Alcoholic - need some advice

[OnlyWantsOne]

My best friend is an alcoholic. She's the same age as me (early 20s) and has a fab job. Which she's likely to loose if carries on on path she is on. She's been signed off work and has a chance to get better.

Last night we went to an AA meeting. I encouraged her to go as I am not sure how I can help her on my own. She doesn't want to talk to her family (although they are very aware and concerned about her problem)

Can any one give me some tips to be there for her? She was staying with me but has gone home tonight but hasn't stopped texting me all evening telling me how hard she's finding it tonight.

I love her dearly and hate to see her like this.

We are going to another meeting tomorrow night.

Only you are you all you can. at the end of the day your freind has to do this for herself. Just being a good freind there for her at her time of greatest need is the most wonderful thing she will want and get.
Hope you both get through this successfully.

Taking her to meetings is a great thing to do - encourage her to talk to others, to get some (womens') phone numbers and to ask them for help, instead of you. And tonight, if she's feeling desperate, suggest she call the AA help line and talk to someone who has been where she is - it can make a huge, huge difference.

And those things done, please take care of yourself - the best possible example to your friend!

what Elibean said

AA also have some online meetings

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind even if it goes against your instincts. For example, if she goes on a bender and ends up with her face in the dog bowl, don't pick her up and clean her up. Leave her there. She needs to understand how she got there in the first place.

My SIL spent years picking up the pieces after her alcoholic husband and now she leads a miserable life with him. His liver is so damaged that the toxins have reached his brain and have caused permanent brain damage. She can't leave him alone in the house because his behaviour is so erratic, so she has to watch him 24/7. He behaves like someone with dementia and is horrible to her all the time.

There are online meetings with SMART recovery and a 24/7 chat room (although it's USA based).They also have meetings in the UK too.

It's different to AA as it's CBT based (no higher power stuff).There are lots of tools and help/support on their forum.

www.smartrecovery.org/

You're being a lovely friend to her.

Find out from your local GP about what NHS support / counselling services there are, there will be a service she can access for one to one counselling.
Depending on how much she drinks, it may not be safe for her to suddenly stop (risk of fitting) so a medical review would be a good idea.

In essence make her a GP appt and take her so she attends.

She's been doing really well and went to another meeting and was given a 24 hr sober token which she was really proud of but has since got drunk and is now barely talking and has gone all defensive and clammed up.

OWO

Do you have the time and energy to invest?

Because, y'know, you can't fix her, you can support her but protect yourself

you are being a wonderful friend, admirable

You are being a good friend.

If she is texting all night saying how difficult she is finding not drinking that is because she feels she can talk to you.

She must keep going to AA as it's for people with addictions - like minded - they will understand stuff us non alcoholics don't understand.

My mum is an alcoholic and I won't bore you with the details but my advice would be to support her, but if she falls, she has to pick herself up - brush herself down - and carry on. You cannot do it for her.

She must understand the consequences of her actions and she can only do that if she manages most of her recovery herself. You can lead a horse to water etc...

You're doing what you can. Keep supporting her. And whatever an alcoholic ever says to you - they cannot control they're drinking. They must never drink again.