able to get away from on a packed train) would be drinking wine. Sure enough, all three triggers happened, including a party of women drinking a bottle of rose they'd brought on to the train with them literally right under my nose (well, perhaps not literally but certainly close enough that I could smell the wine).

That was tough. Not being able to get away was particularly tough. But I knew it would probably happen and I got through it.

Hi Tribpot and thanks for your message, it's really helpful.

I think my family member (DSS fiancee) is not as far along the road as you. She knows she can never drink again but she's still really inhibited about talking about it with us, which is understandable, and although we have a pretty good relationship we're not yet able to get over this hurdle.

She went to her GP who wasn't very good unfortunately, he told her it didn't sound like she had a problem! She is getting some counselling now (after being on a long waiting list) so we are waiting to see if that helps.

Her father died suddenly last year and that triggered some lapses, which is understandable but the hurt that it causes is so hard to bear.

Well done to you for your achievements and thanks again.

I think I would say pretty much anyone who thinks they have a drinking problem does have one. If that makes sense. (Alas the opposite is not true, that anyone who doesn't think they have one doesn't!). Did the GP do a liver function test? Admittedly this may not be a fantastic measure as it's possible for these to come back normal when you're actually doing yourself quite a lot of damage.

I'm not surprised, really, that your DSS' fiancee finds it hard to talk to you about it - I doubt I'd want to give chapter and verse to in-laws-to-be ... but I think you and your DSS might find Al-Anon helpful. It sounds like you might have a tough road ahead if she is still having lapses, and there is only so much support you can give. Fingers crossed she can pull through.

Thanks everyone for the lovely replies. :)

Daisy - as you said, it is different with everyone. I am 39 now and have always drank too excess. I held down jobs and all that and never drank all day, but wine was - and is - definitely my weakness.

Deciding to quit is terrifying, at least it was for me. I would hear people say 'quit for three months and then you will know if you have a problem' and I knew the thought of quitting for three months terrified me. It kept me drinking I suppose.

And now, I am a day away from 60 days.

It was easy for me because I took stock of my life and know that if I kept drinking, things would never change. I'd still be living with the alcohol comedowns, cringing at my behaviour, lacking any real belief in myself and my abilities.

Once I decided I wanted a new and better life, I knew the drinking had to go. It never added anything to my life. Oh, it was fun having a few glasses, but I was never content with that. I always wanted more and cringe at some of the situations I got myself into.

But I was ready to quit it this time. I never was before (not deep down, I always thought I could learn to moderate, but after the guts of 20 years, if that was possible, I'd have mastered it by now!)

I am reading a book called Rational Recovery that I thoroughly recommend. I also made myself watch the documentary 'Rain In My Heart' on youtube. That really opened my eyes up to how my life may have turned out if I kept up drinking.

Quitting has been a life-changing event for me. I still socialise in pubs and am not tempted. I drink non-alcoholic beer or soda and lime and don't feel I am missing out.

I look at people drinking wine and think I wish I could do that, but hand on heart I know I can't. I know that one will lead to four or more..... OK, yes, usually many more if I am out for the night! May as well be totally honest lol.

I see life very differently now. I cherish it. I never did when I was drinking, I was merely going through the motions.

I think knowing you want to quit is the key. Until I was ready, nothing would have made me stop.

I really hope your family member finds the stregnth to quit it. Only good things have come from it for me. There has been no downside to finally kicking it to the curb. :)

xx

Hi all,

Just a quick update.... I am over four months sober now.

I have decided to go back to college and do a degree counselling :)

I have such clarity in my life now and feel I can achieve whatever I put my mind, too.

To anyone else struggling - just do it. Ditch it, get your life on track and see how truly amazing sober life is. I thought it would be boring, but I have never felt so driven.

Was at a wedding the other week and drank my coffee as everyone guzzled the champagne. First time sober at a wedding in my life.

WOW!!!!!

• my mind to.

I can write sentences :D

Bluebell you've done so well. I'm not sure what drew me to look at your post today, but its 4 months since I last posted on your thread. I'm so pleased that you have achieved so much. It's a really nice feeling when you feel in control. Good luck with the studying!

Bluebelle I am so happy for you. You are an inspiration. I've no personal experience of addiction but have dear friends who do and I've seen just what a huge battle it can be to control and the amount of energy and constant work it requires. Like toothgenie I'm not sure what made me look at your post today either. I think I just hoped you were going to have good news to pass on. And you do. Every good wish and good luck with your studies.

Did you find you lost weight with it too, OP?

Hi and thank you for your lovely replies. I have to say it has been tough at times, but I know what a drink for me will mean... it is a slippery slope and if I had one, over time I will be drinking on a regular basis and I don't want that.

I don't want my old life back again. I sometimes read my first posts on this thread and it just cements why I have done this. I felt so sad when I started this thread and I feel like a different person now.

I have not been sober this long since I was 18 and started drinking - and I am 39 now.

I have lost weight yes, although I have always been a size 10-12 (size 14 at my biggest many years ago). I have noticed I crave sugar, but that could be my body screaming out for the sugar I am no longer having in the wine.

I eat a lot healthier now though. Eating well is important to me now and I have found I do look after my health a lot more. I do give in to the odd chocolate craving though ;)

Again, thanks for your lovely replies. I just felt today I wanted to let you know I was OK :)