How can I support my friend during chemotherapy?

[SylviaBells]

My friend has ovarian cancer and is due to start an aggressive form of chemotherapy in the next couple of weeks.

I am doing my best to support her (without overwhelming her - she is recovering from surgery at the moment). Are there any practical or non-practical things I can do to help? She has childcare set up for her dc already (school runs etc). Thanks.

My girlfriend like to have a chemo buddy to come and keep her company and go an buy her frapuccino as she always got really hot having it.

Thanks. I will ask her about that, she has a lovely dh and lots of friends so I am sure one of us will be with her at every session.

Visit! when my dh had hodgkins he said the first thing you notice is that no one visits becasue they dont know what to say to you.

I know what he means, it is hard to know what to say, at the moment I seem to be saying 'this is so shit and so unfair' and then trying to find the positives (tough job) and alternating between wanting to yell and cry (I'm obviously not doing the yelling or crying in front of my friend!)

I will keep visiting though.

All of the above op. Plus, when you do visit and chat with your friend, don't be afraid to tell her about the good things in your life. She is your friend so let her know stuff about you too. On a practical note, a meal for the freezer perhaps? Offer of a lift somewhere, or just collecting her to take her some where for a walk, gallery. With the chemo she will have to be careful about mixing with people as her immune system will be a bit reduced. You sound a good friend in need.

You know it might be a relief to her if you're honest. My BF and I had a bit of a bit of a mutual weep when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and once we had it was far easier for me to be real with her. If everyone's telling you to be positive, you start to feel as though you're not allowed to be scared. She'll have to keep a smile on her face for her family, so she'll need someone to be open with. I found being able to voice my darkest thoughts helped me manage them iyswim. Obviously though be positive too!

I'd also try and gen up on what she's facing, so be on top of her appointments and what drugs/ side effects she might run into, as you'll need to be intuitive. When I had chemo my BF was forensic about it, so knew as much as me. Made it far easier for me to have a proper conversation about it all. Sometimes you don't want to everything on your DH. Black humour helped me too. Being able to find a laugh from time to time, somehow drags you through.

Final thought is thatyour instinct to support without overwhelming her, sounds spot on. My friend used to text every day, so I always knew she was there for me but it wasn't overwhelming. hth. Really hope she gets through it all.

Oh don't worry, I'm not being relentlessly cheerful, there's nothing worse when you just want to cry and be angry. She knows I am upset but I do know what you mean. Thanks for the post, I hope you are fully recovered now

A friend of mine went through this and I know that she really appreciated those of her friends who were able to "stay normal" - to go on talking about the celebs in Heat, to swop stories about daft things families and husbands did, to go on moaning about what was annoying them at work etc - rather than going around in a shocked hush. Lots of texts are good too, but don't expect your friend to answer every one, as she may well not feel up to doing anything much. If you say "let me know if there is anything I can do" don't be surprised if what she asks for is a bit odd or inconvenient, and try and make sure you can deliver. You do sound like a good friend in need. I wish your friend the very best for the future.

Thanks Sylvia, I'm good now. A year out of treatment and it feels like just a bad memory.

Great news smee

I expect she'll need some practical help with Christmas shopping - so you could offer to do that for a start.