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Original poster

PND - why the need to go out?

30 replies

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 18:07

A good friend of mine had severe PND about 10 days after her baby was born and her mother looked after the baby and her DS for about a week as she just couldn't cope. She was put on emergency medication and counselling and is now much better a few months down the line.

However she says she just HAS to go out of the house all the time and can't face being home with the children at all. I have also felt like this when I have (much milder) PND. Just wondered why this is? What do others think?

OP posts:

controlpantsandgladrags · 11/12/2011 19:08

I felt the same when suffering with PND, and still do now to a lesser extent. For me it's the need for some adult contact...without that I feel lonely and isolated very quickly. I loathe days at home and only really ever spend an entire day in the house if one of the DC (3 and 1) is ill, or if we are snowed in.

I need a reminder that there is a wider world which exists outside of my 4 walls IYSWIM.

Choufleur · 11/12/2011 19:10

I was the same. Felt clautrophobic I guess in the house. I would walk for hours with DS in the pushchair in all weathers til I sought some help.

Original poster

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 20:51

Thanks guys. I'm just curious because I have never heard it mentionned as a possible part of PND, but it seems people do have it.

Control Like you, I still feel like it too, to a lesser extent. I think it is to do with anxiety or phobia or something, but I can't articulate it. So I don't know how to manage the urge to go out. A sort of reverse agorophobia, maybe?!

Would love to know what others think.....

OP posts:

oflip · 11/12/2011 20:55

Its a version of escaping the overwhelming sounds/feelings/reminders that accompany this particulr kind of depresion isnt it.
For me, i wnted to get into my car and drive and drive and drive until i ran out of petrol or could go no further.
Its removing yourself from the origin of the trauma that rages in your head.

oflip · 11/12/2011 20:57

But then..you get the pills, you eat the chocolate and the fog clears..and you dont want to be any where but with your family.....when i say "you" i mean "me"

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:02

I think for me it was more of a case of knowing I had to go out as it would be far too easy tp really slip into becoming a bit reclusive, staying in pj's etc etc.
Is a horrid feeling isn't it?
i'm still on AD's for PND and ds2 is nearly 3 years old

Albrecht · 11/12/2011 21:03

Yes escape is part of it I think, otherwise its you, 4 walls, your thoughts and a baby you don't know what to do with. I guess if you have worked outside the house you are used to getting up and going out most days.

It is also recommended as part of the healing / recovery process too. For the exercise, fresh air and I suppose human contact as well. Feelings of achieveing something too.

oflip I can't drive but I just wanted to pick ds up, not get properly dressed or anything but just run and run as far as my legs could take us. I think it was adrenalin from the birth that did not fade in my case.

Albrecht · 11/12/2011 21:04

SilveryMoon Have you had counselling (if you don't mind me asking)?

Original poster

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 21:05

Thanks oflip that's really helpful.

Now I'm rying to work out why the trauma in my head originates or is associated with home.
Is it the place where I feel very alone and no-one helps me? I had a traumatic birth with DS and feel strongly this was part of the PND starting, in that I felt utterly alone and terrified during the birth, but no-one helped. My mother is also not supportive and DH tends to have depression himself and find work more important than me at critical times.

But then why do I feel better outside the house?

OP posts:

oflip · 11/12/2011 21:06

HA, im far too fat n lazy to run anywhere....

Original poster

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 21:09

Silverymoon I really know what you mean about knowing you have to get out or it would be all too easy to slip into being a recluse.

Just a couple of weeks ago my middle child woke one morning with a raging temperature, so she and I just went back to bed. Baby is 16m. And that was it. I could not get myself up or going all day, even though usually I get up for school run / work part time and consider myself to be getting over the PND. But it's never far under the surface.

OP posts:

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:09

No I haven't had counselling.
They did originally suggest it, but I had a 4 month old baby and an 22 month old, and no way to get the time to go for sessions on my own. Dp wasn't/isn't very supportive of me having time to myself.
Things are getting a bit easier now that I'm working.
I work with children so am never away from little people!

My mw had me seen and assessed for PND when I was 16 weeks pregnant with ds2 thinking I was suffering in silence from ds1 who was then about 13/14 months old.

oflip · 11/12/2011 21:10

The thoughts can be diluted when you are outside.
Other things to look at, other sounds to drown it out, distractions.

Traumatic birth and none sleeping baby were the cause for me.

Councelling might be good to help you to draw out the threads and make sense of it all...that then gives you back the control.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 11/12/2011 21:14

Yes I was like this. For me it was almost about not being a parent for a moment (so I was someone driving a car with a baby, or I was someone doing the shopping... with a baby, or I was someone visiting their mum.. with a baby).

My DD is now 6 (the one I had PND with) and, to be truthful, it was only probably 1 yr or so ago that I didn't feel like it (DS is 3 and I didn't have it with him, but still neede dto get out of the house).

Not very nice, but we all got through it and we're all happy now.

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:14

beakysmum
I feel the same. I tend to think and feel that I am functioning normally and that I can cope just fine, but like you say, deep down I know that depression of whatever kind is not buried too deep.
Last Easter, for whatever reason, I started to forget to take the pills and by the time I realised, I hadn't taken them for over 2 weeks, so stayed off them and had quite an emotonal breakdown, quit my job and everything too, just kept crying all the time.

Original poster

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 21:19

Oh no, poor you Silverymoon

I hope you are feeling a bit better now? Or are you online somewhere outside the house?!

I find I have to be very careful about not overloading myself. So I can manage a few things, but I often find going back to work tips me over. So I think I am coping, and I am, but it's a very fine line I cross and then I can't cope again.

OP posts:

RiojaLover75 · 11/12/2011 21:21

If you are out and about you are less likely to be tearful/ cross/ shouty. If you are out and about some human contact does you a world of good, even if it's just a hello or eye contact in the street. If you are out and about the baby/ toddler is more likely to sleep for a little while, you will get some exercise (and possibly feel better in yourself) and it gives you some thinking time alone.

It's a sad and lonely time PND, or just even realising you might be at the point that you need to ask for help for PND.

I've been there, under and out the other side (sort of), still paddling hard

Albrecht · 11/12/2011 21:21

That's how I knew something was wrong as I am also exceedingly lazy!

I sometimes think out of the house I can pretend to be just one of those others mums you see, who seem to be coping. Whereas at home the truth is more obvious.

beakysmum has someone checked you didn't have post traumatic stress?

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:22

Yeah, I'm mostly ok now.
I still take 20mg of Fluoxetine a day.
I stared a new job in september at a new school which I am really enjoying and find it easier than being at home.
I'm not planning on coming off the tablets anytime soon, but may look into counselling now as I have a number of issues I'd like top work/talk through.

Albrecht · 11/12/2011 21:25

SilveryMoon Sorry to hear that. I am very fortunate in that I have support from something similar to Children's Centre so I can go to counselling. Its sad they don't take this into account more when offering counselling.

Original poster

beakysmum · 11/12/2011 21:30

Albrecht no, no-one has ever checked, but it's something I have come to realise I almost certainly had. I had flashbacks, intrusive thoughts as I was trying to fall asleep and insomnia. That was the marker something was very wrong for me, as normally I sleep like a log! And sleep problems continue to be the biggest marker of PND for me.

When I read that a big part of PTSD is about not knowing who to trust (e.g. in Vietnam you never knew who was friend or foe) and about being betrayed by those in authority (e.g. the army, or in my case the NHS that I work for), I know PTSD applied to me.

(Should I do something about the PTSD part?)

OP posts:

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:32

Yes, they should think about that more.
I remember sitting with the gp when it was suggested after I had ds2. I was there with a new born and a toddler under 2 years, and was very very low but trying so hard to fight it. I had been battling it for nearly 2 years without fully realising what was wrong.
And for me, the thought of handing my children even to my mum (who does not live local anyway), for an hour or whatever a week so I could go and talk about what a shit old time I was having was just not going to happen. It would almost be like admitting I was a complete failure, and I wasn't ready to do that.
I don't feel like that now. I know I'm not a failure, well hope I'm not, but I have to constantly remind myself that I do a good enough job by my children.

Nothing I'm saying now is making much sense is it? Am having an odd few days. All down to something else. Think I'm far too tired to be talking sense.

Pippaandpolly · 11/12/2011 21:32

This is really interesting to read. I have to get out of the house every day with DD, preferably for as long as possible-I feel positively trapped if I have to stay in for any reason. I do have days of being very overwhelmed and down but I assume that PND is much worse than this. I'm sort of afraid to ask a HV as they'll immediately think I've got it. I had depression last year but not very bad-was on ADs for about 6 months but came off them because I felt better. At the moment I just feel a low level of anxiety a lot of the time but I guess that's pretty normal for a new mum. Don't really know where I'm going with this!

SilveryMoon · 11/12/2011 21:40

Pippa
What's your hv like? Ds2's hv is lovely and I was able to tell her exactly how I felt and she was able to listen to me, to laugh with me, and was able to point out all the little things that were good that I was too low to see.
I think it's always worth mentioning, even to just get it off your chest.
I find that the minute I find acceptance, the easier everything gets.
I had an image in my mind about a person suffering PND, and that was not me. But once I realised that my obsessive behaviour, my super organisation, and my very special set way of doing things was my way of dealing with depression, it all became very clear and I was able to kind of embrace it. IYSWIM.

Albrecht · 11/12/2011 21:44

beakysmum I have ptsd and have seen various people in my time and they all ask if I have intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, trouble sleeping so that sounds textbook. Same for me as well - bad birth and feel I could not trust the hospital staff. Thankfully I seem to be able to trust my own therapist etc. Mine specialises in ptsd and have been having emdr - I was a bit as it sounds kinda kooky but was willing to give anything a go (except ads - fear of losing control). It is a-mazing the effect it has had on me. One session and I can now have normal chit chat with other mothers about labour whereas before I would physically have to get away, leave the room if anyone nearby was talking about birth.

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