How the hell do I trust medical types again when they cocked up so massively before ?

[travellingwilbury]

I have got some weird swollen lumpy throat thing going on atm , I have a hospital appt on monday where they are going to put a camera down to have a look but I just don't trust them .

They told me my son had a cold and was fine and couldn't possibly be that bad as he was asleep , he died within hours .

How do I believe them now ?

I am really struggling with this , I am normally a paint the smile on and get on with it type but this has completely thrown me . My lovely gp has signed me off until I go to the hospital . In the 10 years since he died I have never taken time off work because of anxiety even though I have often felt close to the edge but atm I just can't cope with work and having to "put my face on"

All advice appreciated , please !

And yes I have googled and I am terrified it is throat cancer , which is why my appt is happening so quick , my gp has those thoughts too .

No specific advice, but just two thoughts.

First, that almost everyone who has had the same family tragedy as you would be thinking/feeling/reacting the same way, and secondly, that you mention your 'lovely GP'....start there..you obviously have a good relationship with him/her, and they're a 'medical type'.

Be really upfront, and when you see the specialist say "look, I'm really on edge because this happened to my family in the past, and because of that, I am now scared that....."

Hope it all goes well for you x

travelling i am so sorry you lost your little boy. Did you have any counselling or de-brief after the event?
I had PTSD after a traumatic labour and various cock ups by medical staff.

Im still very uncomfortable with medical procedures, i had to have my coil put in under GA.
If you can afford it can i suggest going private, it took my gynae consultant a year to talk me into my hysteroscopy and coil, but he was very patient, very persistent, reassuring and allowed dh into the anaesthetic room which was a great comfort to me.

You really need to find a consultant to perform your endoscopy, get to know them, feel comfortable with tem and trust them.

After that i would try and get some help dealing with what happened and how its still affecting you.

HTH

Thank you , I do say my lovely gp but if I am really honest it is only because she understands my madness and is really good with emotional stuff . I am not sure I would trust her any more than the others with actual medical stuff .

I will try and be upfront about my fears but I do find it difficult to tell people what happened especially in a situation that is probably going to be rushed and impersonal .

Basically I just don't want to have bloody cancer and I am shitting myself .

mosschops I have had various counselling since he died , it was 10 years last friday which isn't helping my anxiety levels . I don't mind them doing the procedure as such , I just don't trust them not to miss something .

I'm so sorry about your little boy :(

It is very true that there are some rubbish medics, and also true that there are a lot of very good ones who sometimes make awful mistakes.

It is good that you are being seen so quickly, your GP has taken your concerns seriously.

I wish you all the best for Monday, and I will keep my fingers crossed for you that it is nothing serious.

Thank you alibaba , The biggest thing that worried me was the first gp actually got flashcards out and looked at the symptons for throat cancer in front of me and decided that I didn't quite meet the criteria .

Thankfully my usual gp knew what I loon I was and hurried the appt through .

It is getting worse and is now visible so I am worried but I only have a few days left , I may well be wishing to go back to my ignorance next week who knows ?

Wilbury, I'm so sorry about your little boy.

The good thing about having a camera down your throat that if it is something bad (unlikely) then it will be there right in front of them on the screen. They're taking you seriously here, the time to worry would have been if they'd said "go away, it doesn't sound like anything". I think if they're actually looking then it would be nearly impossible to miss anything. Wheras with you little boy it very sadly sounds like they didn't examine him properly.

Don't be afraid to ask them what they're looking for, what they've seen. If they say its one thing then ask if thats 100% definate or could it be anything else.

I saw your previous thread where you were worried about waiting and mentioned about my mum having similar symproms and with her it was where her throat was gradually getting smaller so once every 10 years they have to put a little balloon down there and gradually inflate it. She had these symptoms for 2 or 3 years before they agreed to doing a camera and its scary to realise that it could have been something much more serious. I was only a kid so never realised at the time. But it sounds like they've been quite quick with you so thats goo.

Good luck for Monday.

Thank you viva , I remember you saying about your mum , part of me is pleased they are acting quickly and part of me is freaking out they are acting quickly .

Annoying me ? Never !

I know what you mean, it makes you think they must be worried if they refer you quickly. But a lot of the time I think it's down to defensive practice and a changing culture in medicine now. They'd much rather do an urgent referral and it be found to not have needed to be urgent rather than do a standard referral and months later it turns out to be something bad. Even if it's a tiny, tiny 1% chance.

Thank you , fingers crossed you are right .

I just know I won't settle until after the appt .

My throat just feels so weird and swollen and it has definitely got worse since I was there last .

I'm so sorry about your son

I have had similar feelings of mistrust over the years. My dd was spectacularly misdiagnosed by several HCPs and nearly died. It makes it very difficult to walk away from any consultation and be completely happy and trusting in the diagnosis.

Personally I prefer my GP to be very upfront with me and tell me what he's thinking because, well I just find it helps. Your GP probably recognises that you are bound to think the worse considering past events and wants to get that ruled out to help put your mind at rest.

Good luck for Monday - I do hope all is well. And remember stress makes everything seem much worse.